I love getting out of a hot bath, squeaky clean, smelling fantastic and freshly shaven legs. What I love even more is after the tub, getting into a clean bed with fresh sheets and having a good roll around like a pig in sty! The feel of the sheets on my shaven legs is just heaven. Its like paradise on your skin...OK I'm starting to sound like im advertising Lady Shave! But I really do love it that much. When it comes to it I am a bit of a girly girl. I love my make up, every day is a fancy dress up day for me and I faff with my hair endlessly. However, sometimes, it does all get the better of me and I find myself thinking ''why can't I just be beautiful without make up, with natural flat lifeless hair and big fat hairy legs''. Some times I just want to let myself go completely so I can learn to feel comfortable with my truly natural self! Don't get me wrong, I don't go to the extent that alot of british ladies do, for example, I have never had hair extentions, I would never use fake tan and I don't keep an eye on my weight...I certainly don't watch what i eat, put any food infront of me and it will probably be gone within five minutes! But I do take care of my appearance, and I enjoy it! I love being playfull with my style and feeling good about myself. I love the feeling of having clean skin and I have a skip in my step if i know im smelling pretty good too. But some times I cant help but wonder ''would my boyfriend fancy me as much if I never shaved my legs? Never wore make up? Never faffed with my hair? Never thought too much about the clothes I wear?''. When Im looking my worst, usually first thing in the morning, the sweetheart that he is.. He tells me he thinks im absaloutly beautiful, I can never help but feel he is lieing, and Im sure i am not the only woman who has this reaction! When did we come to believe that we are looking our best when smothered in make up and pampered head to toe? There has been a few times in my life when I have not been recognised by some one I know when I am au naturel.. for example, three years ago when I was living in a flat above my place of work, My boss came up to ask me if i could cover a shift. I answered the door with a towel wrapped around my hair, completely make up free and wearing a plain and simple nighty. He looked at me confused and asked if he could speak to Marcia...I laughed thinking he was joking, but his facial expression didnt change. ''ITS ME'' I laughed, ''jesus christ is it?!'' he replied. I think I ended up feeling more shocked than him! I couldn't believe my own boss didn't recognise me the moment he saw me free of my daily 'mask'. Then there has been the countless occasions where I'm wearing just slightly less concealer under my eyes than usual, and flooding in come the comments ''my god you look tired'' or ''are you feeling ok today? you look pretty worn out''! Fantastic, so now I must make sure I religiously smother on the concealer in order to not look run down..even though I feel like I could run a marathon! Great! Once I was even told that my hair is my signature look...so, after a night of a little too much brandy, I decided to chop it all off. I gave myself a cute little messy bob which I personally rather liked. The same person who told me my hair was my signature look, nearly had a heart attack when they saw me with my new do. No matter how long they stared, or how much they were fluffing up my hair, they just couldnt bring themselves to like it... ''But your long locks, they were just so beautiful''. Again, Fantastic, I am now only beautiful if my hair is long and wavy! There are endless occasions that arise in a womans life where she is made to feel far more attractive when she has spent a fair bit of time grooming herself.
Then there are the ladies who are so naturally beautiful they can literally roll out of bed and have all the men fall at their feet...ahh how lucky they are! But then again, maybe its just a matter of confidence. In the past when I went out for nights on the town much more frequently, I would spend a hour and a half before hand getting myself all dolled up. I'd step into a bar, club or gig and would find myself getting a fair bit of attention. Not that I'm being big headed or anything, thats just the nature of those kinds of places! But I do wonder how much attention I would actually recieve if I would go out completely make up free. I do have the odd days (probably only once a year) where I feel confident enough to go out with very minimal make up, and on those days, if you're feeling comfortable with it, it's actually really liberating! Smothering yourself in make up is not liberating at all... its more like a cover up for a insecure surface. But, in this day and age, with all the type of ladies in the media, it's hard to feel comfortable with your truly natural self, and its a battle nearly everyone faces in her lifetime in some shape or form. I tend to avoid trashy magazines now whenever possible and I dont watch much television. So really, I am avoiding all the best places for a confidence crash. And I have to say...it has helped me magnificently in gaining a little more confidence in how I look. I've learned to love my mini buddha belly that can arise from too much junk food, I don't pannic If I have gone a few days without shaving and my legs begin to grow a little woodland of their own, and I will happily walk my dog, make up free! My biggest passion is vintage fashion, beauty and style, So I will never completely give up taking care of my appearance, as I just love to play around. But I am slowly learning to feel more happy in my own natural skin, free of the chains of having to be dolled up. After all, you are who you are, people like you for who you are, and if they don't, well not everone likes every person on the planet, and thats just how it is, its the nature of human beings, So you have lost nothing.
F*** YOU!! I'm being patriotic!
