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LOVE TO ALL
MARCIA X
The nights are coming in!
Its starting to feel official, summer might just be over! If not now, well then its just around the corner! Twenty past eight and the skies turn to a dark shade of blue. The glistening stars come out to twinkle above us.
I sit snug in bed, poppy curled up by my side, a movie making a slight comforting noise in the background and my laptop on my lap! I think back to the summer of 2010! I feel like I haven't had a summer at all. The winters always feel endless but the summers seem to slip away so quickly I hardly get the chance to put on my gorgeous holiday outfits! That said, I always find things to appreciate about every season. So this is my summer season blog post and here are the reasons I loved summer this year:
There is nothing quite like having your skin bare to the fresh air and glowing sun. Beautiful outfits in miniature form so to feel the slight chance of a breeze on your skin as it cools you in the beautiful light of a summers day! The light is outstanding. Summer evenings are my favourite times of the whole year. The light turns to a warm orange glow and everything looks peace full, warm and relaxed! The air cools and I come alive for the first time in the day. I venture out with my pup and appreciate all the natural beauty around me. The world really can be just perfect!
The birds that sing, the children that play, the dogs that throw themselves in the nearest pool of water, the laughter, the bustle of people venturing out semi naked, the life that dances under the summer sun! It's so beautiful, you just don't want it to end. As the first butterflies come out to display their beautiful newly formed wings and the birds that perch on the rooftops singing their songs of joy, we all come alive! We crawl out of our previous winter in hibernation with smiles upon our faces ready for the adventures of the summer ahead. It's bliss full.
After a day in the golden rays of the sun, I go home. My face red and glowing, a steady and satisfied pace as i walk to the front door, dog lead in one hand, blanket in the other and a bag hanging from my shoulder with my life inside it. I release poppy from her corset like leash and we throw ourselves on to my cool fresh bed. lieing their snuggled and happy with our day of fun. A long walk on the moors leaves my feet aching. I stretch out my legs and feel my bones crack and muscles tense then relax. aahh! relax. Summer is a time where you earn those calm moments.
A crispy leaf salad for dinner with newly discovered toasted goats cheese and beetroot. A meal from a friend. whose other offerings include barbeque's in the unexpected rain, adventures to the Cornish sea and hours conversing.
New friends are made in the summer. I made quite a few this year. When the sun is shining we are like ants through a magnifying glass, as we run around the world, travelling and exploring, bumping into each other along the way and making new friendships. Old friends are not forgotten, as their is always time to spare in the summer to make those trips for special friends. My all time best friend and soul sister made her journey down to me this year. It was the highlight of my year. When she was here it was perfection, when she left I felt saddened but carried with me through the rest of the summer days, the greatness we shared while I was privileged to have her company around me.
My family are always close, but in the summer its just another excuse to spend even more time together. With the fresh bud of life that is my niece, the day trips are twice the fun! As we watch her blossom and grow, learning new things and endless moments where she brings laughter and smiles to our faces. New places to visit, and old places to revisit that have become our favourites.
Moments captured on film with my boyfriend. Times have been tough, but we have been through the storm and now stand together, hand in hand in the warming summer glow. Driving around in his car, music on, feet up on the dashboard and the wind that blows through the open windows that makes my hair dance and my heart flutter as I see his smiling face looking into my eyes.
Now I prepare for the leaves that are soon to turn from a shade of green to a glowing orange. The sludging mud beneath my feet after nights of rain. the slugs and frogs that emerge ready for their season of joy! The chimneys that smoke as a sign to us all ''autumn is here, be warm, be still!''. It will soon be time for sheep's to grow their winter coats and for the people to be warmed by their Woolly jumpers!
I sit snug in bed, poppy curled up by my side, a movie making a slight comforting noise in the background and my laptop on my lap! I think back to the summer of 2010! I feel like I haven't had a summer at all. The winters always feel endless but the summers seem to slip away so quickly I hardly get the chance to put on my gorgeous holiday outfits! That said, I always find things to appreciate about every season. So this is my summer season blog post and here are the reasons I loved summer this year:
There is nothing quite like having your skin bare to the fresh air and glowing sun. Beautiful outfits in miniature form so to feel the slight chance of a breeze on your skin as it cools you in the beautiful light of a summers day! The light is outstanding. Summer evenings are my favourite times of the whole year. The light turns to a warm orange glow and everything looks peace full, warm and relaxed! The air cools and I come alive for the first time in the day. I venture out with my pup and appreciate all the natural beauty around me. The world really can be just perfect!
The birds that sing, the children that play, the dogs that throw themselves in the nearest pool of water, the laughter, the bustle of people venturing out semi naked, the life that dances under the summer sun! It's so beautiful, you just don't want it to end. As the first butterflies come out to display their beautiful newly formed wings and the birds that perch on the rooftops singing their songs of joy, we all come alive! We crawl out of our previous winter in hibernation with smiles upon our faces ready for the adventures of the summer ahead. It's bliss full.
After a day in the golden rays of the sun, I go home. My face red and glowing, a steady and satisfied pace as i walk to the front door, dog lead in one hand, blanket in the other and a bag hanging from my shoulder with my life inside it. I release poppy from her corset like leash and we throw ourselves on to my cool fresh bed. lieing their snuggled and happy with our day of fun. A long walk on the moors leaves my feet aching. I stretch out my legs and feel my bones crack and muscles tense then relax. aahh! relax. Summer is a time where you earn those calm moments.
A crispy leaf salad for dinner with newly discovered toasted goats cheese and beetroot. A meal from a friend. whose other offerings include barbeque's in the unexpected rain, adventures to the Cornish sea and hours conversing.
New friends are made in the summer. I made quite a few this year. When the sun is shining we are like ants through a magnifying glass, as we run around the world, travelling and exploring, bumping into each other along the way and making new friendships. Old friends are not forgotten, as their is always time to spare in the summer to make those trips for special friends. My all time best friend and soul sister made her journey down to me this year. It was the highlight of my year. When she was here it was perfection, when she left I felt saddened but carried with me through the rest of the summer days, the greatness we shared while I was privileged to have her company around me.
My family are always close, but in the summer its just another excuse to spend even more time together. With the fresh bud of life that is my niece, the day trips are twice the fun! As we watch her blossom and grow, learning new things and endless moments where she brings laughter and smiles to our faces. New places to visit, and old places to revisit that have become our favourites.
Moments captured on film with my boyfriend. Times have been tough, but we have been through the storm and now stand together, hand in hand in the warming summer glow. Driving around in his car, music on, feet up on the dashboard and the wind that blows through the open windows that makes my hair dance and my heart flutter as I see his smiling face looking into my eyes.
Now I prepare for the leaves that are soon to turn from a shade of green to a glowing orange. The sludging mud beneath my feet after nights of rain. the slugs and frogs that emerge ready for their season of joy! The chimneys that smoke as a sign to us all ''autumn is here, be warm, be still!''. It will soon be time for sheep's to grow their winter coats and for the people to be warmed by their Woolly jumpers!
In memory of September the 11th
9/11. It happened once. 9 years ago two planes crashed into the twin towers in New York. Do you remember when this happened? Of course you do! How can you forget. You probably remember the day exactly, where you were and what you were doing the moment you found out the shocking news.
Every year since you can count on watching horrifying footage of the tragic event unfolding before your very eyes. The 11th of september has rightly become another day of commemoration just like D-day and . But, can you imagine a time where there were no videos, no cameras, nothing to capture such heart breaking events that are made visible to the world for the rest of eternity. Just news that reaches out amongst the world and a memory that fades away leaving only a name of a day in its place and a story to be told of what happend. Would we cry like we do when we watch 9/11 on the television if we never actually saw America, had the choice to go over there on frequent holidays and business trips. Would we stand and watch, with our eyes peeled and hearts beating so fast as we gasp in horror for the city of New York thats so in reach with just a plane ride away it feels like our neighbour. Or is it just the sheer shock of what human beings can do to one another that gets us the most? To be able to visibly see such inhumane cruelty unfold before our very eyes, and its real! Its not a book or a myth some one has made up, its not a horror film thats been created in glamorous hollywood, its as real as the earth benieth your feet and each breath that you draw! Is this the sadness we feel? How so many of us are born with our hearts reaching out to one another only to be crushed when we realise there are people amongst us who are out to do us harm. How politics and religion have created wars. Politics and religion! The two things that the majority have been raised to believe are things we should follow, things we should believe in, things we should support, things that are good! What a confusing and disgusting mess this leaves when you come into your adult hood and discover politics and religion create the most ugly scenes on earth!
The images are stapled in our minds, as the towers come crashing down, the debre that floats around the city and the people running around screaming for their lives and loved ones. In shock! The city of new york, was on that day, in a state of complete madness! We have created this. Us humans. We force our children to believe in things like religion that eventually tare them apart as grown people. We guide our children on a path of politics that we think will make them grow into strong adults. We tell them whose good and whose bad. But on a day like the 11th of september everyone is left to make up their own mind! On a day like 9/11 you can make up your own mind. After we have all witnessed this event through our television screens you can decide for your self what you think of religion, what you think of the people ruling our country, what you think of politics.
Every year since you can count on watching horrifying footage of the tragic event unfolding before your very eyes. The 11th of september has rightly become another day of commemoration just like D-day and . But, can you imagine a time where there were no videos, no cameras, nothing to capture such heart breaking events that are made visible to the world for the rest of eternity. Just news that reaches out amongst the world and a memory that fades away leaving only a name of a day in its place and a story to be told of what happend. Would we cry like we do when we watch 9/11 on the television if we never actually saw America, had the choice to go over there on frequent holidays and business trips. Would we stand and watch, with our eyes peeled and hearts beating so fast as we gasp in horror for the city of New York thats so in reach with just a plane ride away it feels like our neighbour. Or is it just the sheer shock of what human beings can do to one another that gets us the most? To be able to visibly see such inhumane cruelty unfold before our very eyes, and its real! Its not a book or a myth some one has made up, its not a horror film thats been created in glamorous hollywood, its as real as the earth benieth your feet and each breath that you draw! Is this the sadness we feel? How so many of us are born with our hearts reaching out to one another only to be crushed when we realise there are people amongst us who are out to do us harm. How politics and religion have created wars. Politics and religion! The two things that the majority have been raised to believe are things we should follow, things we should believe in, things we should support, things that are good! What a confusing and disgusting mess this leaves when you come into your adult hood and discover politics and religion create the most ugly scenes on earth!
The images are stapled in our minds, as the towers come crashing down, the debre that floats around the city and the people running around screaming for their lives and loved ones. In shock! The city of new york, was on that day, in a state of complete madness! We have created this. Us humans. We force our children to believe in things like religion that eventually tare them apart as grown people. We guide our children on a path of politics that we think will make them grow into strong adults. We tell them whose good and whose bad. But on a day like the 11th of september everyone is left to make up their own mind! On a day like 9/11 you can make up your own mind. After we have all witnessed this event through our television screens you can decide for your self what you think of religion, what you think of the people ruling our country, what you think of politics.
Facebook Friends...
Its a grey sunday afternoon. After a long walk on the moors I'm having a nice chilled time, loungeing around on my bed, poppy snoozing next to me, lots of writing and the film Almost Famous playing in the background. On my little breaks between writing and other such things, I do what most of us do, have a quick nose on facebook. See if i have any oh so important messages to reply to or truly gripping statuses to catch up on!! Some how I ended up stumbleing across my 'friends list'. Stumbleing around on facebook seems to be the only thing you can really do on there! I realised, looking at my list of friends, most of them, I dont actually really talk to anymore. What amazes me more is the people who have over 400 friends on facebook. Come on now! Either you have alot of friends who are reeeaallly not your friends, or you need the kick of attention and feel poplular adding anyone who may have any sort of connection to you what so ever. Absalout bullshit if you ask me! I used to have over 300 friends on there and deleted the majority in the end when i realised I WAS one of those silly people who added and accepted any person i may have ever uttered any words to.
Today when I had a browse through my so called list of friends, I realised, once again, that alot of the people on there aren't actually my real friends! So i decided to scroll through them and do some recycling, as i now like to call it. When suddenly I was hit with the most rediculous emotion! Yes, I said EMOTION! I realise this seems stupid, to have any sort of emotion over some thing as pathetic, insignificant and totally unrealistic as FACEBOOK. But i was hit with a sence of guilt and awkwardness as I waved the mouse over the delete button for particular people. There were even a few I still couldnt bring my self to delete from my fookin facebook world! JESUS CHRIST! Why did this happen?! There are some I simply dont want to get rid of because they are my actual friends, If i only had these people on there I would probably only have about 25 friends on facebook. But then there are the friends I havent seen in years, but they still matter to me, and the times inbetween when we do email and catch up are times I don't really want to get rid of, as even though I may not have full contact with these people anymore, they still mean some thing to me and I am still interested In hearing how they are getting on and of course always have the hopes that if we are visiting each others area where we live that we can find the time to actually see eachother and catch up in REAL LIFE! Then there are the people, who arent ACTUAL real friends, but people you used to hang around with or see around alot and some how sort of picked up along the way in my litte life. Again, these people interest me, we have things in common and I dont really fancy getting rid of them as they are good for the whole ''cyber banter'' scene! (if that makes any sence at all!). Blimey, this whole thing gets more complicated and confusing than its worth! Right, then there are the people, who you still possibly see around but dont actually go out of your way to spend any time with. In the past you may have worked together or hung around in the same crowd, but you dont really have anything to do with eachother, yet you comment on eachothers statuses endlessly and it all pretty much ends there. THESE are the people I cannot for the life of me, bring myself to delete, and I actually have no idea why! When I really think about it, I realise its because of fear of running into them and having that awkward moment of being polite to eachother but having that underlieing feeling of, me from my end ''shite I deleted this person from facebook, have they realised!!!'' or them ''what a bitch, she deleted me from facebook and now shes talking to me''. Why do these two worlds have to meet and combine?! I have decided all i really want from facebook is a place to comunicate with my real friends, family, work buddies, people I do projects with and anyone who has anything to do with my business and visa versa. But If I keep people out of fear of running into them, then I am going completely against what I want from the whole facebook experience.
