Marcis Bulletin

I HAVE A NEW BLOG AT WORDPRESS...

2010-09-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

HEY EVERYONE

I WON'T BE POSTING ON HERE ANY LONGER.

PLEASE FOLLOW MY NEW BLOG AT: www.marciawaldstadt.wordpress.com

THANKS FOR FOLLOWING, THERE WILL BE LOADS OF GREAT NEW DELIGHTS AT THE NEW ADDRESS!

LOVE TO ALL

MARCIA X

The nights are coming in!

2010-09-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

Its starting to feel official, summer might just be over! If not now, well then its just around the corner! Twenty past eight and the skies turn to a dark shade of blue. The glistening stars come out to twinkle above us.
I sit snug in bed, poppy curled up by my side, a movie making a slight comforting noise in the background and my laptop on my lap! I think back to the summer of 2010! I feel like I haven't had a summer at all. The winters always feel endless but the summers seem to slip away so quickly I hardly get the chance to put on my gorgeous holiday outfits! That said, I always find things to appreciate about every season. So this is my summer season blog post and here are the reasons I loved summer this year:

There is nothing quite like having your skin bare to the fresh air and glowing sun. Beautiful outfits in miniature form so to feel the slight chance of a breeze on your skin as it cools you in the beautiful light of a summers day! The light is outstanding. Summer evenings are my favourite times of the whole year. The light turns to a warm orange glow and everything looks peace full, warm and relaxed! The air cools and I come alive for the first time in the day. I venture out with my pup and appreciate all the natural beauty around me. The world really can be just perfect!
The birds that sing, the children that play, the dogs that throw themselves in the nearest pool of water, the laughter, the bustle of people venturing out semi naked, the life that dances under the summer sun! It's so beautiful, you just don't want it to end. As the first butterflies come out to display their beautiful newly formed wings and the birds that perch on the rooftops singing their songs of joy, we all come alive! We crawl out of our previous winter in hibernation with smiles upon our faces ready for the adventures of the summer ahead. It's bliss full.
After a day in the golden rays of the sun, I go home. My face red and glowing, a steady and satisfied pace as i walk to the front door, dog lead in one hand, blanket in the other and a bag hanging from my shoulder with my life inside it. I release poppy from her corset like leash and we throw ourselves on to my cool fresh bed. lieing their snuggled and happy with our day of fun. A long walk on the moors leaves my feet aching. I stretch out my legs and feel my bones crack and muscles tense then relax. aahh! relax. Summer is a time where you earn those calm moments.
A crispy leaf salad for dinner with newly discovered toasted goats cheese and beetroot. A meal from a friend. whose other offerings include barbeque's in the unexpected rain, adventures to the Cornish sea and hours conversing.
New friends are made in the summer. I made quite a few this year. When the sun is shining we are like ants through a magnifying glass, as we run around the world, travelling and exploring, bumping into each other along the way and making new friendships. Old friends are not forgotten, as their is always time to spare in the summer to make those trips for special friends. My all time best friend and soul sister made her journey down to me this year. It was the highlight of my year. When she was here it was perfection, when she left I felt saddened but carried with me through the rest of the summer days, the greatness we shared while I was privileged to have her company around me.
My family are always close, but in the summer its just another excuse to spend even more time together. With the fresh bud of life that is my niece, the day trips are twice the fun! As we watch her blossom and grow, learning new things and endless moments where she brings laughter and smiles to our faces. New places to visit, and old places to revisit that have become our favourites.
Moments captured on film with my boyfriend. Times have been tough, but we have been through the storm and now stand together, hand in hand in the warming summer glow. Driving around in his car, music on, feet up on the dashboard and the wind that blows through the open windows that makes my hair dance and my heart flutter as I see his smiling face looking into my eyes.

Now I prepare for the leaves that are soon to turn from a shade of green to a glowing orange. The sludging mud beneath my feet after nights of rain. the slugs and frogs that emerge ready for their season of joy! The chimneys that smoke as a sign to us all ''autumn is here, be warm, be still!''. It will soon be time for sheep's to grow their winter coats and for the people to be warmed by their Woolly jumpers!

In memory of September the 11th

2010-09-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

9/11. It happened once. 9 years ago two planes crashed into the twin towers in New York. Do you remember when this happened? Of course you do! How can you forget. You probably remember the day exactly, where you were and what you were doing the moment you found out the shocking news.
Every year since you can count on watching horrifying footage of the tragic event unfolding before your very eyes. The 11th of september has rightly become another day of commemoration just like D-day and . But, can you imagine a time where there were no videos, no cameras, nothing to capture such heart breaking events that are made visible to the world for the rest of eternity. Just news that reaches out amongst the world and a memory that fades away leaving only a name of a day in its place and a story to be told of what happend. Would we cry like we do when we watch 9/11 on the television if we never actually saw America, had the choice to go over there on frequent holidays and business trips. Would we stand and watch, with our eyes peeled and hearts beating so fast as we gasp in horror for the city of New York thats so in reach with just a plane ride away it feels like our neighbour. Or is it just the sheer shock of what human beings can do to one another that gets us the most? To be able to visibly see such inhumane cruelty unfold before our very eyes, and its real! Its not a book or a myth some one has made up, its not a horror film thats been created in glamorous hollywood, its as real as the earth benieth your feet and each breath that you draw! Is this the sadness we feel? How so many of us are born with our hearts reaching out to one another only to be crushed when we realise there are people amongst us who are out to do us harm. How politics and religion have created wars. Politics and religion! The two things that the majority have been raised to believe are things we should follow, things we should believe in, things we should support, things that are good! What a confusing and disgusting mess this leaves when you come into your adult hood and discover politics and religion create the most ugly scenes on earth!
The images are stapled in our minds, as the towers come crashing down, the debre that floats around the city and the people running around screaming for their lives and loved ones. In shock! The city of new york, was on that day, in a state of complete madness! We have created this. Us humans. We force our children to believe in things like religion that eventually tare them apart as grown people. We guide our children on a path of politics that we think will make them grow into strong adults. We tell them whose good and whose bad. But on a day like the 11th of september everyone is left to make up their own mind! On a day like 9/11 you can make up your own mind. After we have all witnessed this event through our television screens you can decide for your self what you think of religion, what you think of the people ruling our country, what you think of politics.

Facebook Friends...

2010-08-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Its a grey sunday afternoon. After a long walk on the moors I'm having a nice chilled time, loungeing around on my bed, poppy snoozing next to me, lots of writing and the film Almost Famous playing in the background. On my little breaks between writing and other such things, I do what most of us do, have a quick nose on facebook. See if i have any oh so important messages to reply to or truly gripping statuses to catch up on!! Some how I ended up stumbleing across my 'friends list'. Stumbleing around on facebook seems to be the only thing you can really do on there! I realised, looking at my list of friends, most of them, I dont actually really talk to anymore. What amazes me more is the people who have over 400 friends on facebook. Come on now! Either you have alot of friends who are reeeaallly not your friends, or you need the kick of attention and feel poplular adding anyone who may have any sort of connection to you what so ever. Absalout bullshit if you ask me! I used to have over 300 friends on there and deleted the majority in the end when i realised I WAS one of those silly people who added and accepted any person i may have ever uttered any words to.
Today when I had a browse through my so called list of friends, I realised, once again, that alot of the people on there aren't actually my real friends! So i decided to scroll through them and do some recycling, as i now like to call it. When suddenly I was hit with the most rediculous emotion! Yes, I said EMOTION! I realise this seems stupid, to have any sort of emotion over some thing as pathetic, insignificant and totally unrealistic as FACEBOOK. But i was hit with a sence of guilt and awkwardness as I waved the mouse over the delete button for particular people. There were even a few I still couldnt bring my self to delete from my fookin facebook world! JESUS CHRIST! Why did this happen?! There are some I simply dont want to get rid of because they are my actual friends, If i only had these people on there I would probably only have about 25 friends on facebook. But then there are the friends I havent seen in years, but they still matter to me, and the times inbetween when we do email and catch up are times I don't really want to get rid of, as even though I may not have full contact with these people anymore, they still mean some thing to me and I am still interested In hearing how they are getting on and of course always have the hopes that if we are visiting each others area where we live that we can find the time to actually see eachother and catch up in REAL LIFE! Then there are the people, who arent ACTUAL real friends, but people you used to hang around with or see around alot and some how sort of picked up along the way in my litte life. Again, these people interest me, we have things in common and I dont really fancy getting rid of them as they are good for the whole ''cyber banter'' scene! (if that makes any sence at all!). Blimey, this whole thing gets more complicated and confusing than its worth! Right, then there are the people, who you still possibly see around but dont actually go out of your way to spend any time with. In the past you may have worked together or hung around in the same crowd, but you dont really have anything to do with eachother, yet you comment on eachothers statuses endlessly and it all pretty much ends there. THESE are the people I cannot for the life of me, bring myself to delete, and I actually have no idea why! When I really think about it, I realise its because of fear of running into them and having that awkward moment of being polite to eachother but having that underlieing feeling of, me from my end ''shite I deleted this person from facebook, have they realised!!!'' or them ''what a bitch, she deleted me from facebook and now shes talking to me''. Why do these two worlds have to meet and combine?! I have decided all i really want from facebook is a place to comunicate with my real friends, family, work buddies, people I do projects with and anyone who has anything to do with my business and visa versa. But If I keep people out of fear of running into them, then I am going completely against what I want from the whole facebook experience.
It shouldnt really matter to me, and I could just think ''fuck it! its only the internet, just add whoever and accept whoever on there!''. But at the end of the day, it does matter to me! I love going on there and hearing how my friends are doing, but after a while it does piss me off to scroll through the bullshit and amongst it try to fish out the ones who I actually want to read about. I dont really have any interest in hearing how some person I hardly know and have no interest in kids are doing or why their screaming baby is doing their head in, or how their night of being rat arsed and vomitting in their shoes was the best night they have had all year etc! I just want to know about the people that matter to me on different levels.
It all gets so rediculously complicated some times that it would just be easier to get rid of it alltogether. I did that last year, and it was so nice to just have my phone for contacts that really mattered. My boyfriend got rid of it for how stupid and pointless it all was and he hasnt missed it at all. I also really love it when I hear people dont have facebook, I always think ''wow, you live in the REAL world! where REAL people and REAL things matter to you!''. But for now, I am still enjoying catching up with old friends, keeping intouch with current friends and getting to know new friends on there. So, head up high, deep breath and DELETE the ones I dont really need on there!
Anyone else have this problem? Just me? Fabulous!

The Ages of Our Lives!

2010-08-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have always been facinated with the ages we reach and what we are supposed to have achieved in that time!
So, before you turn 16 your pretty much left in peace and get to just be a kid, all though a scary thought is being a kid in this day and age means having a child of your own..eek! When your 18 your supposed to be in some sort of college education, or taking time out to travel and explore the world. When you reach your early twenties its uni and thinking about a possible career. When your in your mid to late twenties, for alot of people, its time to start thinking about settleing down a little...at this age your supposed to have your chosen career possibly taking off the ground, marriage and kids. OHMYGOD!! This all terrifies me. After all I am only 23 soon to be 24. But I left school early, certainly didnt go to college or uni, I dont even want to think about marriage and having kids would be my worst nightmare at this moment in time! I moved back home with my mum when money became too tight and i couldnt afford to live on my own anymore, I work part time, I have my own little business wich is by no means some thing for me to survive off, I have a boyfriend of three years and the only responsibilty in my life is my dog and my health!
Neaerly everyone I know is married, house hunting or own a house, have kids or a career. Naturally I cant help but feel like I am doing some thing completely wrong. I almost feel guilty that I am not living on my own, that I dont want to get married, that I have no interest in having children (although I seem to treat animals, such as poppy, as my children!!!) and I just cant seem to really figure out where my life is heading! This is clearly plagueing me as i have blogged about it before. I want to go on holidays but with my health I have had to make myself become not interested in travelling, well, not on my own at least! Of course I would love to have my own place to live again, but financially its just not a possibilty at the moment. Of course I could make it a possibilty by working a 9-5 job and getting the money in, but i honestly cant bare the thought of being trapped in the same place of work day in day out like I did in the past. It sounds a little ignorant, but it actually drives me mad! When my dad fell seriously ill a few years ago it hit me like a ton of bricks life is too short to waste, and i certainly dont want to feel like i have wasted my life doing some thing I dont enjoy the majority of the time. So i made changes. Having p.o.t.s has also forced me to be unable to work full time for some one else, but its also forced me to do what I really want to do and not what I feel I have to do. But with that, of course, comes a unique life style, not one that many people my age have! At times I think I feel guilty simply because my choice of life is 'different' and not full of one acheivement after the other, like a house, marriage, kids etc. But more small achievments that make me happy inside myself. Although, If I am completely honest...I would like to have my own house because I would love to have a place to call home for once in my life. But untill that happens my life seems to be on a different path to most others.
At the end of the day...its a total head mess! I look at all my friends acheivements and think ''wow! look at them go!'' but at the same time, I dont actually want these things myself as I clearly pointed out above....so why feel guilty about it?! I guess the only thing is that I am worried I will regret some thing one day that I missed out on! But then its never too late...My auntie got married last year and she is in her 60s..FANTASTIC! A house doesnt go with your heart when you die, so its not the most important thing in life! Having kids could change at any time, afterall I am very young and its not some thing for me to think about now. Who knows what will happen...But I would like to live on my own again, that is some thing I DO know! So maybe that can be a goal for me to work towards, infact YES that is going to be my goal to work towards!
Aaah, rant over! Life figured out (not quite), feel much better. fanbloggingtastic :)

Depression? Or just human nature?!