I am in no way a football fan. But it's hard to avoid the World Cup, no matter how much you detest football. In all honesty I would rather watch my dog chase a ball than a team of supposedly evolved men. I have to admit, when my blokey watches a game on the telly I cant help but get a little involved, afterall I do like a bit of gaming competition. But what I cant stand is the racial abuse thrown all over the place whenever there is a big match. I raised this issue a few times on facebook, and my god, I have never recieved such a mixed responce! So many people that responded to my comments agreed that whenever there is a world cup extreme racial comments get thrown all over the place and for this they hate the game! Others got annoyed that it was taken so 'personally' and that its all just harmless banter. But I had to disagree, perhaps because I am german, although born and raised in England. I have recieved a lot of stick throughout my life for my race and I am really in quite a interesting postition. Perhaps, because of this, I pick up on all the 'football banter' more than most. I don't take it personally, But I do know when comments are going a little too far, probably from my own experience of what I felt to be racial abuse. It makes no difference to me if the comment is aimed at me or other German people, football fans or not, If banter is thrown about in a negative racial matter then I will find it offensive. I am not talking about the actual team members, more the general public, the fans and the media. During the last world cup four years ago a certain newspaper titled a article about the up coming Germany vs England game ''LETS FIGHT THOSE WAR MACHINES!''... Now what on earth does that mean?! Unless we are still living in the fourties and fighting a war I am completely unaware of, how does that comment have any relevance to Germany and football in this day and age?! It can be easily ignored and seen as harmless, but in Germany they took it very offensively. My uncle wrote to the newspaper saying he found it completely inapropriate, and what do you know, in the next issue of the newspaper they had written a article of apology saying they never meant to offend anyone and take back their comment.
On my facebook status I wrote ''is football just a excuse for people to be racial and excuse it as being patriotic?'' I had such a mixed bag of replies. Alot of people replied saying they hate football purely for how racist people get and how extremely mindless comments get thrown around that are completely racial and offensive. Others said we need to get over it, its just football banter and nothing is meant personally! Well, what I would like to know is, How is it not offensive when two crazed british football fans are shouting racial abuse mixed with comments of football and the war, thrown at two old people driving a car with a German number plate who are simply going about their own business trying to enjoy their holiday?! This is what I witnessed on the day of the Germany vs England game. Along with sick comments all over the internet and racial verbal diaoreah over heard In pubs. Even my boyfriend, who was watching the game in a pub, Overheard fans being a little too offensive for his liking, and I have to say, what a man! He didn't stand for it at all, although he is a football fan through and through, he also has morals and doesnt go out verbally abusing people of another race! Why cant we just enjoy the big game without bringing up Hitler and the war and using any mistakes made in the past as a excuse to totally hammer german people with disgusting remarks and comments. Obviously I am not saying everyone does this, but I was shocked at the incredibly large number of people who were. My mum happened to be over in Germany while the world cup was on, and what she saw was the oposite of what goes on here. In Germany they are treading on egg shells, trying not to step on any ones toes or offend anybody. I am not saying there is no such thing as racism there, as it is around everywhere, but German people don't rant and rave obsceneties towards the british like the british do towards them, they also don't fill their tabloids or anything in the media with innapropriate and offensive comments. The German Priminister even invited our British priminister over to watch the game, make peace and see there is no need for all the racial hatred thrown towards them by british citizeons. So why all this hatred? I really don't understand it! I don't mind a bit of banter, it makes a game all the more fun and competitive, but why take it a step too far and start actually deeply offending people, ruining their holidays and taking the game to a whole new inapropriate level!
I have to say though, I am really greatful for the people who do understand where I am coming from, far more people commented on my facebook status with positive replys in agreement that the game can be taken too far when it comes to the verbal abuse that gets thrown around than people who believe it to be harmless banter. Lets hope we can all see a bit more sence and realise there is just no need to bring up the war, make racist remarks and offensive comments that have nothing to do with the game and that there is just no need to upset a whole nation for the sake of kicking a ball around.
I can go into this a whole lot more, but for now I will leave it here. I enjoy a bit of competition as everyone does, but lets just keep it as a game! Fun and harmless.
On my facebook status I wrote ''is football just a excuse for people to be racial and excuse it as being patriotic?'' I had such a mixed bag of replies. Alot of people replied saying they hate football purely for how racist people get and how extremely mindless comments get thrown around that are completely racial and offensive. Others said we need to get over it, its just football banter and nothing is meant personally! Well, what I would like to know is, How is it not offensive when two crazed british football fans are shouting racial abuse mixed with comments of football and the war, thrown at two old people driving a car with a German number plate who are simply going about their own business trying to enjoy their holiday?! This is what I witnessed on the day of the Germany vs England game. Along with sick comments all over the internet and racial verbal diaoreah over heard In pubs. Even my boyfriend, who was watching the game in a pub, Overheard fans being a little too offensive for his liking, and I have to say, what a man! He didn't stand for it at all, although he is a football fan through and through, he also has morals and doesnt go out verbally abusing people of another race! Why cant we just enjoy the big game without bringing up Hitler and the war and using any mistakes made in the past as a excuse to totally hammer german people with disgusting remarks and comments. Obviously I am not saying everyone does this, but I was shocked at the incredibly large number of people who were. My mum happened to be over in Germany while the world cup was on, and what she saw was the oposite of what goes on here. In Germany they are treading on egg shells, trying not to step on any ones toes or offend anybody. I am not saying there is no such thing as racism there, as it is around everywhere, but German people don't rant and rave obsceneties towards the british like the british do towards them, they also don't fill their tabloids or anything in the media with innapropriate and offensive comments. The German Priminister even invited our British priminister over to watch the game, make peace and see there is no need for all the racial hatred thrown towards them by british citizeons. So why all this hatred? I really don't understand it! I don't mind a bit of banter, it makes a game all the more fun and competitive, but why take it a step too far and start actually deeply offending people, ruining their holidays and taking the game to a whole new inapropriate level!