It shouldnt really matter to me, and I could just think ''fuck it! its only the internet, just add whoever and accept whoever on there!''. But at the end of the day, it does matter to me! I love going on there and hearing how my friends are doing, but after a while it does piss me off to scroll through the bullshit and amongst it try to fish out the ones who I actually want to read about. I dont really have any interest in hearing how some person I hardly know and have no interest in kids are doing or why their screaming baby is doing their head in, or how their night of being rat arsed and vomitting in their shoes was the best night they have had all year etc! I just want to know about the people that matter to me on different levels.
It all gets so rediculously complicated some times that it would just be easier to get rid of it alltogether. I did that last year, and it was so nice to just have my phone for contacts that really mattered. My boyfriend got rid of it for how stupid and pointless it all was and he hasnt missed it at all. I also really love it when I hear people dont have facebook, I always think ''wow, you live in the REAL world! where REAL people and REAL things matter to you!''. But for now, I am still enjoying catching up with old friends, keeping intouch with current friends and getting to know new friends on there. So, head up high, deep breath and DELETE the ones I dont really need on there!
Anyone else have this problem? Just me? Fabulous!
Today when I had a browse through my so called list of friends, I realised, once again, that alot of the people on there aren't actually my real friends! So i decided to scroll through them and do some recycling, as i now like to call it. When suddenly I was hit with the most rediculous emotion! Yes, I said EMOTION! I realise this seems stupid, to have any sort of emotion over some thing as pathetic, insignificant and totally unrealistic as FACEBOOK. But i was hit with a sence of guilt and awkwardness as I waved the mouse over the delete button for particular people. There were even a few I still couldnt bring my self to delete from my fookin facebook world! JESUS CHRIST! Why did this happen?! There are some I simply dont want to get rid of because they are my actual friends, If i only had these people on there I would probably only have about 25 friends on facebook. But then there are the friends I havent seen in years, but they still matter to me, and the times inbetween when we do email and catch up are times I don't really want to get rid of, as even though I may not have full contact with these people anymore, they still mean some thing to me and I am still interested In hearing how they are getting on and of course always have the hopes that if we are visiting each others area where we live that we can find the time to actually see eachother and catch up in REAL LIFE! Then there are the people, who arent ACTUAL real friends, but people you used to hang around with or see around alot and some how sort of picked up along the way in my litte life. Again, these people interest me, we have things in common and I dont really fancy getting rid of them as they are good for the whole ''cyber banter'' scene! (if that makes any sence at all!). Blimey, this whole thing gets more complicated and confusing than its worth! Right, then there are the people, who you still possibly see around but dont actually go out of your way to spend any time with. In the past you may have worked together or hung around in the same crowd, but you dont really have anything to do with eachother, yet you comment on eachothers statuses endlessly and it all pretty much ends there. THESE are the people I cannot for the life of me, bring myself to delete, and I actually have no idea why! When I really think about it, I realise its because of fear of running into them and having that awkward moment of being polite to eachother but having that underlieing feeling of, me from my end ''shite I deleted this person from facebook, have they realised!!!'' or them ''what a bitch, she deleted me from facebook and now shes talking to me''. Why do these two worlds have to meet and combine?! I have decided all i really want from facebook is a place to comunicate with my real friends, family, work buddies, people I do projects with and anyone who has anything to do with my business and visa versa. But If I keep people out of fear of running into them, then I am going completely against what I want from the whole facebook experience.
It shouldnt really matter to me, and I could just think ''fuck it! its only the internet, just add whoever and accept whoever on there!''. But at the end of the day, it does matter to me! I love going on there and hearing how my friends are doing, but after a while it does piss me off to scroll through the bullshit and amongst it try to fish out the ones who I actually want to read about. I dont really have any interest in hearing how some person I hardly know and have no interest in kids are doing or why their screaming baby is doing their head in, or how their night of being rat arsed and vomitting in their shoes was the best night they have had all year etc! I just want to know about the people that matter to me on different levels.
It all gets so rediculously complicated some times that it would just be easier to get rid of it alltogether. I did that last year, and it was so nice to just have my phone for contacts that really mattered. My boyfriend got rid of it for how stupid and pointless it all was and he hasnt missed it at all. I also really love it when I hear people dont have facebook, I always think ''wow, you live in the REAL world! where REAL people and REAL things matter to you!''. But for now, I am still enjoying catching up with old friends, keeping intouch with current friends and getting to know new friends on there. So, head up high, deep breath and DELETE the ones I dont really need on there!
Anyone else have this problem? Just me? Fabulous!
The Ages of Our Lives!
I have always been facinated with the ages we reach and what we are supposed to have achieved in that time!
So, before you turn 16 your pretty much left in peace and get to just be a kid, all though a scary thought is being a kid in this day and age means having a child of your own..eek! When your 18 your supposed to be in some sort of college education, or taking time out to travel and explore the world. When you reach your early twenties its uni and thinking about a possible career. When your in your mid to late twenties, for alot of people, its time to start thinking about settleing down a little...at this age your supposed to have your chosen career possibly taking off the ground, marriage and kids. OHMYGOD!! This all terrifies me. After all I am only 23 soon to be 24. But I left school early, certainly didnt go to college or uni, I dont even want to think about marriage and having kids would be my worst nightmare at this moment in time! I moved back home with my mum when money became too tight and i couldnt afford to live on my own anymore, I work part time, I have my own little business wich is by no means some thing for me to survive off, I have a boyfriend of three years and the only responsibilty in my life is my dog and my health!
Neaerly everyone I know is married, house hunting or own a house, have kids or a career. Naturally I cant help but feel like I am doing some thing completely wrong. I almost feel guilty that I am not living on my own, that I dont want to get married, that I have no interest in having children (although I seem to treat animals, such as poppy, as my children!!!) and I just cant seem to really figure out where my life is heading! This is clearly plagueing me as i have blogged about it before. I want to go on holidays but with my health I have had to make myself become not interested in travelling, well, not on my own at least! Of course I would love to have my own place to live again, but financially its just not a possibilty at the moment. Of course I could make it a possibilty by working a 9-5 job and getting the money in, but i honestly cant bare the thought of being trapped in the same place of work day in day out like I did in the past. It sounds a little ignorant, but it actually drives me mad! When my dad fell seriously ill a few years ago it hit me like a ton of bricks life is too short to waste, and i certainly dont want to feel like i have wasted my life doing some thing I dont enjoy the majority of the time. So i made changes. Having p.o.t.s has also forced me to be unable to work full time for some one else, but its also forced me to do what I really want to do and not what I feel I have to do. But with that, of course, comes a unique life style, not one that many people my age have! At times I think I feel guilty simply because my choice of life is 'different' and not full of one acheivement after the other, like a house, marriage, kids etc. But more small achievments that make me happy inside myself. Although, If I am completely honest...I would like to have my own house because I would love to have a place to call home for once in my life. But untill that happens my life seems to be on a different path to most others.
At the end of the day...its a total head mess! I look at all my friends acheivements and think ''wow! look at them go!'' but at the same time, I dont actually want these things myself as I clearly pointed out above....so why feel guilty about it?! I guess the only thing is that I am worried I will regret some thing one day that I missed out on! But then its never too late...My auntie got married last year and she is in her 60s..FANTASTIC! A house doesnt go with your heart when you die, so its not the most important thing in life! Having kids could change at any time, afterall I am very young and its not some thing for me to think about now. Who knows what will happen...But I would like to live on my own again, that is some thing I DO know! So maybe that can be a goal for me to work towards, infact YES that is going to be my goal to work towards!
Aaah, rant over! Life figured out (not quite), feel much better. fanbloggingtastic :)
So, before you turn 16 your pretty much left in peace and get to just be a kid, all though a scary thought is being a kid in this day and age means having a child of your own..eek! When your 18 your supposed to be in some sort of college education, or taking time out to travel and explore the world. When you reach your early twenties its uni and thinking about a possible career. When your in your mid to late twenties, for alot of people, its time to start thinking about settleing down a little...at this age your supposed to have your chosen career possibly taking off the ground, marriage and kids. OHMYGOD!! This all terrifies me. After all I am only 23 soon to be 24. But I left school early, certainly didnt go to college or uni, I dont even want to think about marriage and having kids would be my worst nightmare at this moment in time! I moved back home with my mum when money became too tight and i couldnt afford to live on my own anymore, I work part time, I have my own little business wich is by no means some thing for me to survive off, I have a boyfriend of three years and the only responsibilty in my life is my dog and my health!
Neaerly everyone I know is married, house hunting or own a house, have kids or a career. Naturally I cant help but feel like I am doing some thing completely wrong. I almost feel guilty that I am not living on my own, that I dont want to get married, that I have no interest in having children (although I seem to treat animals, such as poppy, as my children!!!) and I just cant seem to really figure out where my life is heading! This is clearly plagueing me as i have blogged about it before. I want to go on holidays but with my health I have had to make myself become not interested in travelling, well, not on my own at least! Of course I would love to have my own place to live again, but financially its just not a possibilty at the moment. Of course I could make it a possibilty by working a 9-5 job and getting the money in, but i honestly cant bare the thought of being trapped in the same place of work day in day out like I did in the past. It sounds a little ignorant, but it actually drives me mad! When my dad fell seriously ill a few years ago it hit me like a ton of bricks life is too short to waste, and i certainly dont want to feel like i have wasted my life doing some thing I dont enjoy the majority of the time. So i made changes. Having p.o.t.s has also forced me to be unable to work full time for some one else, but its also forced me to do what I really want to do and not what I feel I have to do. But with that, of course, comes a unique life style, not one that many people my age have! At times I think I feel guilty simply because my choice of life is 'different' and not full of one acheivement after the other, like a house, marriage, kids etc. But more small achievments that make me happy inside myself. Although, If I am completely honest...I would like to have my own house because I would love to have a place to call home for once in my life. But untill that happens my life seems to be on a different path to most others.
At the end of the day...its a total head mess! I look at all my friends acheivements and think ''wow! look at them go!'' but at the same time, I dont actually want these things myself as I clearly pointed out above....so why feel guilty about it?! I guess the only thing is that I am worried I will regret some thing one day that I missed out on! But then its never too late...My auntie got married last year and she is in her 60s..FANTASTIC! A house doesnt go with your heart when you die, so its not the most important thing in life! Having kids could change at any time, afterall I am very young and its not some thing for me to think about now. Who knows what will happen...But I would like to live on my own again, that is some thing I DO know! So maybe that can be a goal for me to work towards, infact YES that is going to be my goal to work towards!
Aaah, rant over! Life figured out (not quite), feel much better. fanbloggingtastic :)
Depression? Or just human nature?!
I know alot of people who have been diagnosed with depression, and I am not the only one! Nearly all of us know at least one person who had been diagnosed with the same. Even I was nearly diagnosed with depression, but I refused to allow it! When the doctor said ''well your clearly depressed'' I replied ''no! I have been through a bit of a rough patch!''. Some times it almost feels as if its not 'normal' to feel symptoms of depression in your life...because god forbid you do, you instantly get stamped with label ''depressed''! But, isnt it just a part of life to go in and out of phases that make you feel depressed? Life for no one is easy breezy, Every single one of us goes through hard times at one point or another! So naturally we go through the recovery process wich involves feeling very unsettled within yourself along with feelings of hopelessness, irratability and sadness, to name just a few. Every one is different, so for each of us the time period in feeling the above varies. One person might feel depressed for years, others for just a day or two! Either way we all feel it and if we dig deep enough there are reasons why, even if it takes a long time to figure out what the reasons are! So what is with all the diagnoses of depression? I understand that in some people it is very severe and can cause feelings of a suicidal nature. But then why diagnose people with depression who are just reaching out and have been through a hard time? What amazes me is how a deeply tormented person can be daignosed with depression as well as some one whose just having a hard time at work and struggling to cope with the pressure. Also, the number of people who do get diagnosed is shocking that it makes me wonder...isnt this just a big fucking wake up call that life is moving too fast and alot of us are struggling to keep up with the pace? all the expectations, pressures, needs and wants and must haves, its just becoming rediculous! The world is turning at a slow pace, nature goes through its cycles in a healthy steady pace, Yet we are the only species running around like blue ass flies its hard to grab hold of some thing still when your head is just constantly spinning! We have endless amounts of ways to self medicate to help us cope with the never ending, speedy process of life! No wonder we all feel a little blue sometimes. And with all the expectations and pressures from society, no wonder the doctors are shoving pills down our throat. Because if we cant succeed as a normal healthy person, we must succeed as numbed robots who have been deeply ignored for the actual reason they have ended up feeling so depressed! It seems to me that almost anyone can be diagnosed with depression, all you need to do is tell the doctor you havent been feeling too happy lately. And it also seems to me that in the last ten years the doctors are hell bent on diagnosing anyone they can with depression and putting as many people as they can on anti depressants. Why has it suddenly become such a big deal to be feeling down? Its not like humans have always been dead happy and suddenly we're all under the weather! From as far back as humans have existed, the majority have been depressed at one point or another. Why now do we have to feel liek there is some thing wrong with us if we aren't happy? Too many people, too much pressure, too little time! Thats what I think! The doctors dont have time to dig deep into everyones life and help them the best they can, so they rush you out of the surgery as quick as they can and give you a slip of paper to grab yourself some magic pills. Wouldnt it just be easier to say ''its ok! we all feel down from one time or another, you arent mentally insane, there isnt anything wrong with you, you have every right to feel pissed off, let down, hurt, upset, angry, sad and hopeless, just go through it and learn from it the best you can!''. And yes, I do think we all have the right to feel depressed without having to feel like there is some thing wrong with us! After all...where do you go for a dose of happiness? certainly not to the tv, the amounts of horror films, terrifying news stories, grey and gloomy soaps, hard hitting documentries and other such 'depressing' things in the media is enough to drive anyone mad if you soak it all up long enough, we are hearing constantly of all the terrible things that happen amongst our planet constantly. We all know some one who has been through some thing horrific and most of us have had hard times ourselves!...there for, we have every right to feel pretty blue about it! I really don't understand the craze thats going on at the moment, that we 'should' all feel normal and level headed. I dont understand why we should take pills and be expected to smile when we are trying to digest a struggle we have been through. I dont understand why we have to get on with life as if nothing has happened. I dont understand why we cant just go ''fuck this! Iv had a rough time and im pretty peeved about it!''. But then it all comes back down to one thing, the one thing that we react to like magpies to shiney things....money! Society doesnt like it when we are out of work, and the doctors see patients endlessly who are too depressed to work! So the cycle begins...give them pills, numb them to the eyeballs, and they can continue to work like robots! How nice we have entered such a narrow minded place in this world where the only thing that matters is success and money, not our well being and health.