2010-08-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

I know alot of people who have been diagnosed with depression, and I am not the only one! Nearly all of us know at least one person who had been diagnosed with the same. Even I was nearly diagnosed with depression, but I refused to allow it! When the doctor said ''well your clearly depressed'' I replied ''no! I have been through a bit of a rough patch!''. Some times it almost feels as if its not 'normal' to feel symptoms of depression in your life...because god forbid you do, you instantly get stamped with label ''depressed''! But, isnt it just a part of life to go in and out of phases that make you feel depressed? Life for no one is easy breezy, Every single one of us goes through hard times at one point or another! So naturally we go through the recovery process wich involves feeling very unsettled within yourself along with feelings of hopelessness, irratability and sadness, to name just a few. Every one is different, so for each of us the time period in feeling the above varies. One person might feel depressed for years, others for just a day or two! Either way we all feel it and if we dig deep enough there are reasons why, even if it takes a long time to figure out what the reasons are! So what is with all the diagnoses of depression? I understand that in some people it is very severe and can cause feelings of a suicidal nature. But then why diagnose people with depression who are just reaching out and have been through a hard time? What amazes me is how a deeply tormented person can be daignosed with depression as well as some one whose just having a hard time at work and struggling to cope with the pressure. Also, the number of people who do get diagnosed is shocking that it makes me wonder...isnt this just a big fucking wake up call that life is moving too fast and alot of us are struggling to keep up with the pace? all the expectations, pressures, needs and wants and must haves, its just becoming rediculous! The world is turning at a slow pace, nature goes through its cycles in a healthy steady pace, Yet we are the only species running around like blue ass flies its hard to grab hold of some thing still when your head is just constantly spinning! We have endless amounts of ways to self medicate to help us cope with the never ending, speedy process of life! No wonder we all feel a little blue sometimes. And with all the expectations and pressures from society, no wonder the doctors are shoving pills down our throat. Because if we cant succeed as a normal healthy person, we must succeed as numbed robots who have been deeply ignored for the actual reason they have ended up feeling so depressed! It seems to me that almost anyone can be diagnosed with depression, all you need to do is tell the doctor you havent been feeling too happy lately. And it also seems to me that in the last ten years the doctors are hell bent on diagnosing anyone they can with depression and putting as many people as they can on anti depressants. Why has it suddenly become such a big deal to be feeling down? Its not like humans have always been dead happy and suddenly we're all under the weather! From as far back as humans have existed, the majority have been depressed at one point or another. Why now do we have to feel liek there is some thing wrong with us if we aren't happy? Too many people, too much pressure, too little time! Thats what I think! The doctors dont have time to dig deep into everyones life and help them the best they can, so they rush you out of the surgery as quick as they can and give you a slip of paper to grab yourself some magic pills. Wouldnt it just be easier to say ''its ok! we all feel down from one time or another, you arent mentally insane, there isnt anything wrong with you, you have every right to feel pissed off, let down, hurt, upset, angry, sad and hopeless, just go through it and learn from it the best you can!''. And yes, I do think we all have the right to feel depressed without having to feel like there is some thing wrong with us! After all...where do you go for a dose of happiness? certainly not to the tv, the amounts of horror films, terrifying news stories, grey and gloomy soaps, hard hitting documentries and other such 'depressing' things in the media is enough to drive anyone mad if you soak it all up long enough, we are hearing constantly of all the terrible things that happen amongst our planet constantly. We all know some one who has been through some thing horrific and most of us have had hard times ourselves!...there for, we have every right to feel pretty blue about it! I really don't understand the craze thats going on at the moment, that we 'should' all feel normal and level headed. I dont understand why we should take pills and be expected to smile when we are trying to digest a struggle we have been through. I dont understand why we have to get on with life as if nothing has happened. I dont understand why we cant just go ''fuck this! Iv had a rough time and im pretty peeved about it!''. But then it all comes back down to one thing, the one thing that we react to like magpies to shiney things....money! Society doesnt like it when we are out of work, and the doctors see patients endlessly who are too depressed to work! So the cycle begins...give them pills, numb them to the eyeballs, and they can continue to work like robots! How nice we have entered such a narrow minded place in this world where the only thing that matters is success and money, not our well being and health.
Kids are being diagnosed with depression, this actually makes me laugh! Have we really become that retarded to think if a child is deeply unhappy and dont care to talk about it they must just have a imbalance of some sort that anti depressants will sort right out? Any child that shows signs of depression has most defently got a very good reason as to why that is! So before you stuff them with tablets, or brush it off as a hormonal imbalance or mental disorder...perhaps make a little more effort to dig as deep as you can and correct a wrong doing that has come upon them in their young life!
Lets all wake the fuck up! Life is tough and the pace is only speeding up. How on earth are we all meant to keep up with all these crazy expectations and live a life that is only satisfactory in the eyes of society, but not in our hearts! If you are unhappy...you probably have every right to be! Take all the time YOU need to give yourself the life you want and need!

I remember a time when i LOL'd for real..

2010-08-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

I grew up without a computer. The nearest thing we had to a computer was a keypad that we could plug into the telly and 'pretend' we were on a real computer! My childhood was all about creativity and using the mind to find fun things to do..i.e games, with real people in the real world! I never would have even began to imagine that we would enter a phase in the world where every one communicates THROUGH a computer, as apposed to face to face, in real life! I thought the phone was magical enough...'how amazing' i thought 'our voices can travel down a wire into the other persons ear!'. So you can imagine just how fascinated i was when i got my hands on a computer for the first time.
I have to admit, My laptop is one of my most valuable possessions. Purely because I am forever using it for my writing, photo editing, keeping control of my website and social networking. And now, I am a bit of a natural, like most people, at instant messaging and communicating through email and on line messages! But when I first came across social networking I felt like a complete and utter idiot! How weird to 'chat' to some one without actually hearing their voice. When I first began joining in this craze people must have thought I had a completely emotionless and empty head due to my lack of knowledge on how to express, well, anything without seeing the persons face or hearing their voice. I had no idea what so ever how to transmit any sort of enthusisasm or emotion over the Internet...and it all made me feel very weird, detached and stupid! I remember the first time, I was at home and my best friend Kerry was at school, I was using my sisters boyfriends computer and attempted my first online chat with Kerry. I remember as I typed ''hello, how are you'' i looked around the room and felt really embarrassed that i was trying to talk to some one in this really odd and emotionless way! I had just talked to her on the phone, why would i ask how she is, but that is how i begin all my emails, so this must be how I begin any sort of instant messaging also. Then, she LOL'd at me! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! I ignored it thinking she had made some spelling error...but she continued to LOL every time we had any sort of amusing chat exchange...so, feeling silly, I asked her ''what is LOL'' and she replied ''laugh out loud, it means I find it funny what you have said!''. I couldn't believe it..there was a actual virtual way of laughing. I attempted to lol in future but it made me feel like a right pillock...so instead I would, and still do, write ''hahaha'' if I find some thing funny. After all..who really sits at their computer with no one around and Laughs Out Loud! Its just rubbish if you ask me..a simple way to say ''yeah that was funny what you just said but im not reeeaallly laughing out loud!''. And if some thing really does make me fall off my chair with laughter I will just tell them ''that really made me laugh''. Or as my good friend Gem says ''I just laughed out loud in this quiet office and everyone now thinks Im mental''...much better! It makes me laugh in return and is a honest portrayal of how mental us humans look sitting laughing at a screen! Brilliant!
I am completely all for the Internet and all its great advantages, but I refuse to use shortcuts to express some thing! Just say it as it is, be real, we are REAl..we are not living in a computer game and we don't live in a virtual world!

A little bit of the good life...or just some thing inbetween!

2010-08-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

My thoughts and feelings about money go from one extreme to another! In one way I would be happy to live in a caravan, just me and my dog. Have a liscence and travel around. On the other hand I often find myself day dreaming of having a ton of cash and being able to live in a big house with lots of clean furniture, simplisitic with loads of space around me, Lots of dogs for company with friends and family visiting and even family living at one end of the house (yes the house i day dream about is VERY big). I think that is actually my dream, not a unusaual one! But I grew up with next to nothing, and learned the importance in life is the people around you who you love and to be the best person you can be. My life has been far from materialistic, and the most important gifts I recieved from my family were the beautiful lessons learned on the journey of my life. I can happily go one way or another...to live the life of a traveller or to have a life of material richness. My life, however, is rich..its rich with love, rich with experience, rich with apreciation, rich with true emotions, rich with comfort and support. But I guess we all want what we cant have. It's terrible, but i can never escape the thought of wanting to have lots of money, be able to give my family what they rightly deserve after a life of struggle and to have the comfort of knowing everything will be ok! Who doesnt?!
I love the thought of being able to afford fantistic holidays and travel time and coming back to a wonderful home. I guess what Im saying is I have never had a 'home'...my family are my home, but no destination! Having moved around so much I have never really settled, and spending you entire life renting you never feel any pile of bricks is actually yours to go back to. I do what I can to help with certain organisations, charities, people, animals and the enviroment... but I can never escape the thought that repeatedly pops in my head ''if I had money I could do so much more!''.
My life is wonderful, it always has been! Sure, I have been through a ton of troubles and so has my family, but the beauty of my life is the love I have within it. No amounts of money could ever buy that! And for that I am eternally greatfull.

Meryl Streep..

2010-07-22T14:24:00.001-07:00

The magic of Meryl Streep, is that she can work with anyone and bring out the best in them! I just watched 'Its Complicated', not a great film and her co star alec boldwin, has never been my favourite actor, to say the least! But in this he wasn't so bad, and I give full credit to Meryl. Not that he expressed any great acting skills, but she just simply made him look good, or better than usual shall I say. She has some thing special, She can be cast with anyone and make them look good, she is just so great like that.
Mama Mia is probably the only film of hers I didn't like, and that's just because I absaloutly hate ABBA with a passion. But still, she was fantastic in that too and her reasons for doing that film were very touching. Mama Mia came about just after the tragedy of the twin towers, and she felt New York needed something to lift its spirits, especially for the children. So she took her kids to see it in broadway and for the first time since 9/11 she saw their faces lit up with magic, this was all she needed to confirm making Mama Mia was the right thing to do!
Apart from Meryls incredible beauty and grace, she is undeniably one of the best actresses of our time. She already is, and will go down, a complete legend. Not to mention her incredible skills for flawlessly imitating accents from around the globe.
On screen she is so unique, from subtle facial expressions and body language to not being afraid to take on challenging roles, and also not being afraid to make a complete ass of herself in some comedy gold moments!
I could go on and on about the wonderful Meryl Streep, But I think you get the idea! Just amazing!

I am just looking thanks!

2010-07-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me and my lovely mum went to one of Devons worst towns for appointments. We escaped the streets that are crowded with gobby, aggresive, disrespectful, looking to start a fight with anyone...dare I say it, SCUM! And hid in the towns nicest shopping store. We looked, hugged and adored all the over priced bags, tried on all the pretty shoes and nipped upstairs for a quick bite to eat. On our way back down I found my nose following what smelt like heaven, and was led to the beauty section where infront of me stood a table filled with the most amazing smelling body care products, all wrapped in vintage style packaging. Urgh, I just couldnt resist. Excitedly I was opening all the testers, smothering myself in the products and wofting them all infront of my mums nose! I was there for literally 20 seconds before, what seemed like all the shop assistance that worked there were completely surrounding me! Wacking diferent cleaners, creams and soaps all over my arms, bombarding me with questions I didnt get a chance to answer and trying their dammed hardest to get me to buy! I couldnt bare it! ARGH get me out of here! I was enjoying my fun with the goods like a kid in a sweet shop, I didnt need to be suffocated with questions. And when I kindly declined to buy all the thousands of products they were waving infront of my face, they rolled their eyes, huffed, one even made a literal grump sound and walked off! WOW!I don't think Il be touching anything in a store like that again! Infact, next time i think il just go straight to the cafe, stuff myself with cake, and leave swiftly!

The Cove...lets save these beautiful dolphins!

2010-07-20T17:11:00.001-07:00

I have just watched The Cove. A documentary focusing on dolphin slaughter in Taiji Japan. It has captured my breath, turned my stomach and made me feel close to fainting! I honestly can't believe that the majority of the human race has evolved into such sick, mindless, heartless, torture machine of beings. And here we are, blinded, thinking we are so superior and special for the fact we have evolved! We must be the dumbest race and I will never go back on saying that. I really hope one day, all the innocent animals we have harmed, find the courage to turn on us and torture us like we have done to them. It will probably never happen, and if it doesn't then I can only hope if we don't wake up and make some serious changes globally, we instead completely die out and give this planet and all the beautiful creatures and nature upon it, a serious break and let the earth just breathe and do what its naturally meant to!
If you give a shit, please please please sign this petition, it takes two minutes, you don't have to do any work, just tap those fingers on the keypad and fill in some information and yes, its true, every single signature makes a huge massive difference. Just think, how many people think ''what difference does it make if i don't sign, its only one signature missing''. its not, its loads! So make yours count and SIGN!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/stop-the-dolphin-slaughter

I have a slight arse...there for I am curvy!

2010-07-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

It drives me mad what the media considers to be 'curvy' these days! I was always in the belief that curvy meant having a fair amount of fat on your body and nipping in slightly at the waist. But what the media now labels curvy is skinny girls with a large rack and arse! So what does that mean the larger girls are...just fat?! I can't help but find it a little unfair that these skinny ladies, with fat only being on their perky boobs and pert bums, have stolen the 'curvy' label that was once rightfully owned by fuller figure ladies. Just because some one has a hour glass figure does this instantly mean they are curvy? To me there is a big difference between the two. In my opinion a hour glass figure means you have a arse that sticks out slightly and a larger chest, curvy to me means you have a bit more meat on your thighs, arms, tummy, bottom and chest. But thats just my opinion which is clearly not that of the media!
Here are some example of the skinny 'curvy' ladies:
Sure Kelly has a arse and tits...but i detect seriously slim legs, arms and ribs! Hourglass, yes, curvy, no!
The fact people call this woman curvy makes my blood boil, there is nothing curvy about her except her fake breats! Without them, she would have a very teeny tiny slim and straight figure!
On jordan all i see is bones and two melons! No curves whatsoever!
The fact people call megan fox curvy is surely a absalout joke! Totally offensive to any realy curvy women!

And now some examples of truly 'curvy' ladies:

Camping continued..the experience!

2010-07-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

So, I came back from my camping trip, on the train, choo choo, with my little poppy sprog dog on my lap, watching the scenic English country side pass us by. Lovely! Coming back was almost the nicest part of the mini trip. But all in all it wasn't so bad. Taking Poppy was one of the highlights, our bond grew stronger and she really surprised me how natural she was at the camping life...of course its to be expected of a DOG! But poppy isn't any old dog. She's a little over sensitive but she was just such a total delight to have with me. Also the lonely nights, in the dark tent with nothing to do...I would have been insanely bored if it wasn't for the company of my Little fluffy friend. The weather was extreme, to say the least. Endless rain and crazy howling winds. The odd little sun breaks were when i took advantage to take some pics. Also the whole of Cornwall seemed to be sunny, EXCEPT where we were camping...typical!
So the negatives were... endless wind and rain, cold wet clothes and permanently wet feet, also the bored moments that comes with that sort of weather when your stuck completely out in nature in the middle of nowhere. Although a big part of me was pleased to be returning home when i was on the train, the positives still manage to out weigh the negatives. The gorgeous nights sat in mums tent, rain tapping away on the tent while we cosied up with hot chocolates and great conversations. When my sister, my brother in law and my niece came was the absolute highlight. Loads of bonding time with my niece and i was really sad to leave her behind (I left a few days earlier than everyone else). A gorgeous afternoon on the Cornish cliffs where i saw some of the most stunning clouds in the sky, i was literally breath taken. A delicious BBQ with a little fire to keep us warm, and when it started tipping it down with rain, the hours spent sat in the car to keep warm and dry while my sister delivered me some roasted marshmallows on a stick, with only her face peaking out of her rain gear, slightly resembling Kenny from south park, so cute! The snugly nights and mornings with poppy, keeping each other warm. Very mini adventures and lovely times. I was ready to leave when i did, that night I had hardly any sleep due to crazy wind and rain storms, and I was feeling pretty done in. But as I left on the train I was sad to be leaving everyone behind and missing out on all the extra fun they were having. However, since being home, me and poppy have been appreciating electricity allot more, warmth and my bed! Aaaah, I feel sooo relaxed :) x

Me, my dog and a tent!

