The hot topic between friends, family and myself the last few weeks has been about when do people outside of a relationship over step the line, and as a result its got me thinking how fine the line actually is!
I only know one couple where jealousy isn't a issue at all, but with everyone else i know, it seems to be a recurring problem. Every time me and my boyfriend have a scrap about ''other women'' he always throws the line at me ''YOUR JUST JEALOUS'' and every time it gets my blood boiling! It isn't the fact I am jealous, as to me jealousy defines being envious of someone else, wanting what they have etc. And this is defiantly not the case, I have what i want, why would i be jealous?! When issues are raised about people outside of the relationship, to me it is clear its down to a matter of respect, not jealousy. With all the ladies i have talked to about this matter we have all agreed there is a fine line that should never be crossed by anyone outside of the relationship. But the fine line varies from one person to the next, so how do you know if your over stepping it?
My fine line consists of pretty much one thing.. If another woman does things to rattle the relationship, I.e not thinking whether something they are saying or doing might upset me the girlfriend. This drives me up the wall, simply because it shows a complete lack of respect. Also my blokey is probably one of the friendliest people you could meet, so friendships are easily struck, but i also feel he doesn't hold his guard, so with him failing to put a stop to things that i think are going too far, in comes me, the dragon girlfriend to breathe a fiery flame over what he should be stopping. Other peoples fine lines can be drawn at ''you talk to my boyfriend, your heads in the chopper'' or ''you flirt with my man and your in trouble'' where as some others allow a free reign and don't worry about things like infidelity until it happens, IF it happens. I would so so so much love to be one of those people who just don't worry about anything until it happens. But I cant! I am too aware of the many people out there who are set on ruining relationships, or people who like some one couldn't care less if they are in a relationship already, and I am also too aware of how friendly my boyfriend is, although i trust him wholly, I don't trust certain women... and I am not going to wait for the day some one makes a move on my man only because he has been too slow to stop it before hand and read the warning signs.
When it comes to my friendships with men, I often end up in situations where their girlfriends cant stand the sight of me and want me gone as quick as possible. I can understand their concerns as i have been there too. If you don't look like you have been dragged out of a monkeys ass backwards, well then your a complete and utter threat, no matter how nice and chummy you try to be with the girlfriend.Everything you do, every move you make only makes them more and more angry towards you. In the past when i was naive and wasn't so aware of these things, I would carry on my friendships with these men being completely unaware of how their partners might have felt about it. I laugh allot, I'm friendly, I make obscene and completely inappropriate jokes about pretty much anything you can imagine, and I take care of my friends and am there for them whenever they need me, I turn to them when I am having problems in my little life and i take care of my appearance! Some people in the past have said i flirt too much, I was completely unaware of this as i am just a very friendly natured person. However I learned over time from certain explosive experiences with male friends girlfriends that there was a line i may or may have not been crossing...however I became aware of the line! So ever since, I respect my friends space when they are in relationships, I don't contact them much unless they contact me and basically take a big step back. Whether there is something to worry about or not, it doesn't really matter, we live in a world now where everyone is screwing everyone, and every single person you know has at some point either cheated or been cheated on. Its not completely ob surd to be worried that these things will happen with your partner. So naturally we all take what is being made to feel like the low road, only really all we are doing is protecting our selves from getting deeply deeply hurt. Is that so wrong? Why are women being made to feel like low jealous and crazy bitches when really all we are doing is not letting ourselves be completely trampled on by people who aren't aware of the respect they should have for you as a couple. Of course it would be wonderful if we could live ina world where men and women can be friends with no concerns whatsoever and there was nothing to worry about at all because everyone trusted and respected each other and things like cheating and inappropriate behaviour didn't happen... but we don't, so just deal with it, we are going to continue protecting our cosy bubbles we have spent time, love and effort creating, and if you don't like it, well, I'm sure there are many other respect less people you can hassle instead. I trust my female friends to the end of the earth, the ladies I am so lucky to be friends with, I know I could leave them alone with my man for weeks on end and nothing would happen. If I don't invite you kindly into my life that i share with my boyfriend, there will be a bloody good reason why, and that would be for you to think about... the same goes for all other women who are doing their best to keep their magical and loving relationships alive.
ohh i love this post! it's really good!
ReplyDeleteI agree with.. well everything! :D