Kids are being diagnosed with depression, this actually makes me laugh! Have we really become that retarded to think if a child is deeply unhappy and dont care to talk about it they must just have a imbalance of some sort that anti depressants will sort right out? Any child that shows signs of depression has most defently got a very good reason as to why that is! So before you stuff them with tablets, or brush it off as a hormonal imbalance or mental disorder...perhaps make a little more effort to dig as deep as you can and correct a wrong doing that has come upon them in their young life!
Lets all wake the fuck up! Life is tough and the pace is only speeding up. How on earth are we all meant to keep up with all these crazy expectations and live a life that is only satisfactory in the eyes of society, but not in our hearts! If you are unhappy...you probably have every right to be! Take all the time YOU need to give yourself the life you want and need!
Kids are being diagnosed with depression, this actually makes me laugh! Have we really become that retarded to think if a child is deeply unhappy and dont care to talk about it they must just have a imbalance of some sort that anti depressants will sort right out? Any child that shows signs of depression has most defently got a very good reason as to why that is! So before you stuff them with tablets, or brush it off as a hormonal imbalance or mental disorder...perhaps make a little more effort to dig as deep as you can and correct a wrong doing that has come upon them in their young life!
Lets all wake the fuck up! Life is tough and the pace is only speeding up. How on earth are we all meant to keep up with all these crazy expectations and live a life that is only satisfactory in the eyes of society, but not in our hearts! If you are unhappy...you probably have every right to be! Take all the time YOU need to give yourself the life you want and need!
I remember a time when i LOL'd for real..
I grew up without a computer. The nearest thing we had to a computer was a keypad that we could plug into the telly and 'pretend' we were on a real computer! My childhood was all about creativity and using the mind to find fun things to do..i.e games, with real people in the real world! I never would have even began to imagine that we would enter a phase in the world where every one communicates THROUGH a computer, as apposed to face to face, in real life! I thought the phone was magical enough...'how amazing' i thought 'our voices can travel down a wire into the other persons ear!'. So you can imagine just how fascinated i was when i got my hands on a computer for the first time.
I have to admit, My laptop is one of my most valuable possessions. Purely because I am forever using it for my writing, photo editing, keeping control of my website and social networking. And now, I am a bit of a natural, like most people, at instant messaging and communicating through email and on line messages! But when I first came across social networking I felt like a complete and utter idiot! How weird to 'chat' to some one without actually hearing their voice. When I first began joining in this craze people must have thought I had a completely emotionless and empty head due to my lack of knowledge on how to express, well, anything without seeing the persons face or hearing their voice. I had no idea what so ever how to transmit any sort of enthusisasm or emotion over the Internet...and it all made me feel very weird, detached and stupid! I remember the first time, I was at home and my best friend Kerry was at school, I was using my sisters boyfriends computer and attempted my first online chat with Kerry. I remember as I typed ''hello, how are you'' i looked around the room and felt really embarrassed that i was trying to talk to some one in this really odd and emotionless way! I had just talked to her on the phone, why would i ask how she is, but that is how i begin all my emails, so this must be how I begin any sort of instant messaging also. Then, she LOL'd at me! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I ignored it thinking she had made some spelling error...but she continued to LOL every time we had any sort of amusing chat exchange...so, feeling silly, I asked her ''what is LOL'' and she replied ''laugh out loud, it means I find it funny what you have said!''. I couldn't believe it..there was a actual virtual way of laughing. I attempted to lol in future but it made me feel like a right pillock...so instead I would, and still do, write ''hahaha'' if I find some thing funny. After all..who really sits at their computer with no one around and Laughs Out Loud! Its just rubbish if you ask me..a simple way to say ''yeah that was funny what you just said but im not reeeaallly laughing out loud!''. And if some thing really does make me fall off my chair with laughter I will just tell them ''that really made me laugh''. Or as my good friend Gem says ''I just laughed out loud in this quiet office and everyone now thinks Im mental''...much better! It makes me laugh in return and is a honest portrayal of how mental us humans look sitting laughing at a screen! Brilliant!
I am completely all for the Internet and all its great advantages, but I refuse to use shortcuts to express some thing! Just say it as it is, be real, we are REAl..we are not living in a computer game and we don't live in a virtual world!
I have to admit, My laptop is one of my most valuable possessions. Purely because I am forever using it for my writing, photo editing, keeping control of my website and social networking. And now, I am a bit of a natural, like most people, at instant messaging and communicating through email and on line messages! But when I first came across social networking I felt like a complete and utter idiot! How weird to 'chat' to some one without actually hearing their voice. When I first began joining in this craze people must have thought I had a completely emotionless and empty head due to my lack of knowledge on how to express, well, anything without seeing the persons face or hearing their voice. I had no idea what so ever how to transmit any sort of enthusisasm or emotion over the Internet...and it all made me feel very weird, detached and stupid! I remember the first time, I was at home and my best friend Kerry was at school, I was using my sisters boyfriends computer and attempted my first online chat with Kerry. I remember as I typed ''hello, how are you'' i looked around the room and felt really embarrassed that i was trying to talk to some one in this really odd and emotionless way! I had just talked to her on the phone, why would i ask how she is, but that is how i begin all my emails, so this must be how I begin any sort of instant messaging also. Then, she LOL'd at me! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I ignored it thinking she had made some spelling error...but she continued to LOL every time we had any sort of amusing chat exchange...so, feeling silly, I asked her ''what is LOL'' and she replied ''laugh out loud, it means I find it funny what you have said!''. I couldn't believe it..there was a actual virtual way of laughing. I attempted to lol in future but it made me feel like a right pillock...so instead I would, and still do, write ''hahaha'' if I find some thing funny. After all..who really sits at their computer with no one around and Laughs Out Loud! Its just rubbish if you ask me..a simple way to say ''yeah that was funny what you just said but im not reeeaallly laughing out loud!''. And if some thing really does make me fall off my chair with laughter I will just tell them ''that really made me laugh''. Or as my good friend Gem says ''I just laughed out loud in this quiet office and everyone now thinks Im mental''...much better! It makes me laugh in return and is a honest portrayal of how mental us humans look sitting laughing at a screen! Brilliant!
I am completely all for the Internet and all its great advantages, but I refuse to use shortcuts to express some thing! Just say it as it is, be real, we are REAl..we are not living in a computer game and we don't live in a virtual world!
A little bit of the good life...or just some thing inbetween!
My thoughts and feelings about money go from one extreme to another! In one way I would be happy to live in a caravan, just me and my dog. Have a liscence and travel around. On the other hand I often find myself day dreaming of having a ton of cash and being able to live in a big house with lots of clean furniture, simplisitic with loads of space around me, Lots of dogs for company with friends and family visiting and even family living at one end of the house (yes the house i day dream about is VERY big). I think that is actually my dream, not a unusaual one! But I grew up with next to nothing, and learned the importance in life is the people around you who you love and to be the best person you can be. My life has been far from materialistic, and the most important gifts I recieved from my family were the beautiful lessons learned on the journey of my life. I can happily go one way or another...to live the life of a traveller or to have a life of material richness. My life, however, is rich..its rich with love, rich with experience, rich with apreciation, rich with true emotions, rich with comfort and support. But I guess we all want what we cant have. It's terrible, but i can never escape the thought of wanting to have lots of money, be able to give my family what they rightly deserve after a life of struggle and to have the comfort of knowing everything will be ok! Who doesnt?!
I love the thought of being able to afford fantistic holidays and travel time and coming back to a wonderful home. I guess what Im saying is I have never had a 'home'...my family are my home, but no destination! Having moved around so much I have never really settled, and spending you entire life renting you never feel any pile of bricks is actually yours to go back to. I do what I can to help with certain organisations, charities, people, animals and the enviroment... but I can never escape the thought that repeatedly pops in my head ''if I had money I could do so much more!''.
My life is wonderful, it always has been! Sure, I have been through a ton of troubles and so has my family, but the beauty of my life is the love I have within it. No amounts of money could ever buy that! And for that I am eternally greatfull.
I love the thought of being able to afford fantistic holidays and travel time and coming back to a wonderful home. I guess what Im saying is I have never had a 'home'...my family are my home, but no destination! Having moved around so much I have never really settled, and spending you entire life renting you never feel any pile of bricks is actually yours to go back to. I do what I can to help with certain organisations, charities, people, animals and the enviroment... but I can never escape the thought that repeatedly pops in my head ''if I had money I could do so much more!''.
My life is wonderful, it always has been! Sure, I have been through a ton of troubles and so has my family, but the beauty of my life is the love I have within it. No amounts of money could ever buy that! And for that I am eternally greatfull.
Meryl Streep..
The magic of Meryl Streep, is that she can work with anyone and bring out the best in them! I just watched 'Its Complicated', not a great film and her co star alec boldwin, has never been my favourite actor, to say the least! But in this he wasn't so bad, and I give full credit to Meryl. Not that he expressed any great acting skills, but she just simply made him look good, or better than usual shall I say. She has some thing special, She can be cast with anyone and make them look good, she is just so great like that.
Mama Mia is probably the only film of hers I didn't like, and that's just because I absaloutly hate ABBA with a passion. But still, she was fantastic in that too and her reasons for doing that film were very touching. Mama Mia came about just after the tragedy of the twin towers, and she felt New York needed something to lift its spirits, especially for the children. So she took her kids to see it in broadway and for the first time since 9/11 she saw their faces lit up with magic, this was all she needed to confirm making Mama Mia was the right thing to do!
Apart from Meryls incredible beauty and grace, she is undeniably one of the best actresses of our time. She already is, and will go down, a complete legend. Not to mention her incredible skills for flawlessly imitating accents from around the globe.
On screen she is so unique, from subtle facial expressions and body language to not being afraid to take on challenging roles, and also not being afraid to make a complete ass of herself in some comedy gold moments!
I could go on and on about the wonderful Meryl Streep, But I think you get the idea! Just amazing!
I am just looking thanks!
Yesterday me and my lovely mum went to one of Devons worst towns for appointments. We escaped the streets that are crowded with gobby, aggresive, disrespectful, looking to start a fight with anyone...dare I say it, SCUM! And hid in the towns nicest shopping store. We looked, hugged and adored all the over priced bags, tried on all the pretty shoes and nipped upstairs for a quick bite to eat. On our way back down I found my nose following what smelt like heaven, and was led to the beauty section where infront of me stood a table filled with the most amazing smelling body care products, all wrapped in vintage style packaging. Urgh, I just couldnt resist. Excitedly I was opening all the testers, smothering myself in the products and wofting them all infront of my mums nose! I was there for literally 20 seconds before, what seemed like all the shop assistance that worked there were completely surrounding me! Wacking diferent cleaners, creams and soaps all over my arms, bombarding me with questions I didnt get a chance to answer and trying their dammed hardest to get me to buy! I couldnt bare it! ARGH get me out of here! I was enjoying my fun with the goods like a kid in a sweet shop, I didnt need to be suffocated with questions. And when I kindly declined to buy all the thousands of products they were waving infront of my face, they rolled their eyes, huffed, one even made a literal grump sound and walked off! WOW!I don't think Il be touching anything in a store like that again! Infact, next time i think il just go straight to the cafe, stuff myself with cake, and leave swiftly!
The Cove...lets save these beautiful dolphins!
I have just watched The Cove. A documentary focusing on dolphin slaughter in Taiji Japan. It has captured my breath, turned my stomach and made me feel close to fainting! I honestly can't believe that the majority of the human race has evolved into such sick, mindless, heartless, torture machine of beings. And here we are, blinded, thinking we are so superior and special for the fact we have evolved! We must be the dumbest race and I will never go back on saying that. I really hope one day, all the innocent animals we have harmed, find the courage to turn on us and torture us like we have done to them. It will probably never happen, and if it doesn't then I can only hope if we don't wake up and make some serious changes globally, we instead completely die out and give this planet and all the beautiful creatures and nature upon it, a serious break and let the earth just breathe and do what its naturally meant to!
If you give a shit, please please please sign this petition, it takes two minutes, you don't have to do any work, just tap those fingers on the keypad and fill in some information and yes, its true, every single signature makes a huge massive difference. Just think, how many people think ''what difference does it make if i don't sign, its only one signature missing''. its not, its loads! So make yours count and SIGN!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/stop-the-dolphin-slaughter
I have a slight arse...there for I am curvy!
It drives me mad what the media considers to be 'curvy' these days! I was always in the belief that curvy meant having a fair amount of fat on your body and nipping in slightly at the waist. But what the media now labels curvy is skinny girls with a large rack and arse! So what does that mean the larger girls are...just fat?! I can't help but find it a little unfair that these skinny ladies, with fat only being on their perky boobs and pert bums, have stolen the 'curvy' label that was once rightfully owned by fuller figure ladies. Just because some one has a hour glass figure does this instantly mean they are curvy? To me there is a big difference between the two. In my opinion a hour glass figure means you have a arse that sticks out slightly and a larger chest, curvy to me means you have a bit more meat on your thighs, arms, tummy, bottom and chest. But thats just my opinion which is clearly not that of the media!
Here are some example of the skinny 'curvy' ladies:
Sure Kelly has a arse and tits...but i detect seriously slim legs, arms and ribs! Hourglass, yes, curvy, no!
The fact people call this woman curvy makes my blood boil, there is nothing curvy about her except her fake breats! Without them, she would have a very teeny tiny slim and straight figure!
On jordan all i see is bones and two melons! No curves whatsoever!
The fact people call megan fox curvy is surely a absalout joke! Totally offensive to any realy curvy women!
And now some examples of truly 'curvy' ladies:
Here are some example of the skinny 'curvy' ladies:
Sure Kelly has a arse and tits...but i detect seriously slim legs, arms and ribs! Hourglass, yes, curvy, no!
The fact people call this woman curvy makes my blood boil, there is nothing curvy about her except her fake breats! Without them, she would have a very teeny tiny slim and straight figure!
On jordan all i see is bones and two melons! No curves whatsoever!
The fact people call megan fox curvy is surely a absalout joke! Totally offensive to any realy curvy women!And now some examples of truly 'curvy' ladies:
Camping continued..the experience!