2010-07-10T16:29:00.000-07:00

Its been years since I ventured out for a camping holiday! The last time I slept out in a little fabric shelter was 4 years ago when I (insanely) decided it was a good idea to join my boyfriend at the time in living in the woods...in a bender! Don't ask me why. The idea of tramping seemed to appeal to me at the time. My dream was to live out of my bag and travel the world. So the first step I took into my little dream was to live in a bender in the middle of a forest...that dream turned out to be short lived!
Sure movies like 'into the wild' make it seem all the more appealing, especially if your already pretty wild at heart. And I wont deny, the first week or so was pretty interesting and exciting. It was the middle of summer at the time also, so that helped in making the experience all the more enjoyable..to begin with! I loved waking up in the fresh air, opening our little shabby fabric door to look over the lake that ran through the forest and hearing literally nothing but a fire going and birds tweeting. The walk to work and back was always amusing too..untill all my best shoes got ruined. It was a little eye opener that maybe, after all, I am more materialistic than i first thought! Then there were the nights when the bender would be shook up and rattled, by god knows what! It scared the life out of both of us, but when your living in the middle of the woods theres really not much you can do except ignore it and go back to sleep. Mini gatherings were fun, But food was always limited, and my god...I do love my food. Sleeping whilst breathing fresh air continuously did me the world of good and gave me more energy than any amounts of coffee could ever give me. That was untill the garlic shrubs started to randomly grow all around us and I couldn't get the smell off me no matter how much i tried. Not fun when you show up for work (that has just a slightly posh image) and you smell like you've been chowing down garlic bread all night and you can barely walk in your beaten up shoes covered in mud that were once pretty strappy dolly shoes.
Still, I stayed upbeat and kept on like a trooper. That was untill, one night I climbed into bed and found what looked like RAT POO in my once wild yet heavenly sleeping lair. Thats when i drew the line. So, off i stomped, into town, with my tired feet, scruffy bag on my back filled with my life and turned up at my local in floods of tears. I sobbed to the pub landlord about the rat poo, my ruined shoes, my bad skin and my smelly garlic hair. ''I just want electricity'' i sobbed ''a comfy bed, a clean room and LIGHT!''. Before I knew it i was put up in one of the rooms above the pub. I lay in bed, put on the telly and felt my bones crack with relief. Aaaah heaven, i thought, never again will i subject myself to the life of the woods! Oh, and not to forget the pile of food i chowed down on that very night...luxury.
So, tomorrow I am off for another camping adventure. This time there wont be rat poo, I am taking all the food i can eat, and a ton of clean clothes and skin care! I will have a tent with a zip so no animals can get in other than my fluffy dog and It will be on a camp site, which means clean shower and toilet facilities, a little shop for all your daily needs and lots of other happy campers! I am so excited, but I know after a night or two I will be looking forward to coming back to warm and comfy bed, my laptop for writing and tv for night time snuggles with my poppy dog!
Il let you know how it goes...

The people in my life...

2010-07-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

..are really bloody fabulous! Since giving up drinking (on a hard core basis) two years ago, I seemed to have prioritised my life. And my god, its just brilliant! I used to think I was in control, only I really wasn't. I was drowning in assholes (apart from a few people) and i just couldnt see it. When I stopped drinking I was amazed at how many people lost interest in our supposed freindship...i just mis spelt that friendshit, and it almost seemed quite appropriate (made me giggle).
For the first few months of staying off the alcahol I lived a pretty lonely life, I was very family orientated and my boyfriend became my best friend. I cleared out the old and made room for the new. It took a while, but slowly I came to realise who my true friends are. And I can honestly count them on one, maybe two hands. It also made me realise, within the circle of friends I had, alcahol was their only true friend and not the people they were drinking with... its really quite sad! Over the last year I have created a group of very close friends, most of them don't know eachother, and it really doesnt bother me. What really matters is my friendship with those people, and they are very special friendships. The people I have around me now in my life are good honest people. friends I can truly be myself with and dont need to get off my face to have a good time. These friends are people I can go to in any times of need, friends I can laugh with, friends I can cry with, friends I can share new exciting experiences with and friends I can just sit with in a calm state, with nothing much going on but content with one anothers company. I now choose carefully the people I want in my life. It seems snobby, but i have learnt from past experiences its the most healthy thing for me to do. I used to be open to all people from all walks of life, and often found myself being used or hurt by people I trusted naively. Not that everyone was like this, as I also met some of the most inspirational people I have known. But by choosing my friends wisely, I now have friends I love to peices and would do just about anything for. I used to do things for people because it felt like the right thing to do, now when I help out a friend i do it because i really want to.
I have different groups of friends. The friends I work with, who you almost spend the entire time chatting to about all your personal problems, but because you only see eachother in a work enviroment, its like you can be completely honest and raw knowing you wont be judging one another wrongly because all you see is all you get. Although its just at work, there's some thing quite special about that. I have friends who live miles and miles away, but I talk to almost on a daily basis, catching up on the latest in eachothers lives and knowing they are just a phonecall away even if its the middle of the night, Plus when I see these friends we spend a entire week soley dedicated to eachothers company...its just gorgeous! I have friends I bump into and end up spending hours with just laughing, chatting and socialising, these are the friends who you think so fondly of, but at the same time you have so much going on in your own little lives its hard to make it a close friendship where you prioritise eachother. But its accepted at both ends, so when you do run into eachother and end up spending a good few hours just nattering away, its really uplifting and you leave with good thoughts and feelings about one another. Then there are friends who you see as much as you can, you know almost every detail about each others lives and whats going on. If you have a upcoming event, these are the friends you invite to join you. The close knit friendships, the ones that almost every body has. The sort of friendships where you know you could be going your seperate ways at any given moment, but in the meantime you do the best to enjoy the time you have together and make the most of it. And then there are the people you meet, the new possible friendships, some you think you will just hit it off with but it never quite happens and it fizzles out, and others you keep running into as if it's fated that a friendship is to be had.
Whatever form the friendship takes, I apreciate them all! As individually they are special and meaningfull to me whatever the circumstances may be.

All things Marci, Update!

2010-07-06T10:50:00.001-07:00

So, market was last month, and what a fabulous market it was! A great success all round,And I am dead excited about the next one, which you can catch on the 17th of July at the Ashburton Town Hall from 9am! So excited. I have just spent all day updating loads of gorgeous goods on my website, new Pretty Poppy Handy Purses, handmade by yours truly, and lots of stunning secondhand, vintage inspired dresses and skirts...check them out at www.marcisboutique.co.uk oh and they are dead cheap too! Real bargains, so don't miss out!
Slowly but surely the world of Marcis is picking up bit by bit... I am so excited about up coming markets and aim to do a lot more of them. So keep an eye out on the events page at Marcis Boutique.
The world of vintage is just such a fabulous place to get completely lost in. I find all things vintage and vintage styled to be so precious. It's important to me to keep the old styles alive. So classic and play full. Me and my good friend Gem (who designs and makes the jewelry at Marcis Boutique) have been having a good snoop around for vintage finds. She's been slowly collecting stunning vintage furniture pieces, which again you can find at the markets and soon to be uploaded on my website also. So keep checking back for lots of new items in fashion and furniture at bargain prices. Its all very exciting!

The challenge of Au Naturel

2010-06-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

I love getting out of a hot bath, squeaky clean, smelling fantastic and freshly shaven legs. What I love even more is after the tub, getting into a clean bed with fresh sheets and having a good roll around like a pig in sty! The feel of the sheets on my shaven legs is just heaven. Its like paradise on your skin...OK I'm starting to sound like im advertising Lady Shave! But I really do love it that much. When it comes to it I am a bit of a girly girl. I love my make up, every day is a fancy dress up day for me and I faff with my hair endlessly. However, sometimes, it does all get the better of me and I find myself thinking ''why can't I just be beautiful without make up, with natural flat lifeless hair and big fat hairy legs''. Some times I just want to let myself go completely so I can learn to feel comfortable with my truly natural self! Don't get me wrong, I don't go to the extent that alot of british ladies do, for example, I have never had hair extentions, I would never use fake tan and I don't keep an eye on my weight...I certainly don't watch what i eat, put any food infront of me and it will probably be gone within five minutes! But I do take care of my appearance, and I enjoy it! I love being playfull with my style and feeling good about myself. I love the feeling of having clean skin and I have a skip in my step if i know im smelling pretty good too. But some times I cant help but wonder ''would my boyfriend fancy me as much if I never shaved my legs? Never wore make up? Never faffed with my hair? Never thought too much about the clothes I wear?''. When Im looking my worst, usually first thing in the morning, the sweetheart that he is.. He tells me he thinks im absaloutly beautiful, I can never help but feel he is lieing, and Im sure i am not the only woman who has this reaction! When did we come to believe that we are looking our best when smothered in make up and pampered head to toe? There has been a few times in my life when I have not been recognised by some one I know when I am au naturel.. for example, three years ago when I was living in a flat above my place of work, My boss came up to ask me if i could cover a shift. I answered the door with a towel wrapped around my hair, completely make up free and wearing a plain and simple nighty. He looked at me confused and asked if he could speak to Marcia...I laughed thinking he was joking, but his facial expression didnt change. ''ITS ME'' I laughed, ''jesus christ is it?!'' he replied. I think I ended up feeling more shocked than him! I couldn't believe my own boss didn't recognise me the moment he saw me free of my daily 'mask'. Then there has been the countless occasions where I'm wearing just slightly less concealer under my eyes than usual, and flooding in come the comments ''my god you look tired'' or ''are you feeling ok today? you look pretty worn out''! Fantastic, so now I must make sure I religiously smother on the concealer in order to not look run down..even though I feel like I could run a marathon! Great! Once I was even told that my hair is my signature look...so, after a night of a little too much brandy, I decided to chop it all off. I gave myself a cute little messy bob which I personally rather liked. The same person who told me my hair was my signature look, nearly had a heart attack when they saw me with my new do. No matter how long they stared, or how much they were fluffing up my hair, they just couldnt bring themselves to like it... ''But your long locks, they were just so beautiful''. Again, Fantastic, I am now only beautiful if my hair is long and wavy! There are endless occasions that arise in a womans life where she is made to feel far more attractive when she has spent a fair bit of time grooming herself.
Then there are the ladies who are so naturally beautiful they can literally roll out of bed and have all the men fall at their feet...ahh how lucky they are! But then again, maybe its just a matter of confidence. In the past when I went out for nights on the town much more frequently, I would spend a hour and a half before hand getting myself all dolled up. I'd step into a bar, club or gig and would find myself getting a fair bit of attention. Not that I'm being big headed or anything, thats just the nature of those kinds of places! But I do wonder how much attention I would actually recieve if I would go out completely make up free. I do have the odd days (probably only once a year) where I feel confident enough to go out with very minimal make up, and on those days, if you're feeling comfortable with it, it's actually really liberating! Smothering yourself in make up is not liberating at all... its more like a cover up for a insecure surface. But, in this day and age, with all the type of ladies in the media, it's hard to feel comfortable with your truly natural self, and its a battle nearly everyone faces in her lifetime in some shape or form. I tend to avoid trashy magazines now whenever possible and I dont watch much television. So really, I am avoiding all the best places for a confidence crash. And I have to say...it has helped me magnificently in gaining a little more confidence in how I look. I've learned to love my mini buddha belly that can arise from too much junk food, I don't pannic If I have gone a few days without shaving and my legs begin to grow a little woodland of their own, and I will happily walk my dog, make up free! My biggest passion is vintage fashion, beauty and style, So I will never completely give up taking care of my appearance, as I just love to play around. But I am slowly learning to feel more happy in my own natural skin, free of the chains of having to be dolled up. After all, you are who you are, people like you for who you are, and if they don't, well not everone likes every person on the planet, and thats just how it is, its the nature of human beings, So you have lost nothing.

F*** YOU!! I'm being patriotic!