I have to say though, I am really greatful for the people who do understand where I am coming from, far more people commented on my facebook status with positive replys in agreement that the game can be taken too far when it comes to the verbal abuse that gets thrown around than people who believe it to be harmless banter. Lets hope we can all see a bit more sence and realise there is just no need to bring up the war, make racist remarks and offensive comments that have nothing to do with the game and that there is just no need to upset a whole nation for the sake of kicking a ball around.
I can go into this a whole lot more, but for now I will leave it here. I enjoy a bit of competition as everyone does, but lets just keep it as a game! Fun and harmless.
Dear Diary...
Online blogging is like a great way of keeping a personal diary, only everyone can read it! I remember being little and religiously keeping a personal diary. Then when I was around 9 years old, I got bored of writing to myself day in day out. So on the corner of each page I drew a ink stain, gave it a pair of eyes and called it splodge, My new seceret diary friend had been invented... from then on dear diary turned to dear splodge, Untill i turned 13 and realised writing to ink stain was some what immature!
I have had one of those days today that has made me feel like writing a diary, Only i dont keep them anymore, due to the fact that when i grew into my late teens i decided actually having a life was far more exciting than writing what i ate that day on a peice of paper in a secret book! so, earlier today I ventured into a near by town with my mum, only to collapse the moment i stepped out of the car...A harsh reminder, after months of what felt like a slow recovery, that I am infact very much still under the curse of having M.E and P.O.T.S (yes haha, I am not stoned all the time, its a medical condition called postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome). My mum rushed me to the doctors and it took me about two hours untill i wasnt completely shaking anymore and could just about stand up and walk a couple of metres. It's made me realise, how desperately I am always trying to have a normal life, and then just when i think I am achieving that, I have some kind of downfall as a harsh reminder I am still very much battleing with a illness. I am greatful it isnt life threatening, but my god it does make life alot harder! Due to my little incident today I missed a crucial hospital appointment that I have been waiting for for months! Still not the end of the world, As i can rebook it and wait another 6 months. It dawned on me while at the GP how little help I have actually recieved since being ill and how my life could be made alot easier with some simple mobility assistance. For the first time I thought about getting myself a wheelchair, for the days, like today, where I can hardly walk a few metres without collapsing. After all, If I had a wheelchair, or some form of mobility help, I would have been able to make it to my hospital appointment, I would also have then been able to get myself some food, as the cupboards are bare and my tummy is endlessly rumbleing! It would be a fantastic alternative to lying in bed day in day out untill I feel liek i can actually get up and go to the toilet without passing out! At the same time it seems like a crazy idea. I have always been a healthy fit young lady. I used to have endless energy and many ideas for living a crazy life. My god, how life can change! I am always trying to run away from the fact that I am not that person anymore, and almost fool myself into believing it would still be possible for me to go travelling on my own and work 5 full days a week. The reality is, its not! I cant even touch alcahol, caffeine or any other form of stimulant as it instantly gets my symptoms raging! I get up every morning, put on my make up and my fancy clothes and i fool everyone into believing i am a healthy young woman! My family and boyfriend are the only people who see the states I actually end up in. Collapsing randomly, make up all over my face to the point I look like a panda who has been punched repeatedly, shaking and weeping trying to keep my shit together and then after a few hours falling into a heap ready to completely zonk out for a few hours after a exausting time trying to not faint!
When I got home after my little ordeal I realised how reluctent the doctors are to help, as they know hardly anything about my illness, and how there is no one and no where to turn to for the exact help i need. I also realised I have never met anyone with p.o.t.s and probably never will unless i go out deliberatly looking for them. Its such a rare illness, you just don't know where to turn. No one understands it and the chances are you yourself, the one suffering with it, won't even understand it either due to such little medical knowledge. It really is frustrating. So, it got me thinking, its time to get the camera out and start making some mini home documentries about living with M.E and P.O.T.S. posting it on the net in order to find people who are having the same problems and not knowing where to turn. Building a online comunity where everyone who suffers with m.e and p.o.t.s can go and turn to others in the same situation for help and advice! Maybe we can trade holistic approaches, home help remedies, and any other ideas tried and tested, information thats like gold among us suffering with this rare condition. Its a idea, and soon it will be in progress.