So, I came back from my camping trip, on the train, choo choo, with my little poppy sprog dog on my lap, watching the scenic English country side pass us by. Lovely! Coming back was almost the nicest part of the mini trip. But all in all it wasn't so bad. Taking Poppy was one of the highlights, our bond grew stronger and she really surprised me how natural she was at the camping life...of course its to be expected of a DOG! But poppy isn't any old dog. She's a little over sensitive but she was just such a total delight to have with me. Also the lonely nights, in the dark tent with nothing to do...I would have been insanely bored if it wasn't for the company of my Little fluffy friend. The weather was extreme, to say the least. Endless rain and crazy howling winds. The odd little sun breaks were when i took advantage to take some pics. Also the whole of Cornwall seemed to be sunny, EXCEPT where we were camping...typical!
So the negatives were... endless wind and rain, cold wet clothes and permanently wet feet, also the bored moments that comes with that sort of weather when your stuck completely out in nature in the middle of nowhere. Although a big part of me was pleased to be returning home when i was on the train, the positives still manage to out weigh the negatives. The gorgeous nights sat in mums tent, rain tapping away on the tent while we cosied up with hot chocolates and great conversations. When my sister, my brother in law and my niece came was the absolute highlight. Loads of bonding time with my niece and i was really sad to leave her behind (I left a few days earlier than everyone else). A gorgeous afternoon on the Cornish cliffs where i saw some of the most stunning clouds in the sky, i was literally breath taken. A delicious BBQ with a little fire to keep us warm, and when it started tipping it down with rain, the hours spent sat in the car to keep warm and dry while my sister delivered me some roasted marshmallows on a stick, with only her face peaking out of her rain gear, slightly resembling Kenny from south park, so cute! The snugly nights and mornings with poppy, keeping each other warm. Very mini adventures and lovely times. I was ready to leave when i did, that night I had hardly any sleep due to crazy wind and rain storms, and I was feeling pretty done in. But as I left on the train I was sad to be leaving everyone behind and missing out on all the extra fun they were having. However, since being home, me and poppy have been appreciating electricity allot more, warmth and my bed! Aaaah, I feel sooo relaxed :) x
So the negatives were... endless wind and rain, cold wet clothes and permanently wet feet, also the bored moments that comes with that sort of weather when your stuck completely out in nature in the middle of nowhere. Although a big part of me was pleased to be returning home when i was on the train, the positives still manage to out weigh the negatives. The gorgeous nights sat in mums tent, rain tapping away on the tent while we cosied up with hot chocolates and great conversations. When my sister, my brother in law and my niece came was the absolute highlight. Loads of bonding time with my niece and i was really sad to leave her behind (I left a few days earlier than everyone else). A gorgeous afternoon on the Cornish cliffs where i saw some of the most stunning clouds in the sky, i was literally breath taken. A delicious BBQ with a little fire to keep us warm, and when it started tipping it down with rain, the hours spent sat in the car to keep warm and dry while my sister delivered me some roasted marshmallows on a stick, with only her face peaking out of her rain gear, slightly resembling Kenny from south park, so cute! The snugly nights and mornings with poppy, keeping each other warm. Very mini adventures and lovely times. I was ready to leave when i did, that night I had hardly any sleep due to crazy wind and rain storms, and I was feeling pretty done in. But as I left on the train I was sad to be leaving everyone behind and missing out on all the extra fun they were having. However, since being home, me and poppy have been appreciating electricity allot more, warmth and my bed! Aaaah, I feel sooo relaxed :) x
Me, my dog and a tent!
Its been years since I ventured out for a camping holiday! The last time I slept out in a little fabric shelter was 4 years ago when I (insanely) decided it was a good idea to join my boyfriend at the time in living in the woods...in a bender! Don't ask me why. The idea of tramping seemed to appeal to me at the time. My dream was to live out of my bag and travel the world. So the first step I took into my little dream was to live in a bender in the middle of a forest...that dream turned out to be short lived!
Sure movies like 'into the wild' make it seem all the more appealing, especially if your already pretty wild at heart. And I wont deny, the first week or so was pretty interesting and exciting. It was the middle of summer at the time also, so that helped in making the experience all the more enjoyable..to begin with! I loved waking up in the fresh air, opening our little shabby fabric door to look over the lake that ran through the forest and hearing literally nothing but a fire going and birds tweeting. The walk to work and back was always amusing too..untill all my best shoes got ruined. It was a little eye opener that maybe, after all, I am more materialistic than i first thought! Then there were the nights when the bender would be shook up and rattled, by god knows what! It scared the life out of both of us, but when your living in the middle of the woods theres really not much you can do except ignore it and go back to sleep. Mini gatherings were fun, But food was always limited, and my god...I do love my food. Sleeping whilst breathing fresh air continuously did me the world of good and gave me more energy than any amounts of coffee could ever give me. That was untill the garlic shrubs started to randomly grow all around us and I couldn't get the smell off me no matter how much i tried. Not fun when you show up for work (that has just a slightly posh image) and you smell like you've been chowing down garlic bread all night and you can barely walk in your beaten up shoes covered in mud that were once pretty strappy dolly shoes.
Still, I stayed upbeat and kept on like a trooper. That was untill, one night I climbed into bed and found what looked like RAT POO in my once wild yet heavenly sleeping lair. Thats when i drew the line. So, off i stomped, into town, with my tired feet, scruffy bag on my back filled with my life and turned up at my local in floods of tears. I sobbed to the pub landlord about the rat poo, my ruined shoes, my bad skin and my smelly garlic hair. ''I just want electricity'' i sobbed ''a comfy bed, a clean room and LIGHT!''. Before I knew it i was put up in one of the rooms above the pub. I lay in bed, put on the telly and felt my bones crack with relief. Aaaah heaven, i thought, never again will i subject myself to the life of the woods! Oh, and not to forget the pile of food i chowed down on that very night...luxury.
So, tomorrow I am off for another camping adventure. This time there wont be rat poo, I am taking all the food i can eat, and a ton of clean clothes and skin care! I will have a tent with a zip so no animals can get in other than my fluffy dog and It will be on a camp site, which means clean shower and toilet facilities, a little shop for all your daily needs and lots of other happy campers! I am so excited, but I know after a night or two I will be looking forward to coming back to warm and comfy bed, my laptop for writing and tv for night time snuggles with my poppy dog!
Il let you know how it goes...
Sure movies like 'into the wild' make it seem all the more appealing, especially if your already pretty wild at heart. And I wont deny, the first week or so was pretty interesting and exciting. It was the middle of summer at the time also, so that helped in making the experience all the more enjoyable..to begin with! I loved waking up in the fresh air, opening our little shabby fabric door to look over the lake that ran through the forest and hearing literally nothing but a fire going and birds tweeting. The walk to work and back was always amusing too..untill all my best shoes got ruined. It was a little eye opener that maybe, after all, I am more materialistic than i first thought! Then there were the nights when the bender would be shook up and rattled, by god knows what! It scared the life out of both of us, but when your living in the middle of the woods theres really not much you can do except ignore it and go back to sleep. Mini gatherings were fun, But food was always limited, and my god...I do love my food. Sleeping whilst breathing fresh air continuously did me the world of good and gave me more energy than any amounts of coffee could ever give me. That was untill the garlic shrubs started to randomly grow all around us and I couldn't get the smell off me no matter how much i tried. Not fun when you show up for work (that has just a slightly posh image) and you smell like you've been chowing down garlic bread all night and you can barely walk in your beaten up shoes covered in mud that were once pretty strappy dolly shoes.
Still, I stayed upbeat and kept on like a trooper. That was untill, one night I climbed into bed and found what looked like RAT POO in my once wild yet heavenly sleeping lair. Thats when i drew the line. So, off i stomped, into town, with my tired feet, scruffy bag on my back filled with my life and turned up at my local in floods of tears. I sobbed to the pub landlord about the rat poo, my ruined shoes, my bad skin and my smelly garlic hair. ''I just want electricity'' i sobbed ''a comfy bed, a clean room and LIGHT!''. Before I knew it i was put up in one of the rooms above the pub. I lay in bed, put on the telly and felt my bones crack with relief. Aaaah heaven, i thought, never again will i subject myself to the life of the woods! Oh, and not to forget the pile of food i chowed down on that very night...luxury.
So, tomorrow I am off for another camping adventure. This time there wont be rat poo, I am taking all the food i can eat, and a ton of clean clothes and skin care! I will have a tent with a zip so no animals can get in other than my fluffy dog and It will be on a camp site, which means clean shower and toilet facilities, a little shop for all your daily needs and lots of other happy campers! I am so excited, but I know after a night or two I will be looking forward to coming back to warm and comfy bed, my laptop for writing and tv for night time snuggles with my poppy dog!
Il let you know how it goes...
The people in my life...
..are really bloody fabulous! Since giving up drinking (on a hard core basis) two years ago, I seemed to have prioritised my life. And my god, its just brilliant! I used to think I was in control, only I really wasn't. I was drowning in assholes (apart from a few people) and i just couldnt see it. When I stopped drinking I was amazed at how many people lost interest in our supposed freindship...i just mis spelt that friendshit, and it almost seemed quite appropriate (made me giggle).
For the first few months of staying off the alcahol I lived a pretty lonely life, I was very family orientated and my boyfriend became my best friend. I cleared out the old and made room for the new. It took a while, but slowly I came to realise who my true friends are. And I can honestly count them on one, maybe two hands. It also made me realise, within the circle of friends I had, alcahol was their only true friend and not the people they were drinking with... its really quite sad! Over the last year I have created a group of very close friends, most of them don't know eachother, and it really doesnt bother me. What really matters is my friendship with those people, and they are very special friendships. The people I have around me now in my life are good honest people. friends I can truly be myself with and dont need to get off my face to have a good time. These friends are people I can go to in any times of need, friends I can laugh with, friends I can cry with, friends I can share new exciting experiences with and friends I can just sit with in a calm state, with nothing much going on but content with one anothers company. I now choose carefully the people I want in my life. It seems snobby, but i have learnt from past experiences its the most healthy thing for me to do. I used to be open to all people from all walks of life, and often found myself being used or hurt by people I trusted naively. Not that everyone was like this, as I also met some of the most inspirational people I have known. But by choosing my friends wisely, I now have friends I love to peices and would do just about anything for. I used to do things for people because it felt like the right thing to do, now when I help out a friend i do it because i really want to.
I have different groups of friends. The friends I work with, who you almost spend the entire time chatting to about all your personal problems, but because you only see eachother in a work enviroment, its like you can be completely honest and raw knowing you wont be judging one another wrongly because all you see is all you get. Although its just at work, there's some thing quite special about that. I have friends who live miles and miles away, but I talk to almost on a daily basis, catching up on the latest in eachothers lives and knowing they are just a phonecall away even if its the middle of the night, Plus when I see these friends we spend a entire week soley dedicated to eachothers company...its just gorgeous! I have friends I bump into and end up spending hours with just laughing, chatting and socialising, these are the friends who you think so fondly of, but at the same time you have so much going on in your own little lives its hard to make it a close friendship where you prioritise eachother. But its accepted at both ends, so when you do run into eachother and end up spending a good few hours just nattering away, its really uplifting and you leave with good thoughts and feelings about one another. Then there are friends who you see as much as you can, you know almost every detail about each others lives and whats going on. If you have a upcoming event, these are the friends you invite to join you. The close knit friendships, the ones that almost every body has. The sort of friendships where you know you could be going your seperate ways at any given moment, but in the meantime you do the best to enjoy the time you have together and make the most of it. And then there are the people you meet, the new possible friendships, some you think you will just hit it off with but it never quite happens and it fizzles out, and others you keep running into as if it's fated that a friendship is to be had.
Whatever form the friendship takes, I apreciate them all! As individually they are special and meaningfull to me whatever the circumstances may be.
For the first few months of staying off the alcahol I lived a pretty lonely life, I was very family orientated and my boyfriend became my best friend. I cleared out the old and made room for the new. It took a while, but slowly I came to realise who my true friends are. And I can honestly count them on one, maybe two hands. It also made me realise, within the circle of friends I had, alcahol was their only true friend and not the people they were drinking with... its really quite sad! Over the last year I have created a group of very close friends, most of them don't know eachother, and it really doesnt bother me. What really matters is my friendship with those people, and they are very special friendships. The people I have around me now in my life are good honest people. friends I can truly be myself with and dont need to get off my face to have a good time. These friends are people I can go to in any times of need, friends I can laugh with, friends I can cry with, friends I can share new exciting experiences with and friends I can just sit with in a calm state, with nothing much going on but content with one anothers company. I now choose carefully the people I want in my life. It seems snobby, but i have learnt from past experiences its the most healthy thing for me to do. I used to be open to all people from all walks of life, and often found myself being used or hurt by people I trusted naively. Not that everyone was like this, as I also met some of the most inspirational people I have known. But by choosing my friends wisely, I now have friends I love to peices and would do just about anything for. I used to do things for people because it felt like the right thing to do, now when I help out a friend i do it because i really want to.
I have different groups of friends. The friends I work with, who you almost spend the entire time chatting to about all your personal problems, but because you only see eachother in a work enviroment, its like you can be completely honest and raw knowing you wont be judging one another wrongly because all you see is all you get. Although its just at work, there's some thing quite special about that. I have friends who live miles and miles away, but I talk to almost on a daily basis, catching up on the latest in eachothers lives and knowing they are just a phonecall away even if its the middle of the night, Plus when I see these friends we spend a entire week soley dedicated to eachothers company...its just gorgeous! I have friends I bump into and end up spending hours with just laughing, chatting and socialising, these are the friends who you think so fondly of, but at the same time you have so much going on in your own little lives its hard to make it a close friendship where you prioritise eachother. But its accepted at both ends, so when you do run into eachother and end up spending a good few hours just nattering away, its really uplifting and you leave with good thoughts and feelings about one another. Then there are friends who you see as much as you can, you know almost every detail about each others lives and whats going on. If you have a upcoming event, these are the friends you invite to join you. The close knit friendships, the ones that almost every body has. The sort of friendships where you know you could be going your seperate ways at any given moment, but in the meantime you do the best to enjoy the time you have together and make the most of it. And then there are the people you meet, the new possible friendships, some you think you will just hit it off with but it never quite happens and it fizzles out, and others you keep running into as if it's fated that a friendship is to be had.