2010-06-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am in no way a football fan. But it's hard to avoid the World Cup, no matter how much you detest football. In all honesty I would rather watch my dog chase a ball than a team of supposedly evolved men. I have to admit, when my blokey watches a game on the telly I cant help but get a little involved, afterall I do like a bit of gaming competition. But what I cant stand is the racial abuse thrown all over the place whenever there is a big match. I raised this issue a few times on facebook, and my god, I have never recieved such a mixed responce! So many people that responded to my comments agreed that whenever there is a world cup extreme racial comments get thrown all over the place and for this they hate the game! Others got annoyed that it was taken so 'personally' and that its all just harmless banter. But I had to disagree, perhaps because I am german, although born and raised in England. I have recieved a lot of stick throughout my life for my race and I am really in quite a interesting postition. Perhaps, because of this, I pick up on all the 'football banter' more than most. I don't take it personally, But I do know when comments are going a little too far, probably from my own experience of what I felt to be racial abuse. It makes no difference to me if the comment is aimed at me or other German people, football fans or not, If banter is thrown about in a negative racial matter then I will find it offensive. I am not talking about the actual team members, more the general public, the fans and the media. During the last world cup four years ago a certain newspaper titled a article about the up coming Germany vs England game ''LETS FIGHT THOSE WAR MACHINES!''... Now what on earth does that mean?! Unless we are still living in the fourties and fighting a war I am completely unaware of, how does that comment have any relevance to Germany and football in this day and age?! It can be easily ignored and seen as harmless, but in Germany they took it very offensively. My uncle wrote to the newspaper saying he found it completely inapropriate, and what do you know, in the next issue of the newspaper they had written a article of apology saying they never meant to offend anyone and take back their comment.
On my facebook status I wrote ''is football just a excuse for people to be racial and excuse it as being patriotic?'' I had such a mixed bag of replies. Alot of people replied saying they hate football purely for how racist people get and how extremely mindless comments get thrown around that are completely racial and offensive. Others said we need to get over it, its just football banter and nothing is meant personally! Well, what I would like to know is, How is it not offensive when two crazed british football fans are shouting racial abuse mixed with comments of football and the war, thrown at two old people driving a car with a German number plate who are simply going about their own business trying to enjoy their holiday?! This is what I witnessed on the day of the Germany vs England game. Along with sick comments all over the internet and racial verbal diaoreah over heard In pubs. Even my boyfriend, who was watching the game in a pub, Overheard fans being a little too offensive for his liking, and I have to say, what a man! He didn't stand for it at all, although he is a football fan through and through, he also has morals and doesnt go out verbally abusing people of another race! Why cant we just enjoy the big game without bringing up Hitler and the war and using any mistakes made in the past as a excuse to totally hammer german people with disgusting remarks and comments. Obviously I am not saying everyone does this, but I was shocked at the incredibly large number of people who were. My mum happened to be over in Germany while the world cup was on, and what she saw was the oposite of what goes on here. In Germany they are treading on egg shells, trying not to step on any ones toes or offend anybody. I am not saying there is no such thing as racism there, as it is around everywhere, but German people don't rant and rave obsceneties towards the british like the british do towards them, they also don't fill their tabloids or anything in the media with innapropriate and offensive comments. The German Priminister even invited our British priminister over to watch the game, make peace and see there is no need for all the racial hatred thrown towards them by british citizeons. So why all this hatred? I really don't understand it! I don't mind a bit of banter, it makes a game all the more fun and competitive, but why take it a step too far and start actually deeply offending people, ruining their holidays and taking the game to a whole new inapropriate level!
I have to say though, I am really greatful for the people who do understand where I am coming from, far more people commented on my facebook status with positive replys in agreement that the game can be taken too far when it comes to the verbal abuse that gets thrown around than people who believe it to be harmless banter. Lets hope we can all see a bit more sence and realise there is just no need to bring up the war, make racist remarks and offensive comments that have nothing to do with the game and that there is just no need to upset a whole nation for the sake of kicking a ball around.
I can go into this a whole lot more, but for now I will leave it here. I enjoy a bit of competition as everyone does, but lets just keep it as a game! Fun and harmless.

Dear Diary...

2010-06-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

Online blogging is like a great way of keeping a personal diary, only everyone can read it! I remember being little and religiously keeping a personal diary. Then when I was around 9 years old, I got bored of writing to myself day in day out. So on the corner of each page I drew a ink stain, gave it a pair of eyes and called it splodge, My new seceret diary friend had been invented... from then on dear diary turned to dear splodge, Untill i turned 13 and realised writing to ink stain was some what immature!
I have had one of those days today that has made me feel like writing a diary, Only i dont keep them anymore, due to the fact that when i grew into my late teens i decided actually having a life was far more exciting than writing what i ate that day on a peice of paper in a secret book! so, earlier today I ventured into a near by town with my mum, only to collapse the moment i stepped out of the car...A harsh reminder, after months of what felt like a slow recovery, that I am infact very much still under the curse of having M.E and P.O.T.S (yes haha, I am not stoned all the time, its a medical condition called postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome). My mum rushed me to the doctors and it took me about two hours untill i wasnt completely shaking anymore and could just about stand up and walk a couple of metres. It's made me realise, how desperately I am always trying to have a normal life, and then just when i think I am achieving that, I have some kind of downfall as a harsh reminder I am still very much battleing with a illness. I am greatful it isnt life threatening, but my god it does make life alot harder! Due to my little incident today I missed a crucial hospital appointment that I have been waiting for for months! Still not the end of the world, As i can rebook it and wait another 6 months. It dawned on me while at the GP how little help I have actually recieved since being ill and how my life could be made alot easier with some simple mobility assistance. For the first time I thought about getting myself a wheelchair, for the days, like today, where I can hardly walk a few metres without collapsing. After all, If I had a wheelchair, or some form of mobility help, I would have been able to make it to my hospital appointment, I would also have then been able to get myself some food, as the cupboards are bare and my tummy is endlessly rumbleing! It would be a fantastic alternative to lying in bed day in day out untill I feel liek i can actually get up and go to the toilet without passing out! At the same time it seems like a crazy idea. I have always been a healthy fit young lady. I used to have endless energy and many ideas for living a crazy life. My god, how life can change! I am always trying to run away from the fact that I am not that person anymore, and almost fool myself into believing it would still be possible for me to go travelling on my own and work 5 full days a week. The reality is, its not! I cant even touch alcahol, caffeine or any other form of stimulant as it instantly gets my symptoms raging! I get up every morning, put on my make up and my fancy clothes and i fool everyone into believing i am a healthy young woman! My family and boyfriend are the only people who see the states I actually end up in. Collapsing randomly, make up all over my face to the point I look like a panda who has been punched repeatedly, shaking and weeping trying to keep my shit together and then after a few hours falling into a heap ready to completely zonk out for a few hours after a exausting time trying to not faint!
When I got home after my little ordeal I realised how reluctent the doctors are to help, as they know hardly anything about my illness, and how there is no one and no where to turn to for the exact help i need. I also realised I have never met anyone with p.o.t.s and probably never will unless i go out deliberatly looking for them. Its such a rare illness, you just don't know where to turn. No one understands it and the chances are you yourself, the one suffering with it, won't even understand it either due to such little medical knowledge. It really is frustrating. So, it got me thinking, its time to get the camera out and start making some mini home documentries about living with M.E and P.O.T.S. posting it on the net in order to find people who are having the same problems and not knowing where to turn. Building a online comunity where everyone who suffers with m.e and p.o.t.s can go and turn to others in the same situation for help and advice! Maybe we can trade holistic approaches, home help remedies, and any other ideas tried and tested, information thats like gold among us suffering with this rare condition. Its a idea, and soon it will be in progress.

My Poppy Puppy

2010-06-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

I have a dog..and I tend to go on about it! So I thought I would get it all out of my system and blog about it, Its really just another excuse to talk about her some where else in cyber world! I also can't imagine any one would get even 1% the amount of enjoyment reading this that I do from yapping on about her. Yep, I said Yapping!
You can probably already tell she is a pretty big part of my life and I love her as if she were my child. It's worrying I know, but only other dog owners can understand and appreciate how special it really is to have such a creature comfort in your life...and just as i am typing this she has some how managed to rewind my dvd for me, amazing!
I would start this by telling you where my love for dogs began, only thats impossible, as the truth is I actually always hated them! Yes its true, I was a big wimp when it came to dogs! I was bought up with the biggest softie golden retriever, she never barked or jumped up at people unless commanded to do so. There for, if another dog came bounding up to me or would bark I literally thought it was about to tare me to peices and eat me alive, I realise now all they are really doing is saying hello, in a weird up beat very hyper, bubbly sort of way! If I saw a dog coming towards me, even on a lead, I would have to cross the road and get myself together after experiencing a near pannic attack almost every time! So you're probably wondering why the hell I got myself a dog... the reason is actually a little pathetic although slightly endearing at the same time. For a few months I found myself thinking alot about the golden retriever I was bought up with, I missed her and would find myself waking up having dreamt about her and reminising over past times when she was still alive. It made me think ''will I ever not be afraid of dogs?!''. I then ended up one winter afternoon, watching Lady and the Tramp, one of my all time favourite childhood movies. Lady was my dream dog, if only I could not be so afraid of them. Then one afternoon I was on a bus and a blind man came on board with his guide dog. I couldnt stop watching how amazingly perfect the relationship was between them. How the dog was his key to the outside world, giving him access to get about and do what he needed. This dog was giving this man his freedom in a otherwise terrifying world, with or without a dog, blind or not! It made me think, what the hell would I do if i turned blind and had to get a dog to help me...I wouldnt be able to go near the thing out of fear! I then built up a entire story in my head, which I am not going to tell as I am actually turning this story into a book ;) Then one spring day I was walking through the park and saw two cavaliers, cassie and ziggy, they looked the spitting image of lady! I gasped with excitement and ran over to the owner asking all about the dogs, I had never seen one in real life before, well, not that i had been aware of! The dogs came over to greet me all excitedly, I instantly filled up with fear! The owner reasured me they are the friendliest dogs you could ever meet, and I didnt doubt it, they were just adorbale and had the most loving nature! For the first time in my life I sat down comfortably and played and cuddled with these dogs! I couldnt believe it, I had just made friends with two stranger dogs! I wont home with a skip in my step and couldnt wait to tell everyone about my amazing little experience. For weeks I couldnt get these gorgeous cavaliers out of my head, I just had to have one! The only way i can describe how much I felt i needed one was that of a similar feeling to what a mother feels when she knows its her time to have a baby. A little extreme I know, But its the only way i can describe the need i felt to have a dog and that it wasnt like wanting your favourite toy when your a kid, its so much more of a bigger responsibilty. I knew I couldnt take it lightly, especially with being diagnosed with m.e and p.o.t.s syndrome, most people would think it would be the craziest thing I could do, and thats exactly what they thought when, after lots of research and finding breeders, I announced it to everyone that I was getting myself a king charles cavalier! Through my research I discovered they can have absaloutly dibilitating and life threatening health defects if you havent got them from a very responsible breeder. So I met with various breeders untill I found one i felt completely satisfied with.
Then came the best day ever. The day my boyfriend drove me to Bristol to pick up a possible pup! We had been warned she was the runt, and if i didnt like her they wouldnt put me under any pressure to have her! We arrived, walked through the door, and were covered with about 8 cavaliers all jumping and bounding at us, and it was liek they didnt exist, the first thing I saw was a gorgeous, very white (apparently badly marked) tiny little girl pup sitting in the corner of the room by her self, slightly wagging her tail, but knowing she didnt stand a chance for attention with all the other over excited dogs making sure they got all the attention first. I gasped with excitement, looked at my boyfriend and squeeled ''thats her thats her'' I went straight over to cuddle her ignoring all the other over excited pups and dogs. Instantly we built a bond, The owner looked at us, smiled and said ''aw your clearly made for eachother''. Ever since she has told me she couldnt of found a better home for her little runt, and it warms my heart every time. I took her home and she instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Since, there hasnt been one day that I have regreted having her, wether I have been completely ill or not, she brightens every day in my life. I used to suffer extreme insomnia...that went away from the first night my little poppy puppy stayed with me. Yes, she sleeps on my bed! How could I resist her little wimpering cries on the first night I had her! My m.e and P.O.T.S have greatly improved since having her also, and on days where i am completely bed ridden from illness she is the most patient and loving friend. These days come rarely now, but if she knows I am ill, she will just lie by my side all day and nigth without giving me one bit of hassle, just love and affection instead. Im not afraid of any dogs anymore, I know the ones to avoid, and all others i play with them without a moments hesitation. Its amazing how a furry friend can brighten up your life. Every good dog owner will understand how truly special it is, the bond between man and dog. Its so unique and really incredible and should be really apreciated. I know I do :)

I think I found a cure...for the 3 year itch!

2010-06-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

...and it comes in the form of Ashburton, the town I live in! Yes, I never thought I would say it, after all these years of moaning about wanting to move on every three years, moving around endlessly. I think I may have possibly found my home...for now anyway! I especially never thought I would consider Ashburton, of all places, as a possible home! For two years I have been moaning about feeling chlostrophobic and wanting to get out of here, but not really knowing where I want to go to. Ashburton is also the sort of place, if any one knows it, it gets instantly knocked as being a granny town and a very boring place to be! True, for two years I had that view too! But since christmas (we're now in summer) I have found some hidden treasures in this town and I have slowly developed a little love affair for it. I grew very sick of Totnes (where i previously lived) for all its high and mighty locals, people thinking they are so special and desperately trying to claim they are unique...when your living in a town full of people who think they are gods gift, its starts to feel like every one is a clone, and not very unique at all! This town however, has some really amazing people who slowly come out of the woodwork, one by one you meet people who are really creative and just doing it for themselves, maybe making a bit of extra pocket money from it too. Real genuine people, who value life and the simplicity of living in such a beautiful area. Up the road on the A38 is Exeter if i feel i need my big town fix, down the road the other way is family and friends, and where I am is a simple town, surrounded by countryside, filled with inspirational people who do exciting little projetcs for their comunity. I can go for walks and be right out in nature, just me and my dog. I have every thing I need. I just have to open my eyes to see the beauty of it. And I think I am beginning to wake up and really apreciate what I have!

A chav is a hippy, a hippy is a chav!

