The people in my life...

..are really bloody fabulous! Since giving up drinking (on a hard core basis) two years ago, I seemed to have prioritised my life. And my god, its just brilliant! I used to think I was in control, only I really wasn't. I was drowning in assholes (apart from a few people) and i just couldnt see it. When I stopped drinking I was amazed at how many people lost interest in our supposed freindship...i just mis spelt that friendshit, and it almost seemed quite appropriate (made me giggle).
For the first few months of staying off the alcahol I lived a pretty lonely life, I was very family orientated and my boyfriend became my best friend. I cleared out the old and made room for the new. It took a while, but slowly I came to realise who my true friends are. And I can honestly count them on one, maybe two hands. It also made me realise, within the circle of friends I had, alcahol was their only true friend and not the people they were drinking with... its really quite sad! Over the last year I have created a group of very close friends, most of them don't know eachother, and it really doesnt bother me. What really matters is my friendship with those people, and they are very special friendships. The people I have around me now in my life are good honest people. friends I can truly be myself with and dont need to get off my face to have a good time. These friends are people I can go to in any times of need, friends I can laugh with, friends I can cry with, friends I can share new exciting experiences with and friends I can just sit with in a calm state, with nothing much going on but content with one anothers company. I now choose carefully the people I want in my life. It seems snobby, but i have learnt from past experiences its the most healthy thing for me to do. I used to be open to all people from all walks of life, and often found myself being used or hurt by people I trusted naively. Not that everyone was like this, as I also met some of the most inspirational people I have known. But by choosing my friends wisely, I now have friends I love to peices and would do just about anything for. I used to do things for people because it felt like the right thing to do, now when I help out a friend i do it because i really want to.
I have different groups of friends. The friends I work with, who you almost spend the entire time chatting to about all your personal problems, but because you only see eachother in a work enviroment, its like you can be completely honest and raw knowing you wont be judging one another wrongly because all you see is all you get. Although its just at work, there's some thing quite special about that. I have friends who live miles and miles away, but I talk to almost on a daily basis, catching up on the latest in eachothers lives and knowing they are just a phonecall away even if its the middle of the night, Plus when I see these friends we spend a entire week soley dedicated to eachothers company...its just gorgeous! I have friends I bump into and end up spending hours with just laughing, chatting and socialising, these are the friends who you think so fondly of, but at the same time you have so much going on in your own little lives its hard to make it a close friendship where you prioritise eachother. But its accepted at both ends, so when you do run into eachother and end up spending a good few hours just nattering away, its really uplifting and you leave with good thoughts and feelings about one another. Then there are friends who you see as much as you can, you know almost every detail about each others lives and whats going on. If you have a upcoming event, these are the friends you invite to join you. The close knit friendships, the ones that almost every body has. The sort of friendships where you know you could be going your seperate ways at any given moment, but in the meantime you do the best to enjoy the time you have together and make the most of it. And then there are the people you meet, the new possible friendships, some you think you will just hit it off with but it never quite happens and it fizzles out, and others you keep running into as if it's fated that a friendship is to be had.
Whatever form the friendship takes, I apreciate them all! As individually they are special and meaningfull to me whatever the circumstances may be.

A true friend is the only relationship you can really count on!

It comes to my attention more and more that when you find yourself chin deep in a tricky situation, your friends are the most important people to have around!
My problem? well, since I have moved around endlessly, my friends seem to be scattered all around the country, sometimes all around the world! I'm currently living out in the sticks. In a tiny village surrounded by the countryside, which don't get me wrong, is beautiful and stunning. But the only ticket out of here is the A38 which runs pretty much right next to my house... and i don't have a driving license!!
So, since I had a pretty heavy Easter weekend all i want around me are my friends, but it almost feels impossible and I find myself cocooning into a self built overly cosy shell. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
Why are friendships so much stronger than the majority of intimate relationships we have in our lives? And when the hell did it come about that we all have so much less time for each other than when we were younger?
When I was 14 and practically attached by the hip to my best friend Kerry, I never thought we would grow up to live miles apart for so many years, and on top hardly ever find the time to see each other. I never actually considered the fact that when you grow up the majority of people work full time... and that sense of freedom you have as a teen is thrown right out the window.
I hate having to arrange lunch dates or nights out weeks ahead, partly because my life changes so much from one day to the next, its hard to be completely reliable, and also I really miss that sense of spontaneity.
But at the end of a hard day, all I want are my close friends. I miss them all so much and wish I could pack them all up in a suitcase and have them live with me. But life just isn't like that. If you have lived in the same town for a very long time, your lucky to be able to see your friends all the time. But if like me you haven't yet found your home, or somewhere to bury your roots, the lack of close friendships being just a few streets away is some thing I deeply miss.
But for now, I am so great full for the incredible friends I do have, who are always just a email and phone call away. And to new friends I am making at this time of my life, who knows what the future holds and where we all end up!