I have had one of those days today that has made me feel like writing a diary, Only i dont keep them anymore, due to the fact that when i grew into my late teens i decided actually having a life was far more exciting than writing what i ate that day on a peice of paper in a secret book! so, earlier today I ventured into a near by town with my mum, only to collapse the moment i stepped out of the car...A harsh reminder, after months of what felt like a slow recovery, that I am infact very much still under the curse of having M.E and P.O.T.S (yes haha, I am not stoned all the time, its a medical condition called postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome). My mum rushed me to the doctors and it took me about two hours untill i wasnt completely shaking anymore and could just about stand up and walk a couple of metres. It's made me realise, how desperately I am always trying to have a normal life, and then just when i think I am achieving that, I have some kind of downfall as a harsh reminder I am still very much battleing with a illness. I am greatful it isnt life threatening, but my god it does make life alot harder! Due to my little incident today I missed a crucial hospital appointment that I have been waiting for for months! Still not the end of the world, As i can rebook it and wait another 6 months. It dawned on me while at the GP how little help I have actually recieved since being ill and how my life could be made alot easier with some simple mobility assistance. For the first time I thought about getting myself a wheelchair, for the days, like today, where I can hardly walk a few metres without collapsing. After all, If I had a wheelchair, or some form of mobility help, I would have been able to make it to my hospital appointment, I would also have then been able to get myself some food, as the cupboards are bare and my tummy is endlessly rumbleing! It would be a fantastic alternative to lying in bed day in day out untill I feel liek i can actually get up and go to the toilet without passing out! At the same time it seems like a crazy idea. I have always been a healthy fit young lady. I used to have endless energy and many ideas for living a crazy life. My god, how life can change! I am always trying to run away from the fact that I am not that person anymore, and almost fool myself into believing it would still be possible for me to go travelling on my own and work 5 full days a week. The reality is, its not! I cant even touch alcahol, caffeine or any other form of stimulant as it instantly gets my symptoms raging! I get up every morning, put on my make up and my fancy clothes and i fool everyone into believing i am a healthy young woman! My family and boyfriend are the only people who see the states I actually end up in. Collapsing randomly, make up all over my face to the point I look like a panda who has been punched repeatedly, shaking and weeping trying to keep my shit together and then after a few hours falling into a heap ready to completely zonk out for a few hours after a exausting time trying to not faint!
When I got home after my little ordeal I realised how reluctent the doctors are to help, as they know hardly anything about my illness, and how there is no one and no where to turn to for the exact help i need. I also realised I have never met anyone with p.o.t.s and probably never will unless i go out deliberatly looking for them. Its such a rare illness, you just don't know where to turn. No one understands it and the chances are you yourself, the one suffering with it, won't even understand it either due to such little medical knowledge. It really is frustrating. So, it got me thinking, its time to get the camera out and start making some mini home documentries about living with M.E and P.O.T.S. posting it on the net in order to find people who are having the same problems and not knowing where to turn. Building a online comunity where everyone who suffers with m.e and p.o.t.s can go and turn to others in the same situation for help and advice! Maybe we can trade holistic approaches, home help remedies, and any other ideas tried and tested, information thats like gold among us suffering with this rare condition. Its a idea, and soon it will be in progress.
My Poppy Puppy
I have a dog..and I tend to go on about it! So I thought I would get it all out of my system and blog about it, Its really just another excuse to talk about her some where else in cyber world! I also can't imagine any one would get even 1% the amount of enjoyment reading this that I do from yapping on about her. Yep, I said Yapping!
You can probably already tell she is a pretty big part of my life and I love her as if she were my child. It's worrying I know, but only other dog owners can understand and appreciate how special it really is to have such a creature comfort in your life...and just as i am typing this she has some how managed to rewind my dvd for me, amazing!
I would start this by telling you where my love for dogs began, only thats impossible, as the truth is I actually always hated them! Yes its true, I was a big wimp when it came to dogs! I was bought up with the biggest softie golden retriever, she never barked or jumped up at people unless commanded to do so. There for, if another dog came bounding up to me or would bark I literally thought it was about to tare me to peices and eat me alive, I realise now all they are really doing is saying hello, in a weird up beat very hyper, bubbly sort of way! If I saw a dog coming towards me, even on a lead, I would have to cross the road and get myself together after experiencing a near pannic attack almost every time! So you're probably wondering why the hell I got myself a dog... the reason is actually a little pathetic although slightly endearing at the same time. For a few months I found myself thinking alot about the golden retriever I was bought up with, I missed her and would find myself waking up having dreamt about her and reminising over past times when she was still alive. It made me think ''will I ever not be afraid of dogs?!''. I then ended up one winter afternoon, watching Lady and the Tramp, one of my all time favourite childhood movies. Lady was my dream dog, if only I could not be so afraid of them. Then one afternoon I was on a bus and a blind man came on board with his guide dog. I couldnt stop watching how amazingly perfect the relationship was between them. How the dog was his key to the outside world, giving him access to get about and do what he needed. This dog was giving this man his freedom in a otherwise terrifying world, with or without a dog, blind or not! It made me think, what the hell would I do if i turned blind and had to get a dog to help me...I wouldnt be able to go near the thing out of fear! I then built up a entire story in my head, which I am not going to tell as I am actually turning this story into a book ;) Then one spring day I was walking through the park and saw two cavaliers, cassie and ziggy, they looked the spitting image of lady! I gasped with excitement and ran over to the owner asking all about the dogs, I had never seen one in real life before, well, not that i had been aware of! The dogs came over to greet me all excitedly, I instantly filled up with fear! The owner reasured me they are the friendliest dogs you could ever meet, and I didnt doubt it, they were just adorbale and had the most loving nature! For the first time in my life I sat down comfortably and played and cuddled with these dogs! I couldnt believe it, I had just made friends with two stranger dogs! I wont home with a skip in my step and couldnt wait to tell everyone about my amazing little experience. For weeks I couldnt get these gorgeous cavaliers out of my head, I just had to have one! The only way i can describe how much I felt i needed one was that of a similar feeling to what a mother feels when she knows its her time to have a baby. A little extreme I know, But its the only way i can describe the need i felt to have a dog and that it wasnt like wanting your favourite toy when your a kid, its so much more of a bigger responsibilty. I knew I couldnt take it lightly, especially with being diagnosed with m.e and p.o.t.s syndrome, most people would think it would be the craziest thing I could do, and thats exactly what they thought when, after lots of research and finding breeders, I announced it to everyone that I was getting myself a king charles cavalier! Through my research I discovered they can have absaloutly dibilitating and life threatening health defects if you havent got them from a very responsible breeder. So I met with various breeders untill I found one i felt completely satisfied with.