2010-06-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

I grew up being bullied by what we now call ''chavs''. They effectively made the majority of my child hood a living hell! So, as a result, I left school early in order to live my life free of daily abuse. From the age 10 - 18 I hated chavs to the core. If they ever came up in converstation I would become heated and passionately express my feelings about them. I felt like I wanted the whole world to know just how low a scum they are. When I was 19 I moved to Totnes, Devon. Totnes being famously known for its hippy vibe and alternative culture. I was surrounded by chav haters... I felt like I had entered heaven! It wasn't long before I began working with the ultimate chav! From the start we were at eachothers throats at any given chance. Untill one day she made a joke, I laughed, made a joke back and she laughed... strangely, from that moment on, we became friends! She also became the first person I told my deepest darkest secerets to, and so did she in return. We had built a peculiar bond. We couldnt have been more different and opposite to eachother, yet we would confide in eachother and make obscene jokes. She would look out for me if I got any unwanted male attention, she cooked me meals and I looked after her son. We got high together and laughed our heads off untill we were blue in the face. We went to parties and met a whole variety of intersting people. For a while we were pretty inseprable! I had my ''hippy'' friends, and through her I met more chavvy type people, who, alot of them, believe it or not, were just as nice as my soft and squidgy slightly dippy hippy buddies. Although, again, complete oposites!
Because of her, and the people I met through her, my gaurds had come down when it came to chav like people. I learned not to judge them and I also learned a whole lot about them and why they come across, and often are, such terrors in our society. When you look at many of their backgrounds, its actually not that surprising. The amount of mothers I met who were careless and couldnt string two sentences together without using the word 'FUCK' at least 5 times, it opened my eyes and made me realise these kids had just been dragged up as aposed to being bought up! No wonder they're so pissed off! The whole town couldnt believe I was running around with these new found friends. People would approach me and ask why I was hanging around with them ''your so different'' they would say ''you deserve better friends than that, it doesn't make any sence'' and I couldnt help but feel completely offended. I new this girl inside out, I knew all her troubles in life and experiences that were so horrific they had shaped her into who she is today, a pretty loud mouthed, unaproachable angry person who doesnt know where to turn for help, and probably isn't even aware she might need help! My heart sank when I would hear her troubled stories and for some one to instantly knock her down would really put a dent in me.
A few years on we parted as friends, went our seperate ways and lost touch. What amazed me even more than all the above was the amount of times people would say to me ''thank god your not friends with her anymore, it didnt suit you, you can do much better'' these people being supposed hippies...hippies being defined as loving natured people, who stand for a open mind and positive changes in society. Well it quickly came to my attention that chavs are a nightmare for society and individuals who can get caught up in them in the wrong way, and the modern day hippy is just a image for people who have probably, at some point in life, been bullied themselves, only through life they carry with them a anger towards certain types of people and certainly dont have a open mind beyond anything alternative! They find sanctury in the modern hippy culture but with it create a very closed minded approach to anything out side of their circle! I am forever hearing ''hippies'' putting down chavs, chavs put down hippies too...so your equals, get over it, move on, and start accepting people as individuals and stop defining every one by the outer image they choose to create for them selves!
I have been bought up by very alternative parents and in a real hippy like enviroment, I went to ferstivals almost every year throughout my childhood and got to hang out with alot of crazy hippies in my life. So some could say I'm a hippy, but I personally dont think that highly the modern day hippy as i find most of them to be just as judge mental as chavs. The 60s got it right when it came to the alternative scene! I am most certainly not a chav and probably couldn't be further from it. I dont talk like one, dress like one, live like one or act like one. But this little experience sums it up for me...
When I first hung out with my friend and got introduced to alot of other 'chavs' they would instantly blow up in my face and say things like ''err you fucking hippy'' etc and I just wouldn't take it, Id laugh at them and say ''yeh, whats wrong with that?'' usually, they wouldn't have much of a responce to come back at me with, so i figured their little comment was really quite meaningless and they don't actually know what they are talking about, so we would go on to talk about some thing else. Others would answer my question with ''well you don't wash, hippies don't wash'' and I would reply ''well I can assure you I have a bath every single night, and if i dont its just because iv been too busy partying! I don't think you actually know what a hippy is do you?'' They would think about it for a second, quickly forget it and move onto some thing else. Either way, most of them would say a comment to start with but quickly move on from it, I would force conversation upon them and they would realise pretty quickly we could get along. We would have a laugh and quite often have some pretty intense conversations about their view on things. Either way, if you gave them a chance, they would quickly forget what you look like and just get on with things! Then one day, I approached a 'hippy' for a lighter, I was dressed in heels (I fancied tarting myself up for the day) had a vintage mini dress on and lots of 60s make up...now back in the 60s I probably would have made a instant friend with this hippy, but with the modern day version thats not quite the way it goes, he looked me up and down rolled his eyes and gave me a lighter! The friends he was sat with were throwing me funny looks, I felt so awkward, I tried to make conversation about their dog (as my pup was attempting to play with it but getting the same shut off reaction as me!!) and they just ignored everything I was saying. So I politely thanked them and walked off! A few weeks later I saw the same group of people, this time i was in my much more hippy festival get up...I thought they would remember me from before so as I walked past I said hello, they all waved or said hello back, my dog started sniffing their dog and I got stuck again 'shit' I thought 'here comes the awkward conversation attempt' only I didnt have to, they were all bombarding me with conversation ''what breed is your dog? she's gorgeous'' weird i thought, I had told them about my dog before! They offered me some of their whiskey, ''are you on holiday'' they asked... again 'weird' I started thinking, surely they would know Im not on holiday as they saw me a few weeks ago, if they don't remember me they would remember my insanely cute puppy! So i said ''no, dont you remember I met you before, asked for a lighter'' they all looked at me confused, The guy suddenly sparked up ''oh shit, that was you?!! god you look so different!''...what a odd responce! I learned from that experience, If i looked like a hippy i was warmly welcomed into their circle, If I looked like a tart they couldnt give me the time of day! Chavs however...just seem to hate everyone! They hate eachother, they often fuck eachother over, and they hate hippies, business men, teachers, grannies, their parents...everyone! Usually because, when you look a little beyond the surface, its because they have a pretty good reason for ending up like they have!
Now I choose my friends wisely. I tend to not have a group of friends so much as lots of individual gorgeous big hearted friends. When I had a group of chav friends, there was too much chaos and back stabbing, when I had a group of hippy friends, there was too much ego going on, which led me to think no one was really being themselves and people were quietly backstabbing eachother also, just over time and not quite so obviously as with chavs! Its all part of growing up and learning. I dont judge people instantly by their cover anymore, unless the moment i meet them they are being a complete asshole of course! I like getting to know people individually, and for that I have some of the most individual, special and amazing friends I can trust wholly and completely!

Unemployment in the UK

2010-05-30T14:49:00.001-07:00

It seems to me if you raise the topic of unemployment in the UK, you end up feeling like you have entered the spanish Inquisition. The problem most 'working' people have is the feeling that people on job seekers are soaking up the benefits that tax payers provide for them. I doubt very much tax would even be decreased if these benefits systems were thrown out all together, as we are all after all paying for things we don't feel is necessary, like food for prison in mates, weapons for wars and the things that are necessary in our society like street lighting, rubbish collectors, dog poo bins etc! Either way, we all pay tax weather we like it or not, for things we may or may not agree with. The argument can go on and on and on.
Working people are so quick to say unemployed people are just 'lazy' and they get immediately outraged at the thought that they are paying for them to ''sit on their arses and do nothing''. In my opinion there is a route cause for everything. I honestly don't think the thought process for most people is as simple as ''I cant be bothered to work, I will just go on benefits instead''. As most people who do go to the job centre, do at some point end up finding work. So whats the problem? Is it just the fact we don't like seeing our wage packet with a big number swiped off it so instantly find the easiest target to blame it on? I know I hate it, but I feel more angered that my hard earned money is going towards a war I do not support in any way,the thought doesn't even cross my mind that the money has gone straight to the job centre.
If people honestly feel too lazy to work, there has to be a reason! Surely no one enjoys being lazy and feeling like their life isn't good enough to do anything with, because lets face it, with the benefits wage you can't exactly enjoy a good holiday or even afford to buy some decent food! So the problem, surely, has to lye allot deeper than how we see it! The age of the majority of the unemployed ranges from 16-25, and yes most of them probably are just sitting on their ''arses'', smoking pot and doing nothing. But why does this enrage us? I personally don't envy that kind of lifestyle at all, so i have nothing to be annoyed about, I actually just feel sorry for these people that they don't feel they have any direction. And where does that stem from? I personally believe it all starts with the messed up school system, too many kids crammed into one classroom, all losing their mind, being taught things they have no interest in and nothing inspiring that they can feed off, the teachers are under so much pressure its hard for them to show they even care that much! After school the kids are bored, most parents are working full time and their is hardly any family time in this day and age. There is a insane amount of drug abuse among teenagers, because no one is looking, every one is turning a blind eye and not enough is being done to inspire kids, give them direction and make them feel they have anything to work towards. Its one problem to the next. They come out of school, probably already hooked on weed and alcohol, with no inspiration ever been injected into their lives, so they feel hopeless, probably without realising it. The next step... why would they then choose to go into a job they hate, full time for minimum wage, where with their earnings they cant afford to begin their own life. I have grafted my ass off on minimum wage and it was impossible to rent a cheap flat, pay for bills and afford to feed myself! With no direction, inspiration or drive in the first place, why would they then choose to make their lives harder.
The whole system needs to be addressed from the school years on. Drug and alcohol abuse needs to be looked at in a great more detail and young people need to be given a hell of allot more hope and support. They need to feel their life is worth more than doing nothing day in day out.
Then there is the fact that there aren't actually enough jobs out there! And that is fact, weather you like it or not, that's just how it is! There are far too many people squished into this country, you wouldn't know where to begin to help them all find work. Especially as so many jobs have been wiped out. It hit me today when I asked my mum, whose taking a train to luton with many changes and lots of bags, if she will get help carrying all her luggage at the stations, and then I realised there no longer are helpers at the train stations....now that's one job they could re open! Then theres the fact that our kitchens are all piling up with containers of recycling...how about a job that will get people out of unemployment, sorting through recycling so we don't have to have 6 separate bins filling up our small kitchen spaces. There are so many jobs that could be done would the government just support it. The government just wants to get people into work, weather they hate the job or not, so as a result, people are working jobs they truly hate, which means we lose quality in products and receive very poor service! Have you noticed how in the last ten years almost everything you buy will break with in a couple of years? Products used to last a lifetime, because more people did what they loved and respected what they made, like an art. Now people are being forced into working conditions that literally depress them for minimum wage, so of course they don't feel any passion for what they are doing and couldn't care less about the quality of their work...so we continue to receive poor, rushed service, and ridiculously rubbish quality products!
The whole issue needs to be looked at from a completely different angle than just ''their lazy get them into work'' as in the end this doesn't help anyone, your tax wont be decreased, your products wont be of better quality, the service you receive wont be to your satisfaction and depression, drugs, alcohol and a zombie like state wont disappear! Whatever happened to careers? Living our dreams? Striving for what we want? Are we really just born to be numbed by the almighty dollar? I personally feel there is allot more to life than money and work. Like living the life you dream and knowing you have lived a life of meaning, rather than being numbed by the government for the satisfaction of tax payers. People need help, teenagers need help, children need help, support, inspiration and love!

A travellers life.

2010-05-27T11:37:00.000-07:00

So many of my friends are such inspiring people, it often leaves me feeling I am not doing enough with my life.
Some people are just people of the world. They hear of a issue in another country and immediatly get focussed on going out to help in what ever way they can. Some people are forever traveling for the simple pleasure of seeing all the delights this planet has to offer us, some people go off to 'find themselves', although this usually just becomes one big long binge drinking session. Others, wish to see the world but feel rather humbled in the life they have at home and rooted for themselves. I feel somewhere caught up in all the above.
I seem to have grounded my self at home and feel pretty content with what i am doing on a day to day basis. But as soon as i hear of some one elses worldly adventures its like a knife in my heart and i feel instantly jealous! I was just looking through a friends photos of her travels in thailand. One picture struck me the most, she's sat outside, in the dark, with her bag on her lap, around her are broken down old worn out buildings and dirty streets, yet she has the biggest smile on her face. I thought to myself ''would i be smiling if i was there, why am i jealous?!''. And then i realised I envy the fact she can be at home ANYWHERE in the world. If i was there, I would probably feel like a alien, lost and scared, with no one i could communicate with easily if i needed any help. When you live a life like that you are totally alone. But for some, that is their biggest comfort, and to a extent I can understand why. To feel ultimate freedom is to be anywhere in the world and really just be there, in that moment. No thoughts of fear or worries or thinking endlessly of friends and family back home and a warm comfortable bed, but just taking whatever life throws at you and doing with it whatever you can, the best you can. That is ultimate freedom, not being chained by memories and thoughts of what you miss, whish you had or where you want to be. Just being truly alive in the moment.
I wish I could be more like that. I have moved around england through out my whole life, me and mum would pack all our things and move to our next destination, ready for a new adventure, new faces and a new life. Its been my own little travelling adventure, although I haven't seen much of the world, I have seen alot of the country i live in, and for this I have truly come to apreciate it.

The gift of life!

2010-05-18T15:40:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention, and i blame Brian Cox wholly for giving me a big wake up call to how small and irrelevant our life is compared to the rest of the insanely massive universe, that we are like a colony of ants running around on this crazy planet, trying desperately to build ourselves a life of joy!
I have also come to realise that we are all just crazy people trying desperately to hold on to our sanity, and the people who openly express their madness are just more sensitive to the pressures life throws at us. After all, how can we not feel a little like we're 'losing it' with the amount of stress we deal with on a daily basis. And some just find it easier than others to adjust to this fast paced lifestyle we have, particularly in western societies.
We deal with financial problems that can some times cause us to crash so hard we don't know how to keep moving forward, Illness some times a cold or flu, other times serious and life threatening, relationship problems, be it with in couples, friends, family or business, failing to achieve our wants and goals after working very hard to get there, death.. when its some one close to us, and it happens to everyone, it chills you to your core, a sort of pain that never leaves you, to name just a few these are just some of the stresses we deal with on a daily basis. How on earth do we cope?
I have been thinking how hard life is, how some times i feel i can relate to lost people more than people who have their shit together, as they express a kind of honesty that is rare. In people who don't know where to go or what they are doing, I see myself, But you can't forever stare at your reflection, life happens, you have to deal with it and keep moving forward. After all, if you crash into a financial wall... you realise you are at the bottom, you have two choices, stay there or start climbing back up the ladder. If some one is ill, you appreciate them and life a whole lot more when they are better, one of liefs most wonderful and free gifts, If a person doesn't recover and the heart ache comes from losing some one close, the pain reminds you of how special that person was, memories you will carry with you through life that are so much more precious than any photographs, relationship problems come and go, either you work through and become stronger and happier or you leave the relationship having learned some healthy lessons to help move you forward, wiser and clearer in your next relationship, If you have worked hard to achieve your goals and dreams, either you get there or you don't, either way you haven't failed, to have a dream is better than to have no dreams at all and to have a goal is healthy, it helps keep you moving forward through this tricky thing called life.
In every hardship we experience on a daily basis there are hidden gifts, lessons and some times beauty we only need to open our eyes and hearts to see.

Lets go shoot some people?!

2010-05-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

No? OK, lets take it out on a innocent animal instead then, just for fun!
So, the conservatives are in and that means fox hunting is back in all its sick twisted glory. It was banned finally a few years ago when some one actually had some sense and emotion. And now the old fashioned robots are back running the country, we have a lot of shit to expect, As with most parties, lets face it, but i particularly hate the conservatives with a passion. One of my biggest reasons for this is because of the hunting, for a sport.
Animals would never kill us unless they felt threatened or are starved and need to hunt to survive. So what gives us the right to kill them pointlessly, just for fun, when we really don't need to! I defiantly doubt its because we are threatened! I played with a wild fox once when i was younger, the word threatened didn't even enter my mind, more like amazing that such a wild animal trusted me enough to allow for us to play together. That moment stayed with me, and i would hate to think some boisterous snobby control freak on a power trip would kill that fox, just for fun! It actually breaks my heart. Through out my little life I have had a lot of amazing small experiences with wild animals, I seemed to have been slightly obsessed with them when i was little. Perhaps from watching one too many Disney movies. I have had a wild deer walk right up to me, only to run off when there was scuffling in the bush behind me, a field mouse fall asleep on my feet, the fox i played with and a few more. So naturally, I feel a connection with all animals, I think they are so precious and the only species not set on destroying this planet. I personally believe we could learn allot from them if we respected them more and worked on earning their trust, as tey do give it to you, all it takes is a little patience and a kind heart.
Shooting to survive...fine, I can understand that, as almost every animal kills to survive. However we're surviving a little too well, and its really not necessary anymore. we can even survive without meat full stop! So why are we doing this? From fox hunters i have met in the past, having lived in various countrysides, they all just seem set on having a power trip...and nothing else! I don't like people who do things for the sake of feeling like they have power over something, especially something innocent, be it a child, a animal, or a innocent person. Nothing justifies this to me for any of those things and nothing will ever change my mind to think it is OK to be killing beautiful, innocent wild beings for the sake of a sport! Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of sport, as long as it involves a ball, a racket and net perhaps, but not the kind that involve weapons and a innocent being!