Whatever form the friendship takes, I apreciate them all! As individually they are special and meaningfull to me whatever the circumstances may be.
All things Marci, Update!
So, market was last month, and what a fabulous market it was! A great success all round,And I am dead excited about the next one, which you can catch on the 17th of July at the Ashburton Town Hall from 9am! So excited. I have just spent all day updating loads of gorgeous goods on my website, new Pretty Poppy Handy Purses, handmade by yours truly, and lots of stunning secondhand, vintage inspired dresses and skirts...check them out at www.marcisboutique.co.uk oh and they are dead cheap too! Real bargains, so don't miss out!
Slowly but surely the world of Marcis is picking up bit by bit... I am so excited about up coming markets and aim to do a lot more of them. So keep an eye out on the events page at Marcis Boutique.
The world of vintage is just such a fabulous place to get completely lost in. I find all things vintage and vintage styled to be so precious. It's important to me to keep the old styles alive. So classic and play full. Me and my good friend Gem (who designs and makes the jewelry at Marcis Boutique) have been having a good snoop around for vintage finds. She's been slowly collecting stunning vintage furniture pieces, which again you can find at the markets and soon to be uploaded on my website also. So keep checking back for lots of new items in fashion and furniture at bargain prices. Its all very exciting!
Slowly but surely the world of Marcis is picking up bit by bit... I am so excited about up coming markets and aim to do a lot more of them. So keep an eye out on the events page at Marcis Boutique.
The world of vintage is just such a fabulous place to get completely lost in. I find all things vintage and vintage styled to be so precious. It's important to me to keep the old styles alive. So classic and play full. Me and my good friend Gem (who designs and makes the jewelry at Marcis Boutique) have been having a good snoop around for vintage finds. She's been slowly collecting stunning vintage furniture pieces, which again you can find at the markets and soon to be uploaded on my website also. So keep checking back for lots of new items in fashion and furniture at bargain prices. Its all very exciting!
The challenge of Au Naturel
I love getting out of a hot bath, squeaky clean, smelling fantastic and freshly shaven legs. What I love even more is after the tub, getting into a clean bed with fresh sheets and having a good roll around like a pig in sty! The feel of the sheets on my shaven legs is just heaven. Its like paradise on your skin...OK I'm starting to sound like im advertising Lady Shave! But I really do love it that much. When it comes to it I am a bit of a girly girl. I love my make up, every day is a fancy dress up day for me and I faff with my hair endlessly. However, sometimes, it does all get the better of me and I find myself thinking ''why can't I just be beautiful without make up, with natural flat lifeless hair and big fat hairy legs''. Some times I just want to let myself go completely so I can learn to feel comfortable with my truly natural self! Don't get me wrong, I don't go to the extent that alot of british ladies do, for example, I have never had hair extentions, I would never use fake tan and I don't keep an eye on my weight...I certainly don't watch what i eat, put any food infront of me and it will probably be gone within five minutes! But I do take care of my appearance, and I enjoy it! I love being playfull with my style and feeling good about myself. I love the feeling of having clean skin and I have a skip in my step if i know im smelling pretty good too. But some times I cant help but wonder ''would my boyfriend fancy me as much if I never shaved my legs? Never wore make up? Never faffed with my hair? Never thought too much about the clothes I wear?''. When Im looking my worst, usually first thing in the morning, the sweetheart that he is.. He tells me he thinks im absaloutly beautiful, I can never help but feel he is lieing, and Im sure i am not the only woman who has this reaction! When did we come to believe that we are looking our best when smothered in make up and pampered head to toe? There has been a few times in my life when I have not been recognised by some one I know when I am au naturel.. for example, three years ago when I was living in a flat above my place of work, My boss came up to ask me if i could cover a shift. I answered the door with a towel wrapped around my hair, completely make up free and wearing a plain and simple nighty. He looked at me confused and asked if he could speak to Marcia...I laughed thinking he was joking, but his facial expression didnt change. ''ITS ME'' I laughed, ''jesus christ is it?!'' he replied. I think I ended up feeling more shocked than him! I couldn't believe my own boss didn't recognise me the moment he saw me free of my daily 'mask'. Then there has been the countless occasions where I'm wearing just slightly less concealer under my eyes than usual, and flooding in come the comments ''my god you look tired'' or ''are you feeling ok today? you look pretty worn out''! Fantastic, so now I must make sure I religiously smother on the concealer in order to not look run down..even though I feel like I could run a marathon! Great! Once I was even told that my hair is my signature look...so, after a night of a little too much brandy, I decided to chop it all off. I gave myself a cute little messy bob which I personally rather liked. The same person who told me my hair was my signature look, nearly had a heart attack when they saw me with my new do. No matter how long they stared, or how much they were fluffing up my hair, they just couldnt bring themselves to like it... ''But your long locks, they were just so beautiful''. Again, Fantastic, I am now only beautiful if my hair is long and wavy! There are endless occasions that arise in a womans life where she is made to feel far more attractive when she has spent a fair bit of time grooming herself.
Then there are the ladies who are so naturally beautiful they can literally roll out of bed and have all the men fall at their feet...ahh how lucky they are! But then again, maybe its just a matter of confidence. In the past when I went out for nights on the town much more frequently, I would spend a hour and a half before hand getting myself all dolled up. I'd step into a bar, club or gig and would find myself getting a fair bit of attention. Not that I'm being big headed or anything, thats just the nature of those kinds of places! But I do wonder how much attention I would actually recieve if I would go out completely make up free. I do have the odd days (probably only once a year) where I feel confident enough to go out with very minimal make up, and on those days, if you're feeling comfortable with it, it's actually really liberating! Smothering yourself in make up is not liberating at all... its more like a cover up for a insecure surface. But, in this day and age, with all the type of ladies in the media, it's hard to feel comfortable with your truly natural self, and its a battle nearly everyone faces in her lifetime in some shape or form. I tend to avoid trashy magazines now whenever possible and I dont watch much television. So really, I am avoiding all the best places for a confidence crash. And I have to say...it has helped me magnificently in gaining a little more confidence in how I look. I've learned to love my mini buddha belly that can arise from too much junk food, I don't pannic If I have gone a few days without shaving and my legs begin to grow a little woodland of their own, and I will happily walk my dog, make up free! My biggest passion is vintage fashion, beauty and style, So I will never completely give up taking care of my appearance, as I just love to play around. But I am slowly learning to feel more happy in my own natural skin, free of the chains of having to be dolled up. After all, you are who you are, people like you for who you are, and if they don't, well not everone likes every person on the planet, and thats just how it is, its the nature of human beings, So you have lost nothing.
Then there are the ladies who are so naturally beautiful they can literally roll out of bed and have all the men fall at their feet...ahh how lucky they are! But then again, maybe its just a matter of confidence. In the past when I went out for nights on the town much more frequently, I would spend a hour and a half before hand getting myself all dolled up. I'd step into a bar, club or gig and would find myself getting a fair bit of attention. Not that I'm being big headed or anything, thats just the nature of those kinds of places! But I do wonder how much attention I would actually recieve if I would go out completely make up free. I do have the odd days (probably only once a year) where I feel confident enough to go out with very minimal make up, and on those days, if you're feeling comfortable with it, it's actually really liberating! Smothering yourself in make up is not liberating at all... its more like a cover up for a insecure surface. But, in this day and age, with all the type of ladies in the media, it's hard to feel comfortable with your truly natural self, and its a battle nearly everyone faces in her lifetime in some shape or form. I tend to avoid trashy magazines now whenever possible and I dont watch much television. So really, I am avoiding all the best places for a confidence crash. And I have to say...it has helped me magnificently in gaining a little more confidence in how I look. I've learned to love my mini buddha belly that can arise from too much junk food, I don't pannic If I have gone a few days without shaving and my legs begin to grow a little woodland of their own, and I will happily walk my dog, make up free! My biggest passion is vintage fashion, beauty and style, So I will never completely give up taking care of my appearance, as I just love to play around. But I am slowly learning to feel more happy in my own natural skin, free of the chains of having to be dolled up. After all, you are who you are, people like you for who you are, and if they don't, well not everone likes every person on the planet, and thats just how it is, its the nature of human beings, So you have lost nothing.
F*** YOU!! I'm being patriotic!
I am in no way a football fan. But it's hard to avoid the World Cup, no matter how much you detest football. In all honesty I would rather watch my dog chase a ball than a team of supposedly evolved men. I have to admit, when my blokey watches a game on the telly I cant help but get a little involved, afterall I do like a bit of gaming competition. But what I cant stand is the racial abuse thrown all over the place whenever there is a big match. I raised this issue a few times on facebook, and my god, I have never recieved such a mixed responce! So many people that responded to my comments agreed that whenever there is a world cup extreme racial comments get thrown all over the place and for this they hate the game! Others got annoyed that it was taken so 'personally' and that its all just harmless banter. But I had to disagree, perhaps because I am german, although born and raised in England. I have recieved a lot of stick throughout my life for my race and I am really in quite a interesting postition. Perhaps, because of this, I pick up on all the 'football banter' more than most. I don't take it personally, But I do know when comments are going a little too far, probably from my own experience of what I felt to be racial abuse. It makes no difference to me if the comment is aimed at me or other German people, football fans or not, If banter is thrown about in a negative racial matter then I will find it offensive. I am not talking about the actual team members, more the general public, the fans and the media. During the last world cup four years ago a certain newspaper titled a article about the up coming Germany vs England game ''LETS FIGHT THOSE WAR MACHINES!''... Now what on earth does that mean?! Unless we are still living in the fourties and fighting a war I am completely unaware of, how does that comment have any relevance to Germany and football in this day and age?! It can be easily ignored and seen as harmless, but in Germany they took it very offensively. My uncle wrote to the newspaper saying he found it completely inapropriate, and what do you know, in the next issue of the newspaper they had written a article of apology saying they never meant to offend anyone and take back their comment.
On my facebook status I wrote ''is football just a excuse for people to be racial and excuse it as being patriotic?'' I had such a mixed bag of replies. Alot of people replied saying they hate football purely for how racist people get and how extremely mindless comments get thrown around that are completely racial and offensive. Others said we need to get over it, its just football banter and nothing is meant personally! Well, what I would like to know is, How is it not offensive when two crazed british football fans are shouting racial abuse mixed with comments of football and the war, thrown at two old people driving a car with a German number plate who are simply going about their own business trying to enjoy their holiday?! This is what I witnessed on the day of the Germany vs England game. Along with sick comments all over the internet and racial verbal diaoreah over heard In pubs. Even my boyfriend, who was watching the game in a pub, Overheard fans being a little too offensive for his liking, and I have to say, what a man! He didn't stand for it at all, although he is a football fan through and through, he also has morals and doesnt go out verbally abusing people of another race! Why cant we just enjoy the big game without bringing up Hitler and the war and using any mistakes made in the past as a excuse to totally hammer german people with disgusting remarks and comments. Obviously I am not saying everyone does this, but I was shocked at the incredibly large number of people who were. My mum happened to be over in Germany while the world cup was on, and what she saw was the oposite of what goes on here. In Germany they are treading on egg shells, trying not to step on any ones toes or offend anybody. I am not saying there is no such thing as racism there, as it is around everywhere, but German people don't rant and rave obsceneties towards the british like the british do towards them, they also don't fill their tabloids or anything in the media with innapropriate and offensive comments. The German Priminister even invited our British priminister over to watch the game, make peace and see there is no need for all the racial hatred thrown towards them by british citizeons. So why all this hatred? I really don't understand it! I don't mind a bit of banter, it makes a game all the more fun and competitive, but why take it a step too far and start actually deeply offending people, ruining their holidays and taking the game to a whole new inapropriate level!
I have to say though, I am really greatful for the people who do understand where I am coming from, far more people commented on my facebook status with positive replys in agreement that the game can be taken too far when it comes to the verbal abuse that gets thrown around than people who believe it to be harmless banter. Lets hope we can all see a bit more sence and realise there is just no need to bring up the war, make racist remarks and offensive comments that have nothing to do with the game and that there is just no need to upset a whole nation for the sake of kicking a ball around.
I can go into this a whole lot more, but for now I will leave it here. I enjoy a bit of competition as everyone does, but lets just keep it as a game! Fun and harmless.
On my facebook status I wrote ''is football just a excuse for people to be racial and excuse it as being patriotic?'' I had such a mixed bag of replies. Alot of people replied saying they hate football purely for how racist people get and how extremely mindless comments get thrown around that are completely racial and offensive. Others said we need to get over it, its just football banter and nothing is meant personally! Well, what I would like to know is, How is it not offensive when two crazed british football fans are shouting racial abuse mixed with comments of football and the war, thrown at two old people driving a car with a German number plate who are simply going about their own business trying to enjoy their holiday?! This is what I witnessed on the day of the Germany vs England game. Along with sick comments all over the internet and racial verbal diaoreah over heard In pubs. Even my boyfriend, who was watching the game in a pub, Overheard fans being a little too offensive for his liking, and I have to say, what a man! He didn't stand for it at all, although he is a football fan through and through, he also has morals and doesnt go out verbally abusing people of another race! Why cant we just enjoy the big game without bringing up Hitler and the war and using any mistakes made in the past as a excuse to totally hammer german people with disgusting remarks and comments. Obviously I am not saying everyone does this, but I was shocked at the incredibly large number of people who were. My mum happened to be over in Germany while the world cup was on, and what she saw was the oposite of what goes on here. In Germany they are treading on egg shells, trying not to step on any ones toes or offend anybody. I am not saying there is no such thing as racism there, as it is around everywhere, but German people don't rant and rave obsceneties towards the british like the british do towards them, they also don't fill their tabloids or anything in the media with innapropriate and offensive comments. The German Priminister even invited our British priminister over to watch the game, make peace and see there is no need for all the racial hatred thrown towards them by british citizeons. So why all this hatred? I really don't understand it! I don't mind a bit of banter, it makes a game all the more fun and competitive, but why take it a step too far and start actually deeply offending people, ruining their holidays and taking the game to a whole new inapropriate level!
I have to say though, I am really greatful for the people who do understand where I am coming from, far more people commented on my facebook status with positive replys in agreement that the game can be taken too far when it comes to the verbal abuse that gets thrown around than people who believe it to be harmless banter. Lets hope we can all see a bit more sence and realise there is just no need to bring up the war, make racist remarks and offensive comments that have nothing to do with the game and that there is just no need to upset a whole nation for the sake of kicking a ball around.