Then came the best day ever. The day my boyfriend drove me to Bristol to pick up a possible pup! We had been warned she was the runt, and if i didnt like her they wouldnt put me under any pressure to have her! We arrived, walked through the door, and were covered with about 8 cavaliers all jumping and bounding at us, and it was liek they didnt exist, the first thing I saw was a gorgeous, very white (apparently badly marked) tiny little girl pup sitting in the corner of the room by her self, slightly wagging her tail, but knowing she didnt stand a chance for attention with all the other over excited dogs making sure they got all the attention first. I gasped with excitement, looked at my boyfriend and squeeled ''thats her thats her'' I went straight over to cuddle her ignoring all the other over excited pups and dogs. Instantly we built a bond, The owner looked at us, smiled and said ''aw your clearly made for eachother''. Ever since she has told me she couldnt of found a better home for her little runt, and it warms my heart every time. I took her home and she instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Since, there hasnt been one day that I have regreted having her, wether I have been completely ill or not, she brightens every day in my life. I used to suffer extreme insomnia...that went away from the first night my little poppy puppy stayed with me. Yes, she sleeps on my bed! How could I resist her little wimpering cries on the first night I had her! My m.e and P.O.T.S have greatly improved since having her also, and on days where i am completely bed ridden from illness she is the most patient and loving friend. These days come rarely now, but if she knows I am ill, she will just lie by my side all day and nigth without giving me one bit of hassle, just love and affection instead. Im not afraid of any dogs anymore, I know the ones to avoid, and all others i play with them without a moments hesitation. Its amazing how a furry friend can brighten up your life. Every good dog owner will understand how truly special it is, the bond between man and dog. Its so unique and really incredible and should be really apreciated. I know I do :)
You can probably already tell she is a pretty big part of my life and I love her as if she were my child. It's worrying I know, but only other dog owners can understand and appreciate how special it really is to have such a creature comfort in your life...and just as i am typing this she has some how managed to rewind my dvd for me, amazing!
I would start this by telling you where my love for dogs began, only thats impossible, as the truth is I actually always hated them! Yes its true, I was a big wimp when it came to dogs! I was bought up with the biggest softie golden retriever, she never barked or jumped up at people unless commanded to do so. There for, if another dog came bounding up to me or would bark I literally thought it was about to tare me to peices and eat me alive, I realise now all they are really doing is saying hello, in a weird up beat very hyper, bubbly sort of way! If I saw a dog coming towards me, even on a lead, I would have to cross the road and get myself together after experiencing a near pannic attack almost every time! So you're probably wondering why the hell I got myself a dog... the reason is actually a little pathetic although slightly endearing at the same time. For a few months I found myself thinking alot about the golden retriever I was bought up with, I missed her and would find myself waking up having dreamt about her and reminising over past times when she was still alive. It made me think ''will I ever not be afraid of dogs?!''. I then ended up one winter afternoon, watching Lady and the Tramp, one of my all time favourite childhood movies. Lady was my dream dog, if only I could not be so afraid of them. Then one afternoon I was on a bus and a blind man came on board with his guide dog. I couldnt stop watching how amazingly perfect the relationship was between them. How the dog was his key to the outside world, giving him access to get about and do what he needed. This dog was giving this man his freedom in a otherwise terrifying world, with or without a dog, blind or not! It made me think, what the hell would I do if i turned blind and had to get a dog to help me...I wouldnt be able to go near the thing out of fear! I then built up a entire story in my head, which I am not going to tell as I am actually turning this story into a book ;) Then one spring day I was walking through the park and saw two cavaliers, cassie and ziggy, they looked the spitting image of lady! I gasped with excitement and ran over to the owner asking all about the dogs, I had never seen one in real life before, well, not that i had been aware of! The dogs came over to greet me all excitedly, I instantly filled up with fear! The owner reasured me they are the friendliest dogs you could ever meet, and I didnt doubt it, they were just adorbale and had the most loving nature! For the first time in my life I sat down comfortably and played and cuddled with these dogs! I couldnt believe it, I had just made friends with two stranger dogs! I wont home with a skip in my step and couldnt wait to tell everyone about my amazing little experience. For weeks I couldnt get these gorgeous cavaliers out of my head, I just had to have one! The only way i can describe how much I felt i needed one was that of a similar feeling to what a mother feels when she knows its her time to have a baby. A little extreme I know, But its the only way i can describe the need i felt to have a dog and that it wasnt like wanting your favourite toy when your a kid, its so much more of a bigger responsibilty. I knew I couldnt take it lightly, especially with being diagnosed with m.e and p.o.t.s syndrome, most people would think it would be the craziest thing I could do, and thats exactly what they thought when, after lots of research and finding breeders, I announced it to everyone that I was getting myself a king charles cavalier! Through my research I discovered they can have absaloutly dibilitating and life threatening health defects if you havent got them from a very responsible breeder. So I met with various breeders untill I found one i felt completely satisfied with.