I hate goodbyes!

2010-05-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

My all time best friend has just been down to see me for a few days... and tomorrow she leaves!
I already feel like she has gone, I really cannot stand saying goodbye. She lives a few county's away from me, and with so much going on in our lives we don't get to see each other often, but with all the years that pass, nothing has changed! We call each other almost daily and if we don't call, we IM, email or text. Every time it comes to our last day together I get stupidly sentimental. I start thinking about how different our lives might have been had i not moved so far away when i was 14. How I may not have met all my crummy ex boyfriends, how I may not have gone down a totally wild road for a while, how we probably would have lived our little dream we always had as kids of living together for a while when we are 'grown ups'. And now suddenly here we are, all grown up. I had some crummy boyfriends, I went down a wild road and i never got to live with my best buddy. I couldn't be happier for her, as all i want for my best friend is for her to be happy. She fell in love, he treats her like gold and they set up house together last year. But it makes me realise and think what a big influence our best friends have in our lives. Every time I see her I feel grounded, like everything is going to be OK. That is the feeling you have also if you are fortunate enough to live closer to your best friend. I have had a lot of friends in my little life, But Kerry is like a sister to me, Always has been and always will be. Time passes us by, but our friendship never changes, its like the only thing in my life that doesn't evolve. It just stays bliss full. Always picking up where we left off.
Every time I see her, I start thinking about my life, the things I want to change. Its a positive thing, It's like I start to reevaluate the things in my life, start looking at my priorities and begin to make changes.
So the positive side of having such a close friendship with miles and miles between us, is its so special when we do see each other, we grow, we change, and we stay the closest of friends. Life blossoms and we always have each other through everything.

What is ''too far''?

2010-04-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

The hot topic between friends, family and myself the last few weeks has been about when do people outside of a relationship over step the line, and as a result its got me thinking how fine the line actually is!
I only know one couple where jealousy isn't a issue at all, but with everyone else i know, it seems to be a recurring problem. Every time me and my boyfriend have a scrap about ''other women'' he always throws the line at me ''YOUR JUST JEALOUS'' and every time it gets my blood boiling! It isn't the fact I am jealous, as to me jealousy defines being envious of someone else, wanting what they have etc. And this is defiantly not the case, I have what i want, why would i be jealous?! When issues are raised about people outside of the relationship, to me it is clear its down to a matter of respect, not jealousy. With all the ladies i have talked to about this matter we have all agreed there is a fine line that should never be crossed by anyone outside of the relationship. But the fine line varies from one person to the next, so how do you know if your over stepping it?
My fine line consists of pretty much one thing.. If another woman does things to rattle the relationship, I.e not thinking whether something they are saying or doing might upset me the girlfriend. This drives me up the wall, simply because it shows a complete lack of respect. Also my blokey is probably one of the friendliest people you could meet, so friendships are easily struck, but i also feel he doesn't hold his guard, so with him failing to put a stop to things that i think are going too far, in comes me, the dragon girlfriend to breathe a fiery flame over what he should be stopping. Other peoples fine lines can be drawn at ''you talk to my boyfriend, your heads in the chopper'' or ''you flirt with my man and your in trouble'' where as some others allow a free reign and don't worry about things like infidelity until it happens, IF it happens. I would so so so much love to be one of those people who just don't worry about anything until it happens. But I cant! I am too aware of the many people out there who are set on ruining relationships, or people who like some one couldn't care less if they are in a relationship already, and I am also too aware of how friendly my boyfriend is, although i trust him wholly, I don't trust certain women... and I am not going to wait for the day some one makes a move on my man only because he has been too slow to stop it before hand and read the warning signs.
When it comes to my friendships with men, I often end up in situations where their girlfriends cant stand the sight of me and want me gone as quick as possible. I can understand their concerns as i have been there too. If you don't look like you have been dragged out of a monkeys ass backwards, well then your a complete and utter threat, no matter how nice and chummy you try to be with the girlfriend.Everything you do, every move you make only makes them more and more angry towards you. In the past when i was naive and wasn't so aware of these things, I would carry on my friendships with these men being completely unaware of how their partners might have felt about it. I laugh allot, I'm friendly, I make obscene and completely inappropriate jokes about pretty much anything you can imagine, and I take care of my friends and am there for them whenever they need me, I turn to them when I am having problems in my little life and i take care of my appearance! Some people in the past have said i flirt too much, I was completely unaware of this as i am just a very friendly natured person. However I learned over time from certain explosive experiences with male friends girlfriends that there was a line i may or may have not been crossing...however I became aware of the line! So ever since, I respect my friends space when they are in relationships, I don't contact them much unless they contact me and basically take a big step back. Whether there is something to worry about or not, it doesn't really matter, we live in a world now where everyone is screwing everyone, and every single person you know has at some point either cheated or been cheated on. Its not completely ob surd to be worried that these things will happen with your partner. So naturally we all take what is being made to feel like the low road, only really all we are doing is protecting our selves from getting deeply deeply hurt. Is that so wrong? Why are women being made to feel like low jealous and crazy bitches when really all we are doing is not letting ourselves be completely trampled on by people who aren't aware of the respect they should have for you as a couple. Of course it would be wonderful if we could live ina world where men and women can be friends with no concerns whatsoever and there was nothing to worry about at all because everyone trusted and respected each other and things like cheating and inappropriate behaviour didn't happen... but we don't, so just deal with it, we are going to continue protecting our cosy bubbles we have spent time, love and effort creating, and if you don't like it, well, I'm sure there are many other respect less people you can hassle instead. I trust my female friends to the end of the earth, the ladies I am so lucky to be friends with, I know I could leave them alone with my man for weeks on end and nothing would happen. If I don't invite you kindly into my life that i share with my boyfriend, there will be a bloody good reason why, and that would be for you to think about... the same goes for all other women who are doing their best to keep their magical and loving relationships alive.

Where my vintage obsession began!

2010-04-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

Im sat on my gorgeous fresh bed on this stunning spring eve. The light that fills this room makes everything look beautiful. The sky outside has gone from a deep orange to a crisp blue ready for the stars to be lit. Across me I see my wardrobe, all my clothes on display, and i suddenly realise i have the wardrobe of my dreams. There are all colors you can dream of, wonderful sixties print dresses and tops, high waisted floral mini skirts, high waisted jeans and sailor shorts, oriental wrap around dresses, silks and lace peaking through, 10940's and 50's tea dresses and not to forget my all time wonderful polka dot collection. Outfits inspired from the 20s right through to the nineties... fabulous!
I started to think back to where my obsession began for all this old retro and vintage fashion. I remember being little and feeling out of place with all the clothes everyone was into at school, and i wasn't that impressed with the styles i saw on tv and in magazines. My aunt used to visit us from Germany and she always wore these lovely 50s/60s tea dresses and little pumps with them, she looked so feminine yet casual, and with a tailoress for a mother i couldn't help but noticed the beauty in certain fabrics and how they would move when being worn, It wasn't long before i realised how all the materials of my time were just cheap and tacky. So every time i saw someone on the telly or a old picture, wearing fantastic old clothes from the 20s to the 70s i would instantly fall in love with these images. I began to dream of being able to own a dress or shoes like my auntie would wear. I was also bought up with parents who were greatly into old 60s 70s rock music like the stones and Hendrix, so i would become crazily absorbed with the fashions of those times as well as the music. more and more i compared the beauty of times long gone by in the fashion world compared to my present world, and they were so much more stunning. I was completely wrapped up in it, and didn't know how i could start gaining the look i so much wanted and loved. so slowly, piece by piece, from the age of 11 i would collect rare vintage items or great old finds in charity shops and hand me downs. Slowly i began to feel more like myself and who i really am... just a old soul in this new world.

A quick update on all things Marci.

2010-04-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

So clearly summer is on its way, and spring is here in all its beautiful blooming glory. I decided to give my website a little revamp and have made it all springy and summery looking. With a real vintage/retro feel, lots of creamy yellows, blues and pinks to match... check it out www.marcisboutique.co.uk Lots of prices have been reduced so grab yourself a little bargain.
Im really on the look out now for lots of vintage and retro clothing to sell. Or even old 50s bed spreads to make some funky bags out of. For christmas my auntie in germany sent me some amazing old yellow print 50s fabric, wich i have now used in making myself a laptop bag/carrier. Its very funky, I'll post some pics up soon when i get a better internet connection. Another problem I've been having lately, My internet is just awfull at the moment, Iv been making lots of videos to stick on my youtube channel, mostly about vintage fashion and my website, and also some videos for the runaway girls channel... loads of videos all done and ready to be posted.. just no good internet connection to be able to upload. So bare with me, they will all be up and running soon!

bouncy bouncy...hop hop hop on to the next bed you go!

2010-04-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

With my last bulletin I thought I would continue my rant about bed hopping madness in the UK. Now, I might not be the right person to be talking about such a thing as I am solidly a one man kinda gal and very committed to my blokey. But I seem to be in a complete fog as to why this is happening so much?!
In the past I found myself in many situations where a one night stand could of presented itself.. but i never went for it! For me its actually a massive turn off if a guy is only interested in getting into my pants, and with my experience I can now smell a mile off if this is the case! (I used to be a little naive!) I know the end result of any relationship is the sex.. But what I love is the leading up to it. Where you get to know each other, really discover each other as people and you build a emotional bond, and when you feel like this person is pretty dam special its then that the first time sex can be incredible! Like I experienced with my current boyfriend, It taught us both what sex is really all about, and it can be truly mind blowing. Why would anyone choose anything other than this?
I guess we all think differently, and no one wants or feels the same thing. I have friends who have one night stands, and they have a truly fantastic time. But they are very in dependant people, and for them a relationship just isn't on the cards or what they may be looking for, as their priorities lie in other places. So naturally they need to get their kicks somehow, but they have their heads screwed on, they know what they are doing, and they are being safe and sensible with it. But what I don't understand is the people who get themselves into situations just to brag about it, or they are too drunk to even know what they are doing. You know the kind I mean, the young ladies of today who can barely walk out of a pub, half bent over crawling up the walls and screaming random obscenities that make no sense, and usually with shoes falling off, make up smudged all over their faces and complete verbal diarrhea! So many weekend party girls are just out to get what they can. I have known a few in my time, and its not pretty! The guys they sleep with aren't even proud of who they spent the night with, it will just be a brag of a anonymous shag. Alot of women I have known who do this are really not happy about it...so why do it? Is it some kind of a attention thing? insecurities get the better of most of us, but why make it worse? isn't a compliment good enough? Do we really need to have a total stranger inside of us before we feel like we are good enough? And where is it all coming from?
With all the media focusing on what is supposedly beautiful, I feel like the pressure is really on! In every magazine you look and all the TV soaps etc all you see is women who look, well, a bit like sluts. And this is what is now considered beautiful! I have also over heard many conversations where men rant about how they think a woman should look when it comes to their private regions... I mean really, what the hell is it all coming to! So with all these pressures on us I wonder if women go out to basically get a fix of confidence. After all, if a guy thinks your good enough to sleep with, you must have all the right things in the right places and be putting yourself together pretty well! But does this really mean you are the total embodiment of true beauty if you are getting laid? In my opinion, I think not! If you can hold a mans attention for longer than just one night... well then, then you really have it going on! If you are really interested in a guy, I would never advice sleeping with them on a first date. Men and women are naturally built very differently... and if the offer is presented to a man, its not that easy for them to resist, and to find a man who does is truly a rare thing! Its just the way it is. If a man pesters you for sex on the first night.. they aren't really worth talking to for a second longer, because to be honest with you, after the night is over you wont be seeing him again! And if not having sex the first night is in any way a problem, you can seriously kick them to the curb! If a guy has manners and respect, then get to know them first. Guys tend to lose interest pretty much instantly after having sex with you when you have only just met them! I don't know what it is, or why it works like that, but that's just how it goes! I just want to shout STOP IT JUST STOP IT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING! To all these women who just cant stop themselves jumping from one guy to the next, because most of them ,when being honest about it, feel dirty and used!
Building confidence is key, and learning to truly respect yourself. Respecting yourself doesn't come in the form of knowing some one else thinks your hot, It can only come from you and knowing what you are worth.. and that's to be treated like your worth alot more than just something to use as a human wank machine for one night! Also, the other thing to seriously think about is the amount of diseases that go around. Its spreading like wild fire. One in five people have chlamydia in the UK under the age of 25... I think that is truly sickening, if it doesn't give you the heebyu jeebys...I really don't know what will! Its easy to say you have been tested... but i wouldn't just go on some ones word! We all need to take STD's a hell of a lot more seriously because it is a sick thing that will only make you feel disgusted if you find you have caught one through having sex with a stranger, and chlamydia is one of the lesser dangerous diseases going round, although left untreated it can make you infertile. There are some seriously awful std's that are growing quickly like chlamydia.. so watch out! Yes, trust me, I know condoms are really a bit rubbish, but the pill isn't going to protect you from getting very ill with a STD! Either stop sleeping around like your life depends on it, or for god sake put some thing on it! The amount of STD's going around are so extreme that there are even some you can catch from toilet seats, although this kind is rare, its still pretty serious how twisted this whole thing is getting, so wake up people!

Really? Is that it?

2010-04-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

With this bulletin I know I speak on behalf of allot of women! Are we really just some kind of toy men are anxiously waiting to stick their end in?! I just had that really cringe worthy experience of a guy you know who NEVER talks to you say ''still with your bloke?'' I reply ''Yes, yes I am!'' he goes on to say ''oh, oh alright then, well bye!''.... WHAT THE HELL! Now I know this guy is a complete and utter man whore!So I think I know what he was after, especially as he is just on his way back to the UK. Hes not even vaguely attractive. Not that looks are everything.. But this guy doesn't even have one ounce of a personality to live up to! He literally has nothing that would make me even consider giving him the time of day when it comes to you know what! Not that I am like that anyway... but you get what I am saying. I may seem like I'm being harsh in my judgement, but I really am not! He's not even that much of a nice human being. And I honestly do not know how he manages it! He has lived in Spain for the last few years, so maybe there is just something in the water there that is blinding all the young ladies!
This has happened to me a few times in my life... and I just don't get it! Your respected as a woman as long as you are taken. A guy knows you are not readily available for a quick rump in the sack, so he moves on with no hesitation! But, if you are single, it is often assumed you will just do the deed! Where does this come from??!!
It seems England has one of the worst reputations globally for bed hopping. (weldone.. not that we need a medal or anything, maybe more a slap in the face!) But whatever happened to respect? A bit of wooing is never out of order... you know, lather us up a bit! Or maybe I'm just a old romantic who is seriously not getting with the times! I LOVE a bit of romance, being made to feel like a real woman, really getting your sexy on! There is just nothing better than feeling absolutely bloody fantastic! I just can't think of anything worse, when it comes to a bit of sexy sexy time, than being made to feel cheap , easy and like you will just open your legs at any given chance! But almost everyone in this country seems to be doing it! WHY??
Put it away ladies, start treating yourself with a little respect, and maybe then you wont feel the need to get absolutely wasted every weekend and waking up to a total stranger who you have no idea what you did with! It is nothing to be proud of at all! Also...please stop reproducing horrible miniature versions of yourselves!