I can go into this a whole lot more, but for now I will leave it here. I enjoy a bit of competition as everyone does, but lets just keep it as a game! Fun and harmless.
Dear Diary...
Online blogging is like a great way of keeping a personal diary, only everyone can read it! I remember being little and religiously keeping a personal diary. Then when I was around 9 years old, I got bored of writing to myself day in day out. So on the corner of each page I drew a ink stain, gave it a pair of eyes and called it splodge, My new seceret diary friend had been invented... from then on dear diary turned to dear splodge, Untill i turned 13 and realised writing to ink stain was some what immature!
I have had one of those days today that has made me feel like writing a diary, Only i dont keep them anymore, due to the fact that when i grew into my late teens i decided actually having a life was far more exciting than writing what i ate that day on a peice of paper in a secret book! so, earlier today I ventured into a near by town with my mum, only to collapse the moment i stepped out of the car...A harsh reminder, after months of what felt like a slow recovery, that I am infact very much still under the curse of having M.E and P.O.T.S (yes haha, I am not stoned all the time, its a medical condition called postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome). My mum rushed me to the doctors and it took me about two hours untill i wasnt completely shaking anymore and could just about stand up and walk a couple of metres. It's made me realise, how desperately I am always trying to have a normal life, and then just when i think I am achieving that, I have some kind of downfall as a harsh reminder I am still very much battleing with a illness. I am greatful it isnt life threatening, but my god it does make life alot harder! Due to my little incident today I missed a crucial hospital appointment that I have been waiting for for months! Still not the end of the world, As i can rebook it and wait another 6 months. It dawned on me while at the GP how little help I have actually recieved since being ill and how my life could be made alot easier with some simple mobility assistance. For the first time I thought about getting myself a wheelchair, for the days, like today, where I can hardly walk a few metres without collapsing. After all, If I had a wheelchair, or some form of mobility help, I would have been able to make it to my hospital appointment, I would also have then been able to get myself some food, as the cupboards are bare and my tummy is endlessly rumbleing! It would be a fantastic alternative to lying in bed day in day out untill I feel liek i can actually get up and go to the toilet without passing out! At the same time it seems like a crazy idea. I have always been a healthy fit young lady. I used to have endless energy and many ideas for living a crazy life. My god, how life can change! I am always trying to run away from the fact that I am not that person anymore, and almost fool myself into believing it would still be possible for me to go travelling on my own and work 5 full days a week. The reality is, its not! I cant even touch alcahol, caffeine or any other form of stimulant as it instantly gets my symptoms raging! I get up every morning, put on my make up and my fancy clothes and i fool everyone into believing i am a healthy young woman! My family and boyfriend are the only people who see the states I actually end up in. Collapsing randomly, make up all over my face to the point I look like a panda who has been punched repeatedly, shaking and weeping trying to keep my shit together and then after a few hours falling into a heap ready to completely zonk out for a few hours after a exausting time trying to not faint!
When I got home after my little ordeal I realised how reluctent the doctors are to help, as they know hardly anything about my illness, and how there is no one and no where to turn to for the exact help i need. I also realised I have never met anyone with p.o.t.s and probably never will unless i go out deliberatly looking for them. Its such a rare illness, you just don't know where to turn. No one understands it and the chances are you yourself, the one suffering with it, won't even understand it either due to such little medical knowledge. It really is frustrating. So, it got me thinking, its time to get the camera out and start making some mini home documentries about living with M.E and P.O.T.S. posting it on the net in order to find people who are having the same problems and not knowing where to turn. Building a online comunity where everyone who suffers with m.e and p.o.t.s can go and turn to others in the same situation for help and advice! Maybe we can trade holistic approaches, home help remedies, and any other ideas tried and tested, information thats like gold among us suffering with this rare condition. Its a idea, and soon it will be in progress.
I have had one of those days today that has made me feel like writing a diary, Only i dont keep them anymore, due to the fact that when i grew into my late teens i decided actually having a life was far more exciting than writing what i ate that day on a peice of paper in a secret book! so, earlier today I ventured into a near by town with my mum, only to collapse the moment i stepped out of the car...A harsh reminder, after months of what felt like a slow recovery, that I am infact very much still under the curse of having M.E and P.O.T.S (yes haha, I am not stoned all the time, its a medical condition called postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome). My mum rushed me to the doctors and it took me about two hours untill i wasnt completely shaking anymore and could just about stand up and walk a couple of metres. It's made me realise, how desperately I am always trying to have a normal life, and then just when i think I am achieving that, I have some kind of downfall as a harsh reminder I am still very much battleing with a illness. I am greatful it isnt life threatening, but my god it does make life alot harder! Due to my little incident today I missed a crucial hospital appointment that I have been waiting for for months! Still not the end of the world, As i can rebook it and wait another 6 months. It dawned on me while at the GP how little help I have actually recieved since being ill and how my life could be made alot easier with some simple mobility assistance. For the first time I thought about getting myself a wheelchair, for the days, like today, where I can hardly walk a few metres without collapsing. After all, If I had a wheelchair, or some form of mobility help, I would have been able to make it to my hospital appointment, I would also have then been able to get myself some food, as the cupboards are bare and my tummy is endlessly rumbleing! It would be a fantastic alternative to lying in bed day in day out untill I feel liek i can actually get up and go to the toilet without passing out! At the same time it seems like a crazy idea. I have always been a healthy fit young lady. I used to have endless energy and many ideas for living a crazy life. My god, how life can change! I am always trying to run away from the fact that I am not that person anymore, and almost fool myself into believing it would still be possible for me to go travelling on my own and work 5 full days a week. The reality is, its not! I cant even touch alcahol, caffeine or any other form of stimulant as it instantly gets my symptoms raging! I get up every morning, put on my make up and my fancy clothes and i fool everyone into believing i am a healthy young woman! My family and boyfriend are the only people who see the states I actually end up in. Collapsing randomly, make up all over my face to the point I look like a panda who has been punched repeatedly, shaking and weeping trying to keep my shit together and then after a few hours falling into a heap ready to completely zonk out for a few hours after a exausting time trying to not faint!
When I got home after my little ordeal I realised how reluctent the doctors are to help, as they know hardly anything about my illness, and how there is no one and no where to turn to for the exact help i need. I also realised I have never met anyone with p.o.t.s and probably never will unless i go out deliberatly looking for them. Its such a rare illness, you just don't know where to turn. No one understands it and the chances are you yourself, the one suffering with it, won't even understand it either due to such little medical knowledge. It really is frustrating. So, it got me thinking, its time to get the camera out and start making some mini home documentries about living with M.E and P.O.T.S. posting it on the net in order to find people who are having the same problems and not knowing where to turn. Building a online comunity where everyone who suffers with m.e and p.o.t.s can go and turn to others in the same situation for help and advice! Maybe we can trade holistic approaches, home help remedies, and any other ideas tried and tested, information thats like gold among us suffering with this rare condition. Its a idea, and soon it will be in progress.
My Poppy Puppy
I have a dog..and I tend to go on about it! So I thought I would get it all out of my system and blog about it, Its really just another excuse to talk about her some where else in cyber world! I also can't imagine any one would get even 1% the amount of enjoyment reading this that I do from yapping on about her. Yep, I said Yapping!
You can probably already tell she is a pretty big part of my life and I love her as if she were my child. It's worrying I know, but only other dog owners can understand and appreciate how special it really is to have such a creature comfort in your life...and just as i am typing this she has some how managed to rewind my dvd for me, amazing!
I would start this by telling you where my love for dogs began, only thats impossible, as the truth is I actually always hated them! Yes its true, I was a big wimp when it came to dogs! I was bought up with the biggest softie golden retriever, she never barked or jumped up at people unless commanded to do so. There for, if another dog came bounding up to me or would bark I literally thought it was about to tare me to peices and eat me alive, I realise now all they are really doing is saying hello, in a weird up beat very hyper, bubbly sort of way! If I saw a dog coming towards me, even on a lead, I would have to cross the road and get myself together after experiencing a near pannic attack almost every time! So you're probably wondering why the hell I got myself a dog... the reason is actually a little pathetic although slightly endearing at the same time. For a few months I found myself thinking alot about the golden retriever I was bought up with, I missed her and would find myself waking up having dreamt about her and reminising over past times when she was still alive. It made me think ''will I ever not be afraid of dogs?!''. I then ended up one winter afternoon, watching Lady and the Tramp, one of my all time favourite childhood movies. Lady was my dream dog, if only I could not be so afraid of them. Then one afternoon I was on a bus and a blind man came on board with his guide dog. I couldnt stop watching how amazingly perfect the relationship was between them. How the dog was his key to the outside world, giving him access to get about and do what he needed. This dog was giving this man his freedom in a otherwise terrifying world, with or without a dog, blind or not! It made me think, what the hell would I do if i turned blind and had to get a dog to help me...I wouldnt be able to go near the thing out of fear! I then built up a entire story in my head, which I am not going to tell as I am actually turning this story into a book ;) Then one spring day I was walking through the park and saw two cavaliers, cassie and ziggy, they looked the spitting image of lady! I gasped with excitement and ran over to the owner asking all about the dogs, I had never seen one in real life before, well, not that i had been aware of! The dogs came over to greet me all excitedly, I instantly filled up with fear! The owner reasured me they are the friendliest dogs you could ever meet, and I didnt doubt it, they were just adorbale and had the most loving nature! For the first time in my life I sat down comfortably and played and cuddled with these dogs! I couldnt believe it, I had just made friends with two stranger dogs! I wont home with a skip in my step and couldnt wait to tell everyone about my amazing little experience. For weeks I couldnt get these gorgeous cavaliers out of my head, I just had to have one! The only way i can describe how much I felt i needed one was that of a similar feeling to what a mother feels when she knows its her time to have a baby. A little extreme I know, But its the only way i can describe the need i felt to have a dog and that it wasnt like wanting your favourite toy when your a kid, its so much more of a bigger responsibilty. I knew I couldnt take it lightly, especially with being diagnosed with m.e and p.o.t.s syndrome, most people would think it would be the craziest thing I could do, and thats exactly what they thought when, after lots of research and finding breeders, I announced it to everyone that I was getting myself a king charles cavalier! Through my research I discovered they can have absaloutly dibilitating and life threatening health defects if you havent got them from a very responsible breeder. So I met with various breeders untill I found one i felt completely satisfied with.
Then came the best day ever. The day my boyfriend drove me to Bristol to pick up a possible pup! We had been warned she was the runt, and if i didnt like her they wouldnt put me under any pressure to have her! We arrived, walked through the door, and were covered with about 8 cavaliers all jumping and bounding at us, and it was liek they didnt exist, the first thing I saw was a gorgeous, very white (apparently badly marked) tiny little girl pup sitting in the corner of the room by her self, slightly wagging her tail, but knowing she didnt stand a chance for attention with all the other over excited dogs making sure they got all the attention first. I gasped with excitement, looked at my boyfriend and squeeled ''thats her thats her'' I went straight over to cuddle her ignoring all the other over excited pups and dogs. Instantly we built a bond, The owner looked at us, smiled and said ''aw your clearly made for eachother''. Ever since she has told me she couldnt of found a better home for her little runt, and it warms my heart every time. I took her home and she instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Since, there hasnt been one day that I have regreted having her, wether I have been completely ill or not, she brightens every day in my life. I used to suffer extreme insomnia...that went away from the first night my little poppy puppy stayed with me. Yes, she sleeps on my bed! How could I resist her little wimpering cries on the first night I had her! My m.e and P.O.T.S have greatly improved since having her also, and on days where i am completely bed ridden from illness she is the most patient and loving friend. These days come rarely now, but if she knows I am ill, she will just lie by my side all day and nigth without giving me one bit of hassle, just love and affection instead. Im not afraid of any dogs anymore, I know the ones to avoid, and all others i play with them without a moments hesitation. Its amazing how a furry friend can brighten up your life. Every good dog owner will understand how truly special it is, the bond between man and dog. Its so unique and really incredible and should be really apreciated. I know I do :)
You can probably already tell she is a pretty big part of my life and I love her as if she were my child. It's worrying I know, but only other dog owners can understand and appreciate how special it really is to have such a creature comfort in your life...and just as i am typing this she has some how managed to rewind my dvd for me, amazing!
I would start this by telling you where my love for dogs began, only thats impossible, as the truth is I actually always hated them! Yes its true, I was a big wimp when it came to dogs! I was bought up with the biggest softie golden retriever, she never barked or jumped up at people unless commanded to do so. There for, if another dog came bounding up to me or would bark I literally thought it was about to tare me to peices and eat me alive, I realise now all they are really doing is saying hello, in a weird up beat very hyper, bubbly sort of way! If I saw a dog coming towards me, even on a lead, I would have to cross the road and get myself together after experiencing a near pannic attack almost every time! So you're probably wondering why the hell I got myself a dog... the reason is actually a little pathetic although slightly endearing at the same time. For a few months I found myself thinking alot about the golden retriever I was bought up with, I missed her and would find myself waking up having dreamt about her and reminising over past times when she was still alive. It made me think ''will I ever not be afraid of dogs?!''. I then ended up one winter afternoon, watching Lady and the Tramp, one of my all time favourite childhood movies. Lady was my dream dog, if only I could not be so afraid of them. Then one afternoon I was on a bus and a blind man came on board with his guide dog. I couldnt stop watching how amazingly perfect the relationship was between them. How the dog was his key to the outside world, giving him access to get about and do what he needed. This dog was giving this man his freedom in a otherwise terrifying world, with or without a dog, blind or not! It made me think, what the hell would I do if i turned blind and had to get a dog to help me...I wouldnt be able to go near the thing out of fear! I then built up a entire story in my head, which I am not going to tell as I am actually turning this story into a book ;) Then one spring day I was walking through the park and saw two cavaliers, cassie and ziggy, they looked the spitting image of lady! I gasped with excitement and ran over to the owner asking all about the dogs, I had never seen one in real life before, well, not that i had been aware of! The dogs came over to greet me all excitedly, I instantly filled up with fear! The owner reasured me they are the friendliest dogs you could ever meet, and I didnt doubt it, they were just adorbale and had the most loving nature! For the first time in my life I sat down comfortably and played and cuddled with these dogs! I couldnt believe it, I had just made friends with two stranger dogs! I wont home with a skip in my step and couldnt wait to tell everyone about my amazing little experience. For weeks I couldnt get these gorgeous cavaliers out of my head, I just had to have one! The only way i can describe how much I felt i needed one was that of a similar feeling to what a mother feels when she knows its her time to have a baby. A little extreme I know, But its the only way i can describe the need i felt to have a dog and that it wasnt like wanting your favourite toy when your a kid, its so much more of a bigger responsibilty. I knew I couldnt take it lightly, especially with being diagnosed with m.e and p.o.t.s syndrome, most people would think it would be the craziest thing I could do, and thats exactly what they thought when, after lots of research and finding breeders, I announced it to everyone that I was getting myself a king charles cavalier! Through my research I discovered they can have absaloutly dibilitating and life threatening health defects if you havent got them from a very responsible breeder. So I met with various breeders untill I found one i felt completely satisfied with.