Then came the best day ever. The day my boyfriend drove me to Bristol to pick up a possible pup! We had been warned she was the runt, and if i didnt like her they wouldnt put me under any pressure to have her! We arrived, walked through the door, and were covered with about 8 cavaliers all jumping and bounding at us, and it was liek they didnt exist, the first thing I saw was a gorgeous, very white (apparently badly marked) tiny little girl pup sitting in the corner of the room by her self, slightly wagging her tail, but knowing she didnt stand a chance for attention with all the other over excited dogs making sure they got all the attention first. I gasped with excitement, looked at my boyfriend and squeeled ''thats her thats her'' I went straight over to cuddle her ignoring all the other over excited pups and dogs. Instantly we built a bond, The owner looked at us, smiled and said ''aw your clearly made for eachother''. Ever since she has told me she couldnt of found a better home for her little runt, and it warms my heart every time. I took her home and she instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Since, there hasnt been one day that I have regreted having her, wether I have been completely ill or not, she brightens every day in my life. I used to suffer extreme insomnia...that went away from the first night my little poppy puppy stayed with me. Yes, she sleeps on my bed! How could I resist her little wimpering cries on the first night I had her! My m.e and P.O.T.S have greatly improved since having her also, and on days where i am completely bed ridden from illness she is the most patient and loving friend. These days come rarely now, but if she knows I am ill, she will just lie by my side all day and nigth without giving me one bit of hassle, just love and affection instead. Im not afraid of any dogs anymore, I know the ones to avoid, and all others i play with them without a moments hesitation. Its amazing how a furry friend can brighten up your life. Every good dog owner will understand how truly special it is, the bond between man and dog. Its so unique and really incredible and should be really apreciated. I know I do :)
I think I found a cure...for the 3 year itch!
...and it comes in the form of Ashburton, the town I live in! Yes, I never thought I would say it, after all these years of moaning about wanting to move on every three years, moving around endlessly. I think I may have possibly found my home...for now anyway! I especially never thought I would consider Ashburton, of all places, as a possible home! For two years I have been moaning about feeling chlostrophobic and wanting to get out of here, but not really knowing where I want to go to. Ashburton is also the sort of place, if any one knows it, it gets instantly knocked as being a granny town and a very boring place to be! True, for two years I had that view too! But since christmas (we're now in summer) I have found some hidden treasures in this town and I have slowly developed a little love affair for it. I grew very sick of Totnes (where i previously lived) for all its high and mighty locals, people thinking they are so special and desperately trying to claim they are unique...when your living in a town full of people who think they are gods gift, its starts to feel like every one is a clone, and not very unique at all! This town however, has some really amazing people who slowly come out of the woodwork, one by one you meet people who are really creative and just doing it for themselves, maybe making a bit of extra pocket money from it too. Real genuine people, who value life and the simplicity of living in such a beautiful area. Up the road on the A38 is Exeter if i feel i need my big town fix, down the road the other way is family and friends, and where I am is a simple town, surrounded by countryside, filled with inspirational people who do exciting little projetcs for their comunity. I can go for walks and be right out in nature, just me and my dog. I have every thing I need. I just have to open my eyes to see the beauty of it. And I think I am beginning to wake up and really apreciate what I have!
A chav is a hippy, a hippy is a chav!
I grew up being bullied by what we now call ''chavs''. They effectively made the majority of my child hood a living hell! So, as a result, I left school early in order to live my life free of daily abuse. From the age 10 - 18 I hated chavs to the core. If they ever came up in converstation I would become heated and passionately express my feelings about them. I felt like I wanted the whole world to know just how low a scum they are. When I was 19 I moved to Totnes, Devon. Totnes being famously known for its hippy vibe and alternative culture. I was surrounded by chav haters... I felt like I had entered heaven! It wasn't long before I began working with the ultimate chav! From the start we were at eachothers throats at any given chance. Untill one day she made a joke, I laughed, made a joke back and she laughed... strangely, from that moment on, we became friends! She also became the first person I told my deepest darkest secerets to, and so did she in return. We had built a peculiar bond. We couldnt have been more different and opposite to eachother, yet we would confide in eachother and make obscene jokes. She would look out for me if I got any unwanted male attention, she cooked me meals and I looked after her son. We got high together and laughed our heads off untill we were blue in the face. We went to parties and met a whole variety of intersting people. For a while we were pretty inseprable! I had my ''hippy'' friends, and through her I met more chavvy type people, who, alot of them, believe it or not, were just as nice as my soft and squidgy slightly dippy hippy buddies. Although, again, complete oposites!
Because of her, and the people I met through her, my gaurds had come down when it came to chav like people. I learned not to judge them and I also learned a whole lot about them and why they come across, and often are, such terrors in our society. When you look at many of their backgrounds, its actually not that surprising. The amount of mothers I met who were careless and couldnt string two sentences together without using the word 'FUCK' at least 5 times, it opened my eyes and made me realise these kids had just been dragged up as aposed to being bought up! No wonder they're so pissed off! The whole town couldnt believe I was running around with these new found friends. People would approach me and ask why I was hanging around with them ''your so different'' they would say ''you deserve better friends than that, it doesn't make any sence'' and I couldnt help but feel completely offended. I new this girl inside out, I knew all her troubles in life and experiences that were so horrific they had shaped her into who she is today, a pretty loud mouthed, unaproachable angry person who doesnt know where to turn for help, and probably isn't even aware she might need help! My heart sank when I would hear her troubled stories and for some one to instantly knock her down would really put a dent in me.