Its just been one of those days!

2010-04-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

You know its going to be 'one of those days' when you wake up, open your eyes and the first thing you see is a letter with some bad financial news! Then, to top it, you know your going to be having some pretty heavy money problems for the following months with debts piling up! Its not good, especially when you can't really see much of a way out of it.
So what do you do with a day like today? The sun hasn't even shown its pretty face, so with the grey feeling of the day, comes the grey weather! My outlet used to be retail therapy... perhaps one of the reasons I am in such a tricky situation now! But when you have no pennies to rub together that goes out the window too, maybe go see some friends, but oh no, need to have some kind of bus or train fair for that! One by one the little pleasures of life start to disappear when you realise everything costs money! So I sit here and look around me, and start to realise and appreciate the things I do have. For one, my gorgeous little poppy pup, where would I be without her! I have allot of 'nice' things to keep me amused, maybe I should really be getting on with a bit more sewing, planning ahead with little projects and other such various things. Its like going back to basics, only luckily I still have electricity, hot water, and food i can scrounge off my mum and ransack my cupboards bare! Its like my boyfriend said ''the bad resolves itself, look forward to the good''. Ahh yes, a lovely boyfriend is another wonderful thing in my life. There is also never a day that goes by where he doesn't fail to make me laugh!
So really, I'm not going to let financial worries get on top of me! I will deal with them, and push them aside and focus on the wonderful things in my life! I also have a giant , and i mean GIANT, bar of chocolate that I think I am going to indulge in now!

Women I admire

2010-04-12T13:38:00.001-07:00

Drew Barrymore
Now, I have to admit, I'm not putting Drew in this list for her acting skills, although her performance in 'Grey Gardens' was incredibly admirable! I am 'adoring' Drew for her life skills!
When your growing up it isn't uncommon to find a celebrity you feel you can relate to. I didn't go out looking for it, for me personally I found my comfort was through music. But Drew Barrymore was one of the only people in the world of Hollywood stars, that I felt I could some what relate to. Her 'mistakes' were very much in the public eye. How she had gone from the cute little girl in E.T to a raving alcoholic with a slight liking for the odd substance abuse. She was always completely honest about who she is and what she may be going through, never hiding behind a glamorous L.A mask. She just was what she was. But what makes her so admirable is how she learnt life's valuable lessons along the way through any mistakes she may have made. She was always so aware of the problems life was throwing at her and she always did her best to learn and grow from them.
I remember a interview she did when she was a awkward teenager with Terry Wogan. You could see she was riddled with a life that hadn't treated her too kindly, and she seemed completely lost. Over the years, through her many film roles and through life itself, she slowly grew into who she really wanted to be. A big hearted, warm, generous, free, open minded, strong young woman!
I think she is a honest portrait of women in the modern world! A great role model for any troubled young people, proving you can turn your life around and achieve your goals and dreams.
The other thing I really admire about the lovely Drew...is presented in the picture I have attached with this bulletin. She was one of the first celebrities to do a magazine photo shoot with out a hint of make up and demanded for it to be completely untouched by photo shop. With the majority of Hollywood stars clearly feeling their talents and success lie within their beauty, she threw all of that on its head when she was brave enough to show her true self, and with it, absolute confidence without a hint of insecurity. I am a young woman who has grown up in the world of plastic beauty, and I speak for many young women when i say it is completely terrifying and can almost make you delusional about how you think you should look! With Drew doing such a inspiring photo shoot, it gave me so much hope that maybe,just maybe, things may begin to turn around, and we can all be beautiful by just being ourselves!
So yes, I admire Drew and find her truly inspiring and I feel she is a very important role model for young women in this day and age...Go Drew!

Dawn Porter...why? Because this woman is absolutely and utterly living MY dream! Plus to top it, shes bloomin fantastic! I have watched pretty much everything she has done on t.v, read pretty much every article she has written... and well, you get the general idea! I am a bit potty for dawn porter!
She is another young woman who I think is a fantastic role model for the young ladies of today! She is funny, quirky, cute, feminine, smart, dippy and has her head well and truly screwed on!
She faces the facts of today and dives straight into issues of the modern world that we can all relate to! One of her first documentaries 'super slim me' was incredibly eye opening and inspiring. With Dawn being the gorgeous presenter she is, and how well she put together that documentary, it really makes you realise you don't have to be skeletal to be beautiful. And how clearly it is a huge battle amongst women, like a competition, rather than something we feel men like! Brilliant! Shes honest, ballsy and bloody spot on!
I cant wait for more TV delights from my all time favourite lady on the telly box!

Men I admire.

2010-04-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

Professor Brian Cox! Yes this man truly opened my eyes and ears to the wonderful world that is space! Even if you are not into the universe and all that malarkey, I still strongly recommend you check out his latest series 'wonders of the solar system'.
He explains everything to do with space in such a way that is so easily understood! The images used in the series of documentaries and truly truly beautiful and it is filmed in such a way you may forget to blink!! This man is also wonderful to watch, when it comes to the male species... he is a bit of a wonder himself! Not only does he explain everything so well and have a brain that can squish in so much information and then spurt it out in a way even children can understand...the man never stops smiling, never! Wow!! Its not often I see smiley men, so that is a marvel in itself! Amazing!

Eddie Vedder... A man whose musical sounds I seem to never stop absorbing. Seriously, almost everything musically this man has done is complete pleasure to my ears! He stays so true to himself and his music and never changes to the expectations of record labels. So many bands that started in the late 80s/early 90s I literally cannot listen to anymore, its not so much that the music has become so commercial, its just that its sounds, well, shit! When bands start out they are so raw, expressive and honest with what style of music they are aiming to be, but the more money that comes in, the more record deals they get, the more they conform into what record companies tell them will sell! Eddie seems to have never done this! His sound is still completely his own, and through music he expresses himself and his journey through life so honestly! With a complete mixed bag of things he has tried, mostly not in the slightest bit mainstream, always a rebel, always a fighter, always honest and true to his feelings.. it comes through in his music so perfectly!

Christopher Mccandless. In the film 'into the wild' Emile Hirsch portrays Christopher Mccandless, in a performance so touching and unforgettable! It almost makes Emile himself one of the men I admire. But the real Christopher Mccandless is who is the real inspiration here! I am not going to go into the story...as it will take me as long as the film...JUST WATCH IT! You won't regret it, well at least you won't if you have any ounce of a dreamer in you! (Which I think most of us have, even if you do hide it behind a briefcase and tie!)
I do not pity this mans death! As I feel it is one of the most honest ways to die. To be so true to yourself, and to live by exactly how you feel, is really a very rare thing. How often do we do things because we have to? Every single day! Every pissing person does this every single morning. Like robots, we get up, put on our work clothes, shovel down breakfast like its some kind of oil to keep our tin from squeaking, and into the oblivion we go, one by one...like flies to shit! We think its good for us, and the right thing to do! But this is what actually scares me... the amount of people who have lived their entire life doing what they have to do, and only a small part of it doing what they 'want' to do!
Christopher Mccandless lived and died doing what he believed was the absolute way he had to be. He saw the world for what it is, and didn't create some suburban ideal with his imagination. He saw everything for exactly what it was, In all its sick twisted glory! So he went on to live a life that was primal, raw and free of societies chains! I could talk about him forever, but the film speaks out on so so many levels, things that go unsaid, but get you thinking and understanding to your deepest most truth full core of the kind of world we live in today!

There are allot of men in the world who are truly admirable! I just can't think of them right now as it is 1:00am and I have to be a robot and get up for work in the morning, so I am going to add more as I think of them! So bare with me :)

When did this happen?!

2010-04-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

Since writing my last bulletin I have been thinking allot about my friends. When it suddenly hit me ... the majority of my friends are either married, buying houses or having/have children!
I'm 23, not exactly a age i ever thought I would reach and be thinking about settling down already. I couldn't be happier for the friends of mine who are getting rooted and taking those next steps in to their future with partners. It seems like a unreachable dream in this day and age to actually be able to find such happiness, so believe me, it puts a smile on my face every time I hear this sort of great news.
However, I have to admit... it has scared me a little at the same time. Suddenly it felt like my boat was being rocked, very heavily. I had so many memories come rushing through my mind, all the times I thought I was head over heels in love, only to be disappointed each time... 6 times to be exact. So, 6 failed rships before the age of 23 leaves a slightly nasty after taste and hasn't exactly given me much hope that I will ever get married, have a family let alone be able to ever afford a mortgage! And I question 'love' every time it rears its head now. So I wonder...how have all my friends managed it? and how is no one freaking out about it? I have been with my current boyfriend for the last 2 and a half years, but i have no interest whatsoever in getting married anytime soon, or even having to think about it properly! Sure, we have the odd conversation about how we would go about getting married, what we would expect from our married life etc, but I haven't ever SERIOUSLY thought about it! I also think I would be a terrible mother! Poppy (my dog) has replaced any maternal instincts i may have ever had and I am in no position to ever dream I would own my own house!
I am terrified of reaching my 50s and being a grumpy old bat with only my smelly dog for company! When i was growing up i used to fantasise about having a house full of kids, all the noise, hustle and bustle..I loved the idea of it! But now i don't think i could actually handle that at all!
So it turns out i am at a bit of a turning point in my life, where I am trying to figure out what my goals actually are and where i would ideally like to be in ten-twenty years time! Strangely.. I don't see a husband, house or kids running around! just a nice apartment with lots of dogs and maybe my choice of career, but no piles of cash! This is the reality i see, but i actually feel slightly guilty!
With so many people getting married, having kids and buying houses.. I feel like I'm doing something wrong if i don't do it too! I have even had the terrible (and slightly stupid) thought enter my head 'is there something wrong with me?'. Of course there isn't really, but i can't help but feel slightly out of place, and unfortunately a little scared and lonely!
After thinking it all through I have reached a level of comfort and feeling content in how i am living my life. I take each day as it comes, I wake up smiling every morning, I do what I would like to on most days of the week, I have a gorgeous doggy companion through each day that isn't any hassle at all, I have a load of opportunities ahead of me and different roads i can take, i have wonderful friends and family, and a really great relationship... Life really isn't so bad! So i have decided to completely defeat that funny feeling in my belly that i may be doing something wrong, by enjoying the great things i do have in my life and really appreciating them and at the same time giving a big warm genuine smile to all my friends who are happy and settling. Life is really bloody fantastic, whatever you may be doing!

A true friend is the only relationship you can really count on!

2010-04-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

It comes to my attention more and more that when you find yourself chin deep in a tricky situation, your friends are the most important people to have around!
My problem? well, since I have moved around endlessly, my friends seem to be scattered all around the country, sometimes all around the world! I'm currently living out in the sticks. In a tiny village surrounded by the countryside, which don't get me wrong, is beautiful and stunning. But the only ticket out of here is the A38 which runs pretty much right next to my house... and i don't have a driving license!!
So, since I had a pretty heavy Easter weekend all i want around me are my friends, but it almost feels impossible and I find myself cocooning into a self built overly cosy shell. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!
Why are friendships so much stronger than the majority of intimate relationships we have in our lives? And when the hell did it come about that we all have so much less time for each other than when we were younger?
When I was 14 and practically attached by the hip to my best friend Kerry, I never thought we would grow up to live miles apart for so many years, and on top hardly ever find the time to see each other. I never actually considered the fact that when you grow up the majority of people work full time... and that sense of freedom you have as a teen is thrown right out the window.
I hate having to arrange lunch dates or nights out weeks ahead, partly because my life changes so much from one day to the next, its hard to be completely reliable, and also I really miss that sense of spontaneity.
But at the end of a hard day, all I want are my close friends. I miss them all so much and wish I could pack them all up in a suitcase and have them live with me. But life just isn't like that. If you have lived in the same town for a very long time, your lucky to be able to see your friends all the time. But if like me you haven't yet found your home, or somewhere to bury your roots, the lack of close friendships being just a few streets away is some thing I deeply miss.
But for now, I am so great full for the incredible friends I do have, who are always just a email and phone call away. And to new friends I am making at this time of my life, who knows what the future holds and where we all end up!

Its healthy time!!

2010-03-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

I was bought up on a fairly healthy diet. In my little school packed lunch I would be given brown bread with a slice of ham, a apple and a sesame nut bar, which of course I would swap at any given chance for a very tasty and naughty chocolate bar! Once I sunk my teeth into the chocolaty delight...there was no turning back, and I instantly developed a very intense case of 'sweet tooth'.
So, in the last three years I have managed to give up two of my favourite things, alcohol and caffeine. I stopped smoking in between too, but this seems to be a continuing battle and I will only have a drink once in a blue moon. However, it has come to my attention recently (from my loving boyfriend) that I actually eat like a disgusting pig, he politely put it that i am a very fat person in a small persons body! That simple line woke me up allot and really made me look at the foods I am eating.
For one I have a terrible routine when it comes to meal times...if such a thing exists in my world! I shovel down breakfast so I can quickly rush out for a morning walk with my dog. Lunch doesn't exist in my vocabulary and a evening meal will consist of something I can throw together very quickly, mainly a sandwich or some pasta and the rest of the day is spent snacking on chocolate, biscuits, cakes or/and crisps! Yes, I truly am a very very fat person in a petite body!
The thing that makes this all the more laughable is I do actually know how to eat healthy, all the people closest to me, especially my family, are incredibly healthy eaters...and i mean INCREDIBLY! They have got it down to a tee when it comes to really healthy and nourishing diets. I would forever try to think about trying to start a healthy eating lifestyle, but as soon as the thought would enter my mind I would hear a unhealthy snack, calling me so sweetly from the kitchen cupboard...and we all know how hard it is to avoid things that are sweet in more ways than one!
I sat down with my blokey a few nights ago and discussed foods i could slowly introduce into my diet...and vwala, three days later and i have done possibly the healthiest food shop i have ever experienced, and i have to tell you, I'm bloody excited! Its all really tasty stuff! I am swapping teas for herbal teas, fruit drinks for water with squeezed lemon and a drop of maple syrup, chocolate and crisps for yogurt and nuts and 'lunch' has become my new best friend! I bought fish to make a tasty tuna salad and mozzarella, tomato's and avocado for the days I don't feel like eating grass (leafy salad). Plus lots of other things!
I suffer from chronic fatigue and i know this new diet change will drastically improve the symptoms that come with the illness. Plus I already feel more motivated, upbeat and lively than when i was being stuffed with sugar, dairy and wheat!
Now, while i sit here sipping on my lemon water my tummy is rumbling, I think I will go make myself a tasty soup and look forward to a treat for desert as a reward for my good food behaviour.