Then came the best day ever. The day my boyfriend drove me to Bristol to pick up a possible pup! We had been warned she was the runt, and if i didnt like her they wouldnt put me under any pressure to have her! We arrived, walked through the door, and were covered with about 8 cavaliers all jumping and bounding at us, and it was liek they didnt exist, the first thing I saw was a gorgeous, very white (apparently badly marked) tiny little girl pup sitting in the corner of the room by her self, slightly wagging her tail, but knowing she didnt stand a chance for attention with all the other over excited dogs making sure they got all the attention first. I gasped with excitement, looked at my boyfriend and squeeled ''thats her thats her'' I went straight over to cuddle her ignoring all the other over excited pups and dogs. Instantly we built a bond, The owner looked at us, smiled and said ''aw your clearly made for eachother''. Ever since she has told me she couldnt of found a better home for her little runt, and it warms my heart every time. I took her home and she instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Since, there hasnt been one day that I have regreted having her, wether I have been completely ill or not, she brightens every day in my life. I used to suffer extreme insomnia...that went away from the first night my little poppy puppy stayed with me. Yes, she sleeps on my bed! How could I resist her little wimpering cries on the first night I had her! My m.e and P.O.T.S have greatly improved since having her also, and on days where i am completely bed ridden from illness she is the most patient and loving friend. These days come rarely now, but if she knows I am ill, she will just lie by my side all day and nigth without giving me one bit of hassle, just love and affection instead. Im not afraid of any dogs anymore, I know the ones to avoid, and all others i play with them without a moments hesitation. Its amazing how a furry friend can brighten up your life. Every good dog owner will understand how truly special it is, the bond between man and dog. Its so unique and really incredible and should be really apreciated. I know I do :)
I think I found a cure...for the 3 year itch!
...and it comes in the form of Ashburton, the town I live in! Yes, I never thought I would say it, after all these years of moaning about wanting to move on every three years, moving around endlessly. I think I may have possibly found my home...for now anyway! I especially never thought I would consider Ashburton, of all places, as a possible home! For two years I have been moaning about feeling chlostrophobic and wanting to get out of here, but not really knowing where I want to go to. Ashburton is also the sort of place, if any one knows it, it gets instantly knocked as being a granny town and a very boring place to be! True, for two years I had that view too! But since christmas (we're now in summer) I have found some hidden treasures in this town and I have slowly developed a little love affair for it. I grew very sick of Totnes (where i previously lived) for all its high and mighty locals, people thinking they are so special and desperately trying to claim they are unique...when your living in a town full of people who think they are gods gift, its starts to feel like every one is a clone, and not very unique at all! This town however, has some really amazing people who slowly come out of the woodwork, one by one you meet people who are really creative and just doing it for themselves, maybe making a bit of extra pocket money from it too. Real genuine people, who value life and the simplicity of living in such a beautiful area. Up the road on the A38 is Exeter if i feel i need my big town fix, down the road the other way is family and friends, and where I am is a simple town, surrounded by countryside, filled with inspirational people who do exciting little projetcs for their comunity. I can go for walks and be right out in nature, just me and my dog. I have every thing I need. I just have to open my eyes to see the beauty of it. And I think I am beginning to wake up and really apreciate what I have!
A chav is a hippy, a hippy is a chav!
I grew up being bullied by what we now call ''chavs''. They effectively made the majority of my child hood a living hell! So, as a result, I left school early in order to live my life free of daily abuse. From the age 10 - 18 I hated chavs to the core. If they ever came up in converstation I would become heated and passionately express my feelings about them. I felt like I wanted the whole world to know just how low a scum they are. When I was 19 I moved to Totnes, Devon. Totnes being famously known for its hippy vibe and alternative culture. I was surrounded by chav haters... I felt like I had entered heaven! It wasn't long before I began working with the ultimate chav! From the start we were at eachothers throats at any given chance. Untill one day she made a joke, I laughed, made a joke back and she laughed... strangely, from that moment on, we became friends! She also became the first person I told my deepest darkest secerets to, and so did she in return. We had built a peculiar bond. We couldnt have been more different and opposite to eachother, yet we would confide in eachother and make obscene jokes. She would look out for me if I got any unwanted male attention, she cooked me meals and I looked after her son. We got high together and laughed our heads off untill we were blue in the face. We went to parties and met a whole variety of intersting people. For a while we were pretty inseprable! I had my ''hippy'' friends, and through her I met more chavvy type people, who, alot of them, believe it or not, were just as nice as my soft and squidgy slightly dippy hippy buddies. Although, again, complete oposites!
Because of her, and the people I met through her, my gaurds had come down when it came to chav like people. I learned not to judge them and I also learned a whole lot about them and why they come across, and often are, such terrors in our society. When you look at many of their backgrounds, its actually not that surprising. The amount of mothers I met who were careless and couldnt string two sentences together without using the word 'FUCK' at least 5 times, it opened my eyes and made me realise these kids had just been dragged up as aposed to being bought up! No wonder they're so pissed off! The whole town couldnt believe I was running around with these new found friends. People would approach me and ask why I was hanging around with them ''your so different'' they would say ''you deserve better friends than that, it doesn't make any sence'' and I couldnt help but feel completely offended. I new this girl inside out, I knew all her troubles in life and experiences that were so horrific they had shaped her into who she is today, a pretty loud mouthed, unaproachable angry person who doesnt know where to turn for help, and probably isn't even aware she might need help! My heart sank when I would hear her troubled stories and for some one to instantly knock her down would really put a dent in me.
A few years on we parted as friends, went our seperate ways and lost touch. What amazed me even more than all the above was the amount of times people would say to me ''thank god your not friends with her anymore, it didnt suit you, you can do much better'' these people being supposed hippies...hippies being defined as loving natured people, who stand for a open mind and positive changes in society. Well it quickly came to my attention that chavs are a nightmare for society and individuals who can get caught up in them in the wrong way, and the modern day hippy is just a image for people who have probably, at some point in life, been bullied themselves, only through life they carry with them a anger towards certain types of people and certainly dont have a open mind beyond anything alternative! They find sanctury in the modern hippy culture but with it create a very closed minded approach to anything out side of their circle! I am forever hearing ''hippies'' putting down chavs, chavs put down hippies too...so your equals, get over it, move on, and start accepting people as individuals and stop defining every one by the outer image they choose to create for them selves!
I have been bought up by very alternative parents and in a real hippy like enviroment, I went to ferstivals almost every year throughout my childhood and got to hang out with alot of crazy hippies in my life. So some could say I'm a hippy, but I personally dont think that highly the modern day hippy as i find most of them to be just as judge mental as chavs. The 60s got it right when it came to the alternative scene! I am most certainly not a chav and probably couldn't be further from it. I dont talk like one, dress like one, live like one or act like one. But this little experience sums it up for me...
When I first hung out with my friend and got introduced to alot of other 'chavs' they would instantly blow up in my face and say things like ''err you fucking hippy'' etc and I just wouldn't take it, Id laugh at them and say ''yeh, whats wrong with that?'' usually, they wouldn't have much of a responce to come back at me with, so i figured their little comment was really quite meaningless and they don't actually know what they are talking about, so we would go on to talk about some thing else. Others would answer my question with ''well you don't wash, hippies don't wash'' and I would reply ''well I can assure you I have a bath every single night, and if i dont its just because iv been too busy partying! I don't think you actually know what a hippy is do you?'' They would think about it for a second, quickly forget it and move onto some thing else. Either way, most of them would say a comment to start with but quickly move on from it, I would force conversation upon them and they would realise pretty quickly we could get along. We would have a laugh and quite often have some pretty intense conversations about their view on things. Either way, if you gave them a chance, they would quickly forget what you look like and just get on with things! Then one day, I approached a 'hippy' for a lighter, I was dressed in heels (I fancied tarting myself up for the day) had a vintage mini dress on and lots of 60s make up...now back in the 60s I probably would have made a instant friend with this hippy, but with the modern day version thats not quite the way it goes, he looked me up and down rolled his eyes and gave me a lighter! The friends he was sat with were throwing me funny looks, I felt so awkward, I tried to make conversation about their dog (as my pup was attempting to play with it but getting the same shut off reaction as me!!) and they just ignored everything I was saying. So I politely thanked them and walked off! A few weeks later I saw the same group of people, this time i was in my much more hippy festival get up...I thought they would remember me from before so as I walked past I said hello, they all waved or said hello back, my dog started sniffing their dog and I got stuck again 'shit' I thought 'here comes the awkward conversation attempt' only I didnt have to, they were all bombarding me with conversation ''what breed is your dog? she's gorgeous'' weird i thought, I had told them about my dog before! They offered me some of their whiskey, ''are you on holiday'' they asked... again 'weird' I started thinking, surely they would know Im not on holiday as they saw me a few weeks ago, if they don't remember me they would remember my insanely cute puppy! So i said ''no, dont you remember I met you before, asked for a lighter'' they all looked at me confused, The guy suddenly sparked up ''oh shit, that was you?!! god you look so different!''...what a odd responce! I learned from that experience, If i looked like a hippy i was warmly welcomed into their circle, If I looked like a tart they couldnt give me the time of day! Chavs however...just seem to hate everyone! They hate eachother, they often fuck eachother over, and they hate hippies, business men, teachers, grannies, their parents...everyone! Usually because, when you look a little beyond the surface, its because they have a pretty good reason for ending up like they have!
Now I choose my friends wisely. I tend to not have a group of friends so much as lots of individual gorgeous big hearted friends. When I had a group of chav friends, there was too much chaos and back stabbing, when I had a group of hippy friends, there was too much ego going on, which led me to think no one was really being themselves and people were quietly backstabbing eachother also, just over time and not quite so obviously as with chavs! Its all part of growing up and learning. I dont judge people instantly by their cover anymore, unless the moment i meet them they are being a complete asshole of course! I like getting to know people individually, and for that I have some of the most individual, special and amazing friends I can trust wholly and completely!
Because of her, and the people I met through her, my gaurds had come down when it came to chav like people. I learned not to judge them and I also learned a whole lot about them and why they come across, and often are, such terrors in our society. When you look at many of their backgrounds, its actually not that surprising. The amount of mothers I met who were careless and couldnt string two sentences together without using the word 'FUCK' at least 5 times, it opened my eyes and made me realise these kids had just been dragged up as aposed to being bought up! No wonder they're so pissed off! The whole town couldnt believe I was running around with these new found friends. People would approach me and ask why I was hanging around with them ''your so different'' they would say ''you deserve better friends than that, it doesn't make any sence'' and I couldnt help but feel completely offended. I new this girl inside out, I knew all her troubles in life and experiences that were so horrific they had shaped her into who she is today, a pretty loud mouthed, unaproachable angry person who doesnt know where to turn for help, and probably isn't even aware she might need help! My heart sank when I would hear her troubled stories and for some one to instantly knock her down would really put a dent in me.
A few years on we parted as friends, went our seperate ways and lost touch. What amazed me even more than all the above was the amount of times people would say to me ''thank god your not friends with her anymore, it didnt suit you, you can do much better'' these people being supposed hippies...hippies being defined as loving natured people, who stand for a open mind and positive changes in society. Well it quickly came to my attention that chavs are a nightmare for society and individuals who can get caught up in them in the wrong way, and the modern day hippy is just a image for people who have probably, at some point in life, been bullied themselves, only through life they carry with them a anger towards certain types of people and certainly dont have a open mind beyond anything alternative! They find sanctury in the modern hippy culture but with it create a very closed minded approach to anything out side of their circle! I am forever hearing ''hippies'' putting down chavs, chavs put down hippies too...so your equals, get over it, move on, and start accepting people as individuals and stop defining every one by the outer image they choose to create for them selves!
I have been bought up by very alternative parents and in a real hippy like enviroment, I went to ferstivals almost every year throughout my childhood and got to hang out with alot of crazy hippies in my life. So some could say I'm a hippy, but I personally dont think that highly the modern day hippy as i find most of them to be just as judge mental as chavs. The 60s got it right when it came to the alternative scene! I am most certainly not a chav and probably couldn't be further from it. I dont talk like one, dress like one, live like one or act like one. But this little experience sums it up for me...