A few years on we parted as friends, went our seperate ways and lost touch. What amazed me even more than all the above was the amount of times people would say to me ''thank god your not friends with her anymore, it didnt suit you, you can do much better'' these people being supposed hippies...hippies being defined as loving natured people, who stand for a open mind and positive changes in society. Well it quickly came to my attention that chavs are a nightmare for society and individuals who can get caught up in them in the wrong way, and the modern day hippy is just a image for people who have probably, at some point in life, been bullied themselves, only through life they carry with them a anger towards certain types of people and certainly dont have a open mind beyond anything alternative! They find sanctury in the modern hippy culture but with it create a very closed minded approach to anything out side of their circle! I am forever hearing ''hippies'' putting down chavs, chavs put down hippies too...so your equals, get over it, move on, and start accepting people as individuals and stop defining every one by the outer image they choose to create for them selves!
I have been bought up by very alternative parents and in a real hippy like enviroment, I went to ferstivals almost every year throughout my childhood and got to hang out with alot of crazy hippies in my life. So some could say I'm a hippy, but I personally dont think that highly the modern day hippy as i find most of them to be just as judge mental as chavs. The 60s got it right when it came to the alternative scene! I am most certainly not a chav and probably couldn't be further from it. I dont talk like one, dress like one, live like one or act like one. But this little experience sums it up for me...
When I first hung out with my friend and got introduced to alot of other 'chavs' they would instantly blow up in my face and say things like ''err you fucking hippy'' etc and I just wouldn't take it, Id laugh at them and say ''yeh, whats wrong with that?'' usually, they wouldn't have much of a responce to come back at me with, so i figured their little comment was really quite meaningless and they don't actually know what they are talking about, so we would go on to talk about some thing else. Others would answer my question with ''well you don't wash, hippies don't wash'' and I would reply ''well I can assure you I have a bath every single night, and if i dont its just because iv been too busy partying! I don't think you actually know what a hippy is do you?'' They would think about it for a second, quickly forget it and move onto some thing else. Either way, most of them would say a comment to start with but quickly move on from it, I would force conversation upon them and they would realise pretty quickly we could get along. We would have a laugh and quite often have some pretty intense conversations about their view on things. Either way, if you gave them a chance, they would quickly forget what you look like and just get on with things! Then one day, I approached a 'hippy' for a lighter, I was dressed in heels (I fancied tarting myself up for the day) had a vintage mini dress on and lots of 60s make up...now back in the 60s I probably would have made a instant friend with this hippy, but with the modern day version thats not quite the way it goes, he looked me up and down rolled his eyes and gave me a lighter! The friends he was sat with were throwing me funny looks, I felt so awkward, I tried to make conversation about their dog (as my pup was attempting to play with it but getting the same shut off reaction as me!!) and they just ignored everything I was saying. So I politely thanked them and walked off! A few weeks later I saw the same group of people, this time i was in my much more hippy festival get up...I thought they would remember me from before so as I walked past I said hello, they all waved or said hello back, my dog started sniffing their dog and I got stuck again 'shit' I thought 'here comes the awkward conversation attempt' only I didnt have to, they were all bombarding me with conversation ''what breed is your dog? she's gorgeous'' weird i thought, I had told them about my dog before! They offered me some of their whiskey, ''are you on holiday'' they asked... again 'weird' I started thinking, surely they would know Im not on holiday as they saw me a few weeks ago, if they don't remember me they would remember my insanely cute puppy! So i said ''no, dont you remember I met you before, asked for a lighter'' they all looked at me confused, The guy suddenly sparked up ''oh shit, that was you?!! god you look so different!''...what a odd responce! I learned from that experience, If i looked like a hippy i was warmly welcomed into their circle, If I looked like a tart they couldnt give me the time of day! Chavs however...just seem to hate everyone! They hate eachother, they often fuck eachother over, and they hate hippies, business men, teachers, grannies, their parents...everyone! Usually because, when you look a little beyond the surface, its because they have a pretty good reason for ending up like they have!
Now I choose my friends wisely. I tend to not have a group of friends so much as lots of individual gorgeous big hearted friends. When I had a group of chav friends, there was too much chaos and back stabbing, when I had a group of hippy friends, there was too much ego going on, which led me to think no one was really being themselves and people were quietly backstabbing eachother also, just over time and not quite so obviously as with chavs! Its all part of growing up and learning. I dont judge people instantly by their cover anymore, unless the moment i meet them they are being a complete asshole of course! I like getting to know people individually, and for that I have some of the most individual, special and amazing friends I can trust wholly and completely!
Because of her, and the people I met through her, my gaurds had come down when it came to chav like people. I learned not to judge them and I also learned a whole lot about them and why they come across, and often are, such terrors in our society. When you look at many of their backgrounds, its actually not that surprising. The amount of mothers I met who were careless and couldnt string two sentences together without using the word 'FUCK' at least 5 times, it opened my eyes and made me realise these kids had just been dragged up as aposed to being bought up! No wonder they're so pissed off! The whole town couldnt believe I was running around with these new found friends. People would approach me and ask why I was hanging around with them ''your so different'' they would say ''you deserve better friends than that, it doesn't make any sence'' and I couldnt help but feel completely offended. I new this girl inside out, I knew all her troubles in life and experiences that were so horrific they had shaped her into who she is today, a pretty loud mouthed, unaproachable angry person who doesnt know where to turn for help, and probably isn't even aware she might need help! My heart sank when I would hear her troubled stories and for some one to instantly knock her down would really put a dent in me.
A few years on we parted as friends, went our seperate ways and lost touch. What amazed me even more than all the above was the amount of times people would say to me ''thank god your not friends with her anymore, it didnt suit you, you can do much better'' these people being supposed hippies...hippies being defined as loving natured people, who stand for a open mind and positive changes in society. Well it quickly came to my attention that chavs are a nightmare for society and individuals who can get caught up in them in the wrong way, and the modern day hippy is just a image for people who have probably, at some point in life, been bullied themselves, only through life they carry with them a anger towards certain types of people and certainly dont have a open mind beyond anything alternative! They find sanctury in the modern hippy culture but with it create a very closed minded approach to anything out side of their circle! I am forever hearing ''hippies'' putting down chavs, chavs put down hippies too...so your equals, get over it, move on, and start accepting people as individuals and stop defining every one by the outer image they choose to create for them selves!
I have been bought up by very alternative parents and in a real hippy like enviroment, I went to ferstivals almost every year throughout my childhood and got to hang out with alot of crazy hippies in my life. So some could say I'm a hippy, but I personally dont think that highly the modern day hippy as i find most of them to be just as judge mental as chavs. The 60s got it right when it came to the alternative scene! I am most certainly not a chav and probably couldn't be further from it. I dont talk like one, dress like one, live like one or act like one. But this little experience sums it up for me...
When I first hung out with my friend and got introduced to alot of other 'chavs' they would instantly blow up in my face and say things like ''err you fucking hippy'' etc and I just wouldn't take it, Id laugh at them and say ''yeh, whats wrong with that?'' usually, they wouldn't have much of a responce to come back at me with, so i figured their little comment was really quite meaningless and they don't actually know what they are talking about, so we would go on to talk about some thing else. Others would answer my question with ''well you don't wash, hippies don't wash'' and I would reply ''well I can assure you I have a bath every single night, and if i dont its just because iv been too busy partying! I don't think you actually know what a hippy is do you?'' They would think about it for a second, quickly forget it and move onto some thing else. Either way, most of them would say a comment to start with but quickly move on from it, I would force conversation upon them and they would realise pretty quickly we could get along. We would have a laugh and quite often have some pretty intense conversations about their view on things. Either way, if you gave them a chance, they would quickly forget what you look like and just get on with things! Then one day, I approached a 'hippy' for a lighter, I was dressed in heels (I fancied tarting myself up for the day) had a vintage mini dress on and lots of 60s make up...now back in the 60s I probably would have made a instant friend with this hippy, but with the modern day version thats not quite the way it goes, he looked me up and down rolled his eyes and gave me a lighter! The friends he was sat with were throwing me funny looks, I felt so awkward, I tried to make conversation about their dog (as my pup was attempting to play with it but getting the same shut off reaction as me!!) and they just ignored everything I was saying. So I politely thanked them and walked off! A few weeks later I saw the same group of people, this time i was in my much more hippy festival get up...I thought they would remember me from before so as I walked past I said hello, they all waved or said hello back, my dog started sniffing their dog and I got stuck again 'shit' I thought 'here comes the awkward conversation attempt' only I didnt have to, they were all bombarding me with conversation ''what breed is your dog? she's gorgeous'' weird i thought, I had told them about my dog before! They offered me some of their whiskey, ''are you on holiday'' they asked... again 'weird' I started thinking, surely they would know Im not on holiday as they saw me a few weeks ago, if they don't remember me they would remember my insanely cute puppy! So i said ''no, dont you remember I met you before, asked for a lighter'' they all looked at me confused, The guy suddenly sparked up ''oh shit, that was you?!! god you look so different!''...what a odd responce! I learned from that experience, If i looked like a hippy i was warmly welcomed into their circle, If I looked like a tart they couldnt give me the time of day! Chavs however...just seem to hate everyone! They hate eachother, they often fuck eachother over, and they hate hippies, business men, teachers, grannies, their parents...everyone! Usually because, when you look a little beyond the surface, its because they have a pretty good reason for ending up like they have!
Now I choose my friends wisely. I tend to not have a group of friends so much as lots of individual gorgeous big hearted friends. When I had a group of chav friends, there was too much chaos and back stabbing, when I had a group of hippy friends, there was too much ego going on, which led me to think no one was really being themselves and people were quietly backstabbing eachother also, just over time and not quite so obviously as with chavs! Its all part of growing up and learning. I dont judge people instantly by their cover anymore, unless the moment i meet them they are being a complete asshole of course! I like getting to know people individually, and for that I have some of the most individual, special and amazing friends I can trust wholly and completely!
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