You have been well and truly tangoed!

2010-03-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Fake orange tan vs pasty and tasty! I am endlessly mesmerised by the amount of orange people in the UK. I am waiting for the moment I fill in the 'race' section of a form only to find white Caucasian being replaced with 'orange Caucasian'. Seriously, was i wearing really dark sunglasses when the orange tan came into fashion?? Only now i am finding myself being blinded with it everywhere I look...and it doesn't look pretty!
It got me thinking about when and how this obsession had kicked in. The only thing I can think of is this... Mediterranean women are truly beautiful, their long flowing dark locks and silky olive skin. It is some thing that quite clearly, allot of women envy! So much so, it seems it has brain washed many young women into thinking that this is the only way to be beautiful. So now you can buy a tan in a bottle, and long dark locks in a tube.. or better yet, use some second hand, chopped off human hair and add it to your own! Its actually crazy when you think about it. But when did our pride disappear for porcelain white skin?
The other thing that drives me crazy is how wrong so many people are getting it! This country no longer has its own stamp of unique beautiful women, only clones of fake died dark hair, and fake tanned orange skin.. how i ask you, is this even remotely attractive?
I am totally loving the campaign for porcelain skin. There is nothing wrong with it, in fact, I think its absolutely beautiful. A slightly vintage, Gothic, Victorian look is really dam sexy! Now look at these pictures, and i ask you, is this orange look really working for you?

Lovely orange tan vs

Pasty and tasty..

A city in the country please!

2010-03-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

You can take the girl out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the girl...same goes for the countryside. But what if you have had both, like me?
I am forever unhappy with my living situation. Where ever I live either feels too rural, or I cant stand the noise and need to escape!
When I'm living in more built up city like areas, I crave the peace and quiet, the wonderful natural smells of fresh air, summer breeze, freshly cut grass and all the amazing blossoming flowers. When I'm living in the country side I love and appreciate the peace and quiet, the cosy friendly small neighbourhoods, the amazing exploring adventures I often find myself lost in and of course the endless amounts of natural beauty. But I often end up feeling isolated, bored and restless! On a summers day there is nothing better than being out in nature, exploring in the sun. Especially, if like myself, you have a fantastic doggy companion to make it all the more fun. When there has been a few days of miserable weather I always get cravings for the big city, I want to dress up and go out, have a romantic meal with some wine and maybe go watch some live comedy or shake my booty to some good live music.
I feel forever torn between country living, and city living. So I never feel i can stay put. I am always on the lookout for that perfect location that has it all. But the only places that do have it all (my preference being Bath) are far too expensive to live...it would be more a case of survival than actually just living!
I love flirting with the big city. Getting gussied up for a night of fun and frolics. But I also love how the country side grounds me and makes me feel so alive in a truly beautiful and natural way.
I have moved around endlessly in my lifetime. From one place to the next, to the next , to the next. Never feeling like anywhere is really a place I can call home.
So in the meantime, I will continue my quest for the ideal living location, and for now enjoy the countryside and all the amazing things it has to offer...that reminds me ''POPPY...WALKIES''

I really enjoy a good HAT.

2010-03-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

I really love hats! If I see some one wearing a hat, male or female, young or old, I cant help but stare and totally perv on their hat. I love all styles of hats, floppy ones, trilbies, Jewish hats, bowler hats, sun hats, straw hats, top hats... ALL hats!
I think hats are such a fantastic accessory, and they give any outfit a really cute and quirky edge. They can be so playful and as soon as I put on a hat, I instantly feel like a new character. Check out some of these brilliant people in great hats..

Vintage Spring

2010-03-24T11:20:00.001-07:00

I love waking up to a sunny day after a long, hard winter. When you see the grass slowly getting greener and flowers dotted around, you know summer is just around the corner. Spring is the perfect time of year to start fresh and prepare for the new year! It is such a inspiring season.

I can't get enough of putting flowers in my hair! Weather my hair has been short and messy or long and tousled, flowers are the ultimate hair accessory in my opinion. Especially when the spring sun turns its yummy head and starts to give everything a magical little glow and all the flowers begin to blossom.. what better way to celebrate all the daisies and daffodils than prettying yourself up by putting some in your hair.

On my walks with Poppy a few days ago, I saw the cutest little lambs, three of them, all going round and round in circles having great fun, pushing each other off a rock! My high waisted sailor shorts and cropped trousers are ready and waiting for me to get in them and trot off out into a sunny day...roll on summer!

I was going through my underwear drawer this morning when I came across endless amounts of swimming costumes I own, All vintage style! Yet I still can't stop hunting down vintage/retro swimwear! I think they are just fabulous, especially the skirtini swimsuits that suit any shape and size!

Goldie Hawn...you gotta love her!

2010-03-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

I am currently slightly obsessed with the delightfully cute and adorable Goldie Hawn!
I started off watching one of her more recent movies ''Banger Sisters'' where she plays a ageing groupie who goes on a adventure to rekindle her long lost friendship with fellow former groupie (Susan Sarandon). I instantly fell in love with Goldies free spirited yet comical nature in the film.
Since then I have watched almost all of her films and tv shows dating right back to when she started on the 'Laugh in' back in the sixties. On television interviews, it has become quite clear that she is naturally just as sweet, funny, kind hearted and strong yet innocent as she acts in her movies. She really is a inspiring screen treat!
So I have decided to dedicate this blog entry to her and put up some pictures for all to enjoy..

Sex and the ....Shitty! Maybe?

2010-03-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

I have just excitedly and impatiently ravaged youtube for the Sex and the City 2 movie trailer. The result... slightly worried and disapointed! By the looks of it Carrie breaks through to the big time, and ends up at some kind of premier and from what I saw, she's going to end up pretty famous as one scene shows adoring fans screaming at her!

The one thing I always really loved about Sex and the City was how personal it was, and how easy it was to relate to each character at diferent times. But how will we (us norms) relate to a big time celebrity? It suddenly felt very impersonal and not quite as brutally honest as it once was.

I have yet to see the film, and i honestly cant wait for it to come out in cinemas and on dvd. Hopefully I will be proven wrong and my love affair for the incredibly well written series/films will continue... watch this space!

Florence Welch... I think I love you!

2010-03-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

On Friday I found myself having a day dedicated to finding out more about Florence and the Machine! YouTube was my resource for all the interviews, music videos and live shows I could possibly find on the marvelously unique and intriguing band.
The first treat I lay my eyes on was the music video for Rabbit Heart...I ended up watching it three times in a row...continuously mesmerised! I decided there and then Florence Welch was possibly the most beautiful woman of this decade! When I watched the video for the Drumming Song.... This only confirmed my thoughts!
Being a complete and utter old school girl at heart, with my soul belonging somewhere between the 1920s and 1990s, I could completely appreciate the incredibly graceful, vintage, yet roaring feminine rock and roll style this girl has got going on! Shes so effortless, and my god, how refreshing it is to see a young girl taking the charts by storm....who isn't blinding me with a fake orange tan! Her style is timeless and her beauty grows on you like a blossoming flower.
Amongst the many interviews I watched with her, my favorite had to be where she talks about being highly dyslexic and therefor putting all her efforts into the creativity that came so naturally to her... this being mainly her art and music. She lived her life in a imaginary world, and one day created these worlds in small jars, where she made miniature people out of clay and unique miniature surroundings.
Florence and her beautifully fearless voice, were discovered in the toilets of a party, The lady who approached her was astounded by her vocals and instantly asked to be her manager. Having never been a manager, and Florence being fresh to the music scene, little did they expect to end up where they are now. Slowly Florence created her band, putting musicians together bit by bit, Until finally Florence and the Machine were created.
It has been such a long time since there has been such a unique, incredibly talented and totally rocking 70s inspired chick has been making it big in the music scene... and the best part of it all, shes completely genuine. She Isn't styled and modelled on record label ideals, or trying her hardest to fit into a identity that just isn't her... she is simply Florence... A real inspiration and ideal role model for the younger female generation of today!
We welcome you warmly, lovely Florence and the Machine, To our musical ears.

Is the party over...or am i over the party?!

2010-02-27T16:52:00.000-08:00

It seems the last few winters I have taken kindly to hybernation!!..and i really quite like it!
I used to go to parties at any given chance. I couldn't wait everyday to find the excuse to find some thing fun and exciting to do, and all the new people i would meet along the way!...I really think I'm over it now!
The last week i have spent as follows:

Baking very naughty cakes!
Dancing my ass off when the house is empty to AC/DC and Pearl Jam mainly
Going on mini adventures with the plop face...(aka poppy, poppet, little sprog)
Seeing fam fam and arranging to have FUNky times with friends before christmoose
Watching absalout cheese on movies on the telefizzle!..this includes movies for men on my freesat which i cant help but find myself addicted to at two every morning, with absalout cheese on 80s and 90s movies....BRILLIANT!
Having really really rediculously snuggly times with Will
Doing market stalls to sell the bags and clothes i make!
PUTTING UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE YESSSS and making it ultra cosy and almost grotto like in my temporary humble abode
going on facebook just a little too often...its even on my laptop screen automaticly when i am not even in...worrying!
Buying a insane amount of clothing and shoes off ebay when i haven't even got money! nooo

I could go on and on and on about the almost granny like ways i spend my days ...these days! I am however happier than i have ever been, I think I am a wild child with a humble nature deep inside! OH I DO LIKE HUMBLE!

Loose Women...I Think Not!

2010-02-27T16:50:00.001-08:00

I stumbled across that lunch timeTV programme for mummies called 'loose women' today (shh), where women sit around a big table gossiping about anything and everything...Its strangely addictive!
Anyway It came to a point where they brought up a topic of conversation about weather they feel men should be intouch with their emotions or not! Ok I know in the 50's it was all about men knowing their place and running the house hold, and since the 60's it became quickly progressive that men and women were equal and real men DO cry! So.... I was in the thought that we are now in a place where we all have pretty much the same rights, men can cry when they feel they need to without getting scrutinized for it and women can have careers if they fancy! But oh no...Loose Women had to turn that right on its head! They all discussed how they don't like a cry baby, and a man should only cry when its completely appropriate! They then went on to talk about their past relationships and having been out with some totally helpless men until they got to the point of being fed up with 'driving them around because they were so helpless they couldnt even get a driving license together'.
I have heard allot of women say this sort of thing regarding men and their 'emotions', and Iv wondered allot why it has come to this point. Its in my belief we are just never happy with the opposite of sex and always enjoy a good bitchy session. From my experience I just dont think men know their place, how they are supposed to behave...its rare that i come across a man who still opens the door for me, they don't know how to look, and with the ever increasing emo trend their future looks bleak! They feel under pressure to come across manly until we see the likes of pete doherty who manages to pick up one of the worlds most beautiful women, and this really throws a spanner into the works on the image front! They don't know weather to show anger in a argument or to just break down and cry...because WE (us ladies) are so quick to call them a cry baby, mummies boy or a wife beater with anger issues! My god...where do these men stand!? Do they stay at home while the mother goes to pursue her career? or do we take charge on the home front while they work to provide? This then raises the question if men are threatened by career focused successful women or are quite happy to be a full time stay at home dad? which in my opinion takes a soft male to do so!...this then can be seen as a cry baby! It just goes on and on...when will we stop being so judge mental? or are we the ones who don't actually know our place and there for don't know what we actually want? I have come across a fair few women who feel they cant be a stay at home mum because they feel under pressure to be at work. Are we slowly taking over mens roles in life and making them feel they way they made women feel way back when? To me this no longer feels like equality...but just females trying desperately to take some control back and in the process the scales tilting completely! It takes the right amount of each ingrediant to bake a really tasty cake!

To smoke or not to smoke

2010-02-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

Is it the job of a smoker to support a friend or family member, who is trying to give up the bad habit, by stopping smoking themselves when around them? What do you do if you are a smoker living with someone who is trying to quit?
I gave up smoking last year for roughly 1o months.... and let me tell you, I have never felt so good! The entire time I was completely baffled as to why I didnt quit sooner. So...This is the bit that will really confuse you, For some stupid reason I started again just before christmas. I now know from experience that what they say is true ''just one cigarette and you're hooked again''! Worse still, this time around it seems to be even harder to stop. I have been battling with it for weeks and weeks and I will find every excuse under the sun to have one, or to even just have one drag....any excuse! This last week I have been doing really well in stopping again....phew! I get a craving every evening and it makes me entire body slowly tense up from head to toe and my tummy ends up in knots. But i get past it, Like a trooper, I keep on going! (Really deep inside, I feel like a steam train grafting my botty off red with anger and tension and smoke coming out of my ears, I wish!). But you find things to do, and keep those restless fingers busy and your mind active.
I have now also learned that the last thing you want to hear as a stopping smoking newby is these words ''would you mind terribly if I just had a quick cigarette!''. As I have just experienced with my mumsy...who I live with...who has been trying to stop smoking herself for two reasons, one for cholestoral, and the other more in aid of me trying my hardest to quit! My heart instantly sank...my body started to tense head to toe and images were going around my head of feeling instantly relaxed after a lovely ciggy...and in my mind I was screaming ''OF COURSE I MIND,IV COME THIS FAR ONLY FOR YOU TO RUIN IT NOW!!!'' and then it hit me... Is it actually down to other people to help you quit? They say you have to remove yourself from all things to do with the thing you are trying to give up as a way to make it harder to fail....But what if you live with a person who has the same addiction , what then? Is it up to them to help you?
Me being the addict trying to quit I find it impossible to answer this question! Naturally I feel I should get the help I need as it is actually, in the long run, a matter of health and sometimes life and death! I know I would do it for someone else. But at the same time its up to each individual when and where they want to do things.
Then I get annoyed I have written a entire blog about something I wish I didnt even give any thought for! If you are a non smoker, count yourself lucky! When I didnt smoke it was like bliss not having to think about a bad habit all the time!