When I first hung out with my friend and got introduced to alot of other 'chavs' they would instantly blow up in my face and say things like ''err you fucking hippy'' etc and I just wouldn't take it, Id laugh at them and say ''yeh, whats wrong with that?'' usually, they wouldn't have much of a responce to come back at me with, so i figured their little comment was really quite meaningless and they don't actually know what they are talking about, so we would go on to talk about some thing else. Others would answer my question with ''well you don't wash, hippies don't wash'' and I would reply ''well I can assure you I have a bath every single night, and if i dont its just because iv been too busy partying! I don't think you actually know what a hippy is do you?'' They would think about it for a second, quickly forget it and move onto some thing else. Either way, most of them would say a comment to start with but quickly move on from it, I would force conversation upon them and they would realise pretty quickly we could get along. We would have a laugh and quite often have some pretty intense conversations about their view on things. Either way, if you gave them a chance, they would quickly forget what you look like and just get on with things! Then one day, I approached a 'hippy' for a lighter, I was dressed in heels (I fancied tarting myself up for the day) had a vintage mini dress on and lots of 60s make up...now back in the 60s I probably would have made a instant friend with this hippy, but with the modern day version thats not quite the way it goes, he looked me up and down rolled his eyes and gave me a lighter! The friends he was sat with were throwing me funny looks, I felt so awkward, I tried to make conversation about their dog (as my pup was attempting to play with it but getting the same shut off reaction as me!!) and they just ignored everything I was saying. So I politely thanked them and walked off! A few weeks later I saw the same group of people, this time i was in my much more hippy festival get up...I thought they would remember me from before so as I walked past I said hello, they all waved or said hello back, my dog started sniffing their dog and I got stuck again 'shit' I thought 'here comes the awkward conversation attempt' only I didnt have to, they were all bombarding me with conversation ''what breed is your dog? she's gorgeous'' weird i thought, I had told them about my dog before! They offered me some of their whiskey, ''are you on holiday'' they asked... again 'weird' I started thinking, surely they would know Im not on holiday as they saw me a few weeks ago, if they don't remember me they would remember my insanely cute puppy! So i said ''no, dont you remember I met you before, asked for a lighter'' they all looked at me confused, The guy suddenly sparked up ''oh shit, that was you?!! god you look so different!''...what a odd responce! I learned from that experience, If i looked like a hippy i was warmly welcomed into their circle, If I looked like a tart they couldnt give me the time of day! Chavs however...just seem to hate everyone! They hate eachother, they often fuck eachother over, and they hate hippies, business men, teachers, grannies, their parents...everyone! Usually because, when you look a little beyond the surface, its because they have a pretty good reason for ending up like they have!
Now I choose my friends wisely. I tend to not have a group of friends so much as lots of individual gorgeous big hearted friends. When I had a group of chav friends, there was too much chaos and back stabbing, when I had a group of hippy friends, there was too much ego going on, which led me to think no one was really being themselves and people were quietly backstabbing eachother also, just over time and not quite so obviously as with chavs! Its all part of growing up and learning. I dont judge people instantly by their cover anymore, unless the moment i meet them they are being a complete asshole of course! I like getting to know people individually, and for that I have some of the most individual, special and amazing friends I can trust wholly and completely!
Unemployment in the UK
It seems to me if you raise the topic of unemployment in the UK, you end up feeling like you have entered the spanish Inquisition. The problem most 'working' people have is the feeling that people on job seekers are soaking up the benefits that tax payers provide for them. I doubt very much tax would even be decreased if these benefits systems were thrown out all together, as we are all after all paying for things we don't feel is necessary, like food for prison in mates, weapons for wars and the things that are necessary in our society like street lighting, rubbish collectors, dog poo bins etc! Either way, we all pay tax weather we like it or not, for things we may or may not agree with. The argument can go on and on and on.
Working people are so quick to say unemployed people are just 'lazy' and they get immediately outraged at the thought that they are paying for them to ''sit on their arses and do nothing''. In my opinion there is a route cause for everything. I honestly don't think the thought process for most people is as simple as ''I cant be bothered to work, I will just go on benefits instead''. As most people who do go to the job centre, do at some point end up finding work. So whats the problem? Is it just the fact we don't like seeing our wage packet with a big number swiped off it so instantly find the easiest target to blame it on? I know I hate it, but I feel more angered that my hard earned money is going towards a war I do not support in any way,the thought doesn't even cross my mind that the money has gone straight to the job centre.
If people honestly feel too lazy to work, there has to be a reason! Surely no one enjoys being lazy and feeling like their life isn't good enough to do anything with, because lets face it, with the benefits wage you can't exactly enjoy a good holiday or even afford to buy some decent food! So the problem, surely, has to lye allot deeper than how we see it! The age of the majority of the unemployed ranges from 16-25, and yes most of them probably are just sitting on their ''arses'', smoking pot and doing nothing. But why does this enrage us? I personally don't envy that kind of lifestyle at all, so i have nothing to be annoyed about, I actually just feel sorry for these people that they don't feel they have any direction. And where does that stem from? I personally believe it all starts with the messed up school system, too many kids crammed into one classroom, all losing their mind, being taught things they have no interest in and nothing inspiring that they can feed off, the teachers are under so much pressure its hard for them to show they even care that much! After school the kids are bored, most parents are working full time and their is hardly any family time in this day and age. There is a insane amount of drug abuse among teenagers, because no one is looking, every one is turning a blind eye and not enough is being done to inspire kids, give them direction and make them feel they have anything to work towards. Its one problem to the next. They come out of school, probably already hooked on weed and alcohol, with no inspiration ever been injected into their lives, so they feel hopeless, probably without realising it. The next step... why would they then choose to go into a job they hate, full time for minimum wage, where with their earnings they cant afford to begin their own life. I have grafted my ass off on minimum wage and it was impossible to rent a cheap flat, pay for bills and afford to feed myself! With no direction, inspiration or drive in the first place, why would they then choose to make their lives harder.
The whole system needs to be addressed from the school years on. Drug and alcohol abuse needs to be looked at in a great more detail and young people need to be given a hell of allot more hope and support. They need to feel their life is worth more than doing nothing day in day out.
Then there is the fact that there aren't actually enough jobs out there! And that is fact, weather you like it or not, that's just how it is! There are far too many people squished into this country, you wouldn't know where to begin to help them all find work. Especially as so many jobs have been wiped out. It hit me today when I asked my mum, whose taking a train to luton with many changes and lots of bags, if she will get help carrying all her luggage at the stations, and then I realised there no longer are helpers at the train stations....now that's one job they could re open! Then theres the fact that our kitchens are all piling up with containers of recycling...how about a job that will get people out of unemployment, sorting through recycling so we don't have to have 6 separate bins filling up our small kitchen spaces. There are so many jobs that could be done would the government just support it. The government just wants to get people into work, weather they hate the job or not, so as a result, people are working jobs they truly hate, which means we lose quality in products and receive very poor service! Have you noticed how in the last ten years almost everything you buy will break with in a couple of years? Products used to last a lifetime, because more people did what they loved and respected what they made, like an art. Now people are being forced into working conditions that literally depress them for minimum wage, so of course they don't feel any passion for what they are doing and couldn't care less about the quality of their work...so we continue to receive poor, rushed service, and ridiculously rubbish quality products!
The whole issue needs to be looked at from a completely different angle than just ''their lazy get them into work'' as in the end this doesn't help anyone, your tax wont be decreased, your products wont be of better quality, the service you receive wont be to your satisfaction and depression, drugs, alcohol and a zombie like state wont disappear! Whatever happened to careers? Living our dreams? Striving for what we want? Are we really just born to be numbed by the almighty dollar? I personally feel there is allot more to life than money and work. Like living the life you dream and knowing you have lived a life of meaning, rather than being numbed by the government for the satisfaction of tax payers. People need help, teenagers need help, children need help, support, inspiration and love!
Working people are so quick to say unemployed people are just 'lazy' and they get immediately outraged at the thought that they are paying for them to ''sit on their arses and do nothing''. In my opinion there is a route cause for everything. I honestly don't think the thought process for most people is as simple as ''I cant be bothered to work, I will just go on benefits instead''. As most people who do go to the job centre, do at some point end up finding work. So whats the problem? Is it just the fact we don't like seeing our wage packet with a big number swiped off it so instantly find the easiest target to blame it on? I know I hate it, but I feel more angered that my hard earned money is going towards a war I do not support in any way,the thought doesn't even cross my mind that the money has gone straight to the job centre.
If people honestly feel too lazy to work, there has to be a reason! Surely no one enjoys being lazy and feeling like their life isn't good enough to do anything with, because lets face it, with the benefits wage you can't exactly enjoy a good holiday or even afford to buy some decent food! So the problem, surely, has to lye allot deeper than how we see it! The age of the majority of the unemployed ranges from 16-25, and yes most of them probably are just sitting on their ''arses'', smoking pot and doing nothing. But why does this enrage us? I personally don't envy that kind of lifestyle at all, so i have nothing to be annoyed about, I actually just feel sorry for these people that they don't feel they have any direction. And where does that stem from? I personally believe it all starts with the messed up school system, too many kids crammed into one classroom, all losing their mind, being taught things they have no interest in and nothing inspiring that they can feed off, the teachers are under so much pressure its hard for them to show they even care that much! After school the kids are bored, most parents are working full time and their is hardly any family time in this day and age. There is a insane amount of drug abuse among teenagers, because no one is looking, every one is turning a blind eye and not enough is being done to inspire kids, give them direction and make them feel they have anything to work towards. Its one problem to the next. They come out of school, probably already hooked on weed and alcohol, with no inspiration ever been injected into their lives, so they feel hopeless, probably without realising it. The next step... why would they then choose to go into a job they hate, full time for minimum wage, where with their earnings they cant afford to begin their own life. I have grafted my ass off on minimum wage and it was impossible to rent a cheap flat, pay for bills and afford to feed myself! With no direction, inspiration or drive in the first place, why would they then choose to make their lives harder.
The whole system needs to be addressed from the school years on. Drug and alcohol abuse needs to be looked at in a great more detail and young people need to be given a hell of allot more hope and support. They need to feel their life is worth more than doing nothing day in day out.
Then there is the fact that there aren't actually enough jobs out there! And that is fact, weather you like it or not, that's just how it is! There are far too many people squished into this country, you wouldn't know where to begin to help them all find work. Especially as so many jobs have been wiped out. It hit me today when I asked my mum, whose taking a train to luton with many changes and lots of bags, if she will get help carrying all her luggage at the stations, and then I realised there no longer are helpers at the train stations....now that's one job they could re open! Then theres the fact that our kitchens are all piling up with containers of recycling...how about a job that will get people out of unemployment, sorting through recycling so we don't have to have 6 separate bins filling up our small kitchen spaces. There are so many jobs that could be done would the government just support it. The government just wants to get people into work, weather they hate the job or not, so as a result, people are working jobs they truly hate, which means we lose quality in products and receive very poor service! Have you noticed how in the last ten years almost everything you buy will break with in a couple of years? Products used to last a lifetime, because more people did what they loved and respected what they made, like an art. Now people are being forced into working conditions that literally depress them for minimum wage, so of course they don't feel any passion for what they are doing and couldn't care less about the quality of their work...so we continue to receive poor, rushed service, and ridiculously rubbish quality products!
The whole issue needs to be looked at from a completely different angle than just ''their lazy get them into work'' as in the end this doesn't help anyone, your tax wont be decreased, your products wont be of better quality, the service you receive wont be to your satisfaction and depression, drugs, alcohol and a zombie like state wont disappear! Whatever happened to careers? Living our dreams? Striving for what we want? Are we really just born to be numbed by the almighty dollar? I personally feel there is allot more to life than money and work. Like living the life you dream and knowing you have lived a life of meaning, rather than being numbed by the government for the satisfaction of tax payers. People need help, teenagers need help, children need help, support, inspiration and love!
A travellers life.
So many of my friends are such inspiring people, it often leaves me feeling I am not doing enough with my life.
Some people are just people of the world. They hear of a issue in another country and immediatly get focussed on going out to help in what ever way they can. Some people are forever traveling for the simple pleasure of seeing all the delights this planet has to offer us, some people go off to 'find themselves', although this usually just becomes one big long binge drinking session. Others, wish to see the world but feel rather humbled in the life they have at home and rooted for themselves. I feel somewhere caught up in all the above.
I seem to have grounded my self at home and feel pretty content with what i am doing on a day to day basis. But as soon as i hear of some one elses worldly adventures its like a knife in my heart and i feel instantly jealous! I was just looking through a friends photos of her travels in thailand. One picture struck me the most, she's sat outside, in the dark, with her bag on her lap, around her are broken down old worn out buildings and dirty streets, yet she has the biggest smile on her face. I thought to myself ''would i be smiling if i was there, why am i jealous?!''. And then i realised I envy the fact she can be at home ANYWHERE in the world. If i was there, I would probably feel like a alien, lost and scared, with no one i could communicate with easily if i needed any help. When you live a life like that you are totally alone. But for some, that is their biggest comfort, and to a extent I can understand why. To feel ultimate freedom is to be anywhere in the world and really just be there, in that moment. No thoughts of fear or worries or thinking endlessly of friends and family back home and a warm comfortable bed, but just taking whatever life throws at you and doing with it whatever you can, the best you can. That is ultimate freedom, not being chained by memories and thoughts of what you miss, whish you had or where you want to be. Just being truly alive in the moment.
I wish I could be more like that. I have moved around england through out my whole life, me and mum would pack all our things and move to our next destination, ready for a new adventure, new faces and a new life. Its been my own little travelling adventure, although I haven't seen much of the world, I have seen alot of the country i live in, and for this I have truly come to apreciate it.
Some people are just people of the world. They hear of a issue in another country and immediatly get focussed on going out to help in what ever way they can. Some people are forever traveling for the simple pleasure of seeing all the delights this planet has to offer us, some people go off to 'find themselves', although this usually just becomes one big long binge drinking session. Others, wish to see the world but feel rather humbled in the life they have at home and rooted for themselves. I feel somewhere caught up in all the above.
I seem to have grounded my self at home and feel pretty content with what i am doing on a day to day basis. But as soon as i hear of some one elses worldly adventures its like a knife in my heart and i feel instantly jealous! I was just looking through a friends photos of her travels in thailand. One picture struck me the most, she's sat outside, in the dark, with her bag on her lap, around her are broken down old worn out buildings and dirty streets, yet she has the biggest smile on her face. I thought to myself ''would i be smiling if i was there, why am i jealous?!''. And then i realised I envy the fact she can be at home ANYWHERE in the world. If i was there, I would probably feel like a alien, lost and scared, with no one i could communicate with easily if i needed any help. When you live a life like that you are totally alone. But for some, that is their biggest comfort, and to a extent I can understand why. To feel ultimate freedom is to be anywhere in the world and really just be there, in that moment. No thoughts of fear or worries or thinking endlessly of friends and family back home and a warm comfortable bed, but just taking whatever life throws at you and doing with it whatever you can, the best you can. That is ultimate freedom, not being chained by memories and thoughts of what you miss, whish you had or where you want to be. Just being truly alive in the moment.
I wish I could be more like that. I have moved around england through out my whole life, me and mum would pack all our things and move to our next destination, ready for a new adventure, new faces and a new life. Its been my own little travelling adventure, although I haven't seen much of the world, I have seen alot of the country i live in, and for this I have truly come to apreciate